Unusual factory reports record sales

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Mon Feb-16-09 05:56 PM
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Unusual factory reports record sales

February 15th
Truth or Consequences, New Mexico
Dewey Cheetham

Factory reports record sales

Opens new facility

The 'Give them Enough Rope' Company's new factory.

While the country's economic system continues to suffer the effects of 8 years of a contest of malfeasence between Wall Street and the White House and the Republican Congress one factory continues to add employees, purchase new capital equipment, and run three shifts seven days a week.

The unusual factory which specializes in producing rope for leaders who insist on destroying their own careers and historical standing takes its name from the old saying that proves sometimes its better not to argue with a scoundrel but better to give them a platform to expedite their own demise. The factory's foreman Josiah Trumpbutter admits that it was a turn around few expected, "Two years ago we didn't know what the hell was going to happen but it didn't look great, I'll be honest with you we were frightened."

"In 2003 we couldn't believe our luck. We thought for sure that the Democrats were going to stand up and fight Bush but those guys in Congress just sat on their butts, and we got the orders", Josiah explains. "We knew it was going to end some time and it did slow down a bit after Rumsfield finally got his, man was that guy a goldmine for us".

The political calendar worked to the company's advantage, as the Bush administration wound down the Republican primaries started up. "I know everyone thinks that the Republican primaries are easy times for us but that's kind of a misunderstanding. The problem with those guys is that it only took a couple of rope deliveries for these guys to finish themselves off." Vice President for Marketing Sam Gladsmile spent some sleepless nights worrying about the future, "the problem is that some of these guys are so stupid that we just start making regular deliveries and 'BANG' they are politically dead - out of the water. We call it the 'Macaca Effect'.

"My job is to think long term and I don't have to tell you that it didn't look good. On the one hand we had Republicans dropping out way to fast and Obama on the other hand trying to change the culture of political discourse. We knew that if his strategy caught on that people would stop sounding like idiots and we would be in for 8 years of lean years. We stopped hiring and buying capital equipment. We were scarred."

What the company had not counted on was what they call their 'Alaska Mircacle'. Palin's unending campaign to say completely stupid things brought the company back to life. The fact that she could continue to have political life after saying one completely stupid thing after another forced them to open up a second shift. Trumpbutter now discloses the secret that kept her going so long, "We remembered when Romney's uncle was running for President and said that he was 'brainwashed' that the tensile strength was too strong and the guys flamed out. When Palin was selected we didn't actually send her rope, we gambled and sent her bungee cord instead". Normally such a change would create a liability for the company but they have no worries in this case, "She is so stuck on stupid she will never figure it out, she still sends us thank you notes'.

President Obama's measured tone and civil tongue cold have put them out of business and they were prepared to shutter the factory after the election. The Republicans response to go after the president with racist songs, terrorist analogies and references to the Taliban immediately wiped out their inventory. They are now weeks behind schedule. "We have to take another tact or we will never catch up. Now we send in really strong rope so they flame out immediately. When he appointed Gregg we sent him iron mesh strand and he just opened the box and quit".

The company now sees that Obama's civilized approach will simply give the Republicans a bigger platform to make fools out of themselves and are taking steps to meet the incredible increase in demand. They have also started working with two distributors who help feed the rope to Republican politicians. Below are pictures of the new machines that have just been installed.

The Limbaugh 9000 has just been installed
and workes 24 hours a day to provide material
for those using his material. Limbaugh is
reported to get 10% of the gross.

The Hannity 9001 has also recently been
installed and works full time for Hannity listeners.
Hannity was so pleased to have his machine get a
higher number than Limbaugh's that he gave up
his override.

As we were leaving the factory it occured to us that the gravy train could come to a complete stop. We stopped by the conference room and posed this question to the senior staff, "What would happen if the Republicans started to listening to the President and engaged in a civil dialogue, you guys would be toast?". There was a brief moment while the group of 16 execs and supervisors contemplated that prospect. "Your right that could happen" Trumpbutter agreed. After a few seconds we turned to leave and the first wave of cacophanous laughing hit our backs. As we went down the steps we could hear wave after wave of laughter, over worked workers enjoying the stress relief that the idea Republican leaders acting with reason provided. It wasn't until we reached our car that the roar of laughter could no longer be heard.

Factory reports record salesOpens new facility

Factory reports record sales

Opens new facility