+1000 post Bullies and disabilities

[mcollins]

I ran into my first +1000 post bully yesterday. I didn't read her hateful post until this morning and so her interior anger did not spoil my day. It's not going to spoil this day, either!

I confronted her in a calm rational manner and explained my disagreement with her comments. I explained that my writing skills are the result of dyslexia and although diagnosed late in life I have been successful despite this disability.

"People with dyslexia do not make random reading errors. They make very specific types of errors. Their spelling reflects the same types of errors. Their spelling is far worse than their reading. They sometimes flunk inventive spelling. They have extreme difficulty with vowel sounds, and often leave them out. Although their unique brain architecture and "unusual wiring" make reading, writing, and spelling difficult, most people with dyslexia have gifts in areas controlled by the right hemisphere of the brain.

With enormous effort, they may be able to "memorize" Monday's spelling list long enough to pass Friday's spelling test, but they can't spell those very same words two hours later when writing those words in sentences.

Continually misspells high frequency sight words (nonphonetic but very common words) such as they, what, where, does and because—despite extensive practice.

Misspells even when copying something from the board or from a book.

Written work shows signs of spelling uncertainty--numerous erasures, cross outs, etc.Hopefully she doesn't choke on her hate before she finds peace with herself."

This member obviously has problems with her self-esteem and so by bullying the junior members makes herself feel better. Her super ego is damaged to the point where lashing out is her only way to deal with anyone who doesn't bow down to her will. This example demonstrates a way in which people can fend off feelings of guilt by blaming others for persecuting or criticizing them. Thus somebody else is identified as the persecutor, and that somebody is the one who ought to feel guilty.

This is a common way of dealing with a harsh superego - instead of allowing it to persecute himself, the person turns it towards other people in his life and persecutes them. James Thurber wrote a story about a man whose son was afraid of other children. The man urges his son to stand up to the bullies; he insists that the boy has to fight them. The little boy tries to do what his father wants but as he confronts the bullies he gets too afraid and runs away. The father's reaction is to shout at his son, to bully the boy every bit as badly as the bullies did: You sniveling creep! You good-for-nothing little coward!'

We all know people like this; people who strike us as bossy or forbidding or 'headmistressy'. They manage to make us feel small, or clumsy or stupid. Next time you run into one, it may help to remember that they are more than likely getting rid of their own bad feelings by putting them into you.



Oh- another beautiful day here in Colorado!