Obama Pardons Bush, Cheney

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(Satire from TheDesperateBlogger.com)

Apologizes to Predecessors, Cites Effectiveness of ‘Enhanced Interrogation Methods’

Saying he was unaware of the day’s unfolding events until after last night’s inaugural balls, President Obama today apologized to former President Bush and former Vice President Cheney for their brief detention by federal authorities and, after telling the White House press corps, “I think many people in this room may well have done the same things they are accused of,” announced that he has pardoned both for “any related transgressions”.

Reading from a prepared statement, the President told reporters:

“…In no way should this pardon be interpreted as an endorsement of their actions. Quite the contrary - in my opinion both have violated the trust placed in them by the American people, and in thereby doing, have tarnished the offices they held and we as a nation hold so dear. The President, and the Vice President as well, are not in a position to give in to base instincts, and I want to assure everybody, not just in the United States but around the world that, under similar circumstances, they can expect better from me and from Vice President Biden. But that being said, with all of the important issues our country now faces, we need to move forward, not look back. My office has been in contact with their representatives and I have spoken with both men personally. I am satisfied that both are aware of and regret the situation they have caused and the actions that led to it, and both have assured me that they will cooperate fully with authorities and make full restitution. It is my understanding that, under interrogation, Vice President Cheney confessed to a couple of things we were unaware of, but I will withhold comment on those while investigations are ongoing. As far as matters relating to their detention and questioning yesterday, I see no benefit to be gained by their arrest and possible prosecution…”

It all began Tuesday morning shortly after moving vans containing the belongings of the still first and second families pulled away from The White House and The Naval Observatory, and alert staff began noticing several items missing.

“These are residences. They are homes, not hotels for God’s sake,” a irate Robyn Coghlan, the State Department’s Chief of Protocol told one reporter. “If you want towels, little soaps and shampoo bottles, stationery, silverware and the like with The White House logo on them you should buy them from the gift shop like everyone else. And beer? That’s just so wrong!”

Read rest of story at: http://thedesperateblogger.wordpress.com/2009/01/21/obama-pardons-bush-cheney/