Welcome to DC: Watch Where You're Going

[MountainLaurel]

Praise Inanna, Allah, and Buddha, that somebody finally had the ovaries to say it in a major media source. Copies should be made and posted in every Smithsonian bathroom and sprinkled liberally around Metro and the Hard Rock Cafe.

Hello! If you are reading this column, it's because you're a tourist visiting Washington.

snippage

So, what's this all about? Let's just consider it some friendly advice designed to make your stay in Washington more enjoyable. Or, more accurately, designed to make your stay in Washington more enjoyable for us , the people who actually live here. It's a little something I call "Rules for a Tourist in Washington, D.C."

1. Stand to the right. Even though Washington voted overwhelmingly for John Kerry in the last election, it is still part of the United States of America. (At least last time I checked!) And in the United States, we drive on the right and pass on the left.

That's an easy way to remember what to do on the escalators of our acclaimed Metro system. Do not clog the escalator like a blood clot in an artery. Do not stand in a big, impenetrable clump. Stand to the right so we may carefully climb past you. Hey, we have a train to catch!

2. Get out of the way. The rules of physics apply as inexorably in Washington as they do where you come from. That means two objects may not occupy the same space simultaneously. When the escalator deposits you on the platform, you must get out of the way. If you stand there, congratulating each other for having successfully ridden your first escalator, we're going to run into you.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/07/21/AR2005072101946.html

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

1. Now if only we could enforce these rules!!

God I fucking hate tourist season!! It's the worst part about living here. You can't even get a cup of coffee without having to fight your way through hundreds of people with no clue where they are or where they're going. That's nice an all for a vacation, but I gotta work here, people!!

[StuckinBFE]

3. Any where you go people hate tourist or better have issues with tourists

I live very close to Yellowstone National Park and I refuse to go down there during the summers. The park is full of dumb people in their cars stopping in the middle of the road to see a buffalo. Now I will admit that buffalo's are interesting the first time you see them but there are thousands of them in the park, if you have seen one buffalo you have seen them all. Also how many times must we tell you do not get out of your cars to pet the animals, they are wild they will hurt you given the chance. Ok I need to stop before I go off.

Anyways funny article, I feel your pain, if I am washington I will stay out of your way. Cheers.

[Dora]

2. Ah, now if WE could just follow those instructions

You know, when we're in airports and shopping malls. And when we're attending large public gatherings. And when we're visiting other countries.

That's a lovely column, to be sure, but it strikes me that most of his advice needs to be followed by everyone.

[MountainLaurel]

4. True, but

It strikes special resonance in an urban area chock full of people who don't get let out very often and in which other people actually live. In a shopping mall, no one's going to have to pay $75 extra for picking up their kid late from day care.

Although, interestingly, in malls the clusterfucks are sometimes deliberate: A friend read a book about marketing a few years ago that mentioned that department stores will often put displays right in front of the entrance in certain depts. because women will often head straight to them, while men just walk around them.

[evolved Anarchopunk]

5. Have you guys noticed all the damn boy scouts recently..

wtf was this bullshit. if i see one more grown man with brown ankle socks and a whittling merit badge proudly displayed (obeying not one of the aforementioned rules) i am going to get snarky with these momma boys, and they will be anything but prepared...