Democratic Debate Parody

[Feanorcurufinwe]

DAN RATHER: Welcome to the 27th Democratic Debate of the 2004 primary season. With us this morning are Senator John Kerry and Senator John Edwards -- and two other people we're just going to ignore. Senator Kerry, let me start with you. The National Journal just released a report calling you the most liberal Senator in the Senate. Senator Kerry, would you call yourself a Senator?

SEN. KERRY: I don't think the American people want this campaign to be about labels, Dan.

DAN RATHER: So you would not call yourself a Senator?

SEN. KERRY: I would call myself a fighter for the American people, but, no, I'm not going to make this campaign about political labels.

<snip>

SEN. KERRY: I don't believe I have a likability problem at all, and I think anyone who accuses me of that is just too poor to identify with me. I think people at cocktail parties and state dinners like me very much, and any of them will tell you so just as soon as I pay them to. I don't think I've learned anything from Senator Edwards except that maybe I should dye my hair brown, because his hair does look pretty good for a man his age, I have to admit.

DAN RATHER: Similarly, Senator Edwards, people have said you lack the experience to be President, especially foreign policy experience, given that you've only been in the Senate for one term. What do you say to those people?

SEN. EDWARDS: I say there are two Americas, Dan. There's an America where we need leaders who have experience, and there's an America where a man like me, an honest man, a good man, a man whose father was a millworker and whose mother was a windmill, who can rise up and make a difference. I say there's an America where the guy with $400 million wins the nomination, and there's an America where the guy with just $36 million wins the nomination. These are my two Americas, Dan.

REP. KUCINICH: Don't forget about the America where a guy with $1.85 and a stale donut in his jacket pocket can win the nomination. Because when I am the nominee---

REV. SHARPTON: Pigs will fly when you are the nominee, Dennis.

REP. KUCINICH: Yes they will, Al. Because I am a vegan, and so I will give pigs the freedom to fly. Pigs will also get universal health care and the right to a free college education. And I will not send any pigs to Iraq, and Canadian pigs will not steal our jobs because I will recall NAFTA, burn it, and eat it. As long as it is not made of meat.


MORE: http://www.crescatsententia.org/archives/week_2004_02_29.html#003228

[Kathleen04]

1. haha, I love it

I can imagine them saying all those things. :)