I've just received a sympathy card.

[evlbstrd]

From the staff of Literacy Kansas City.
Apparently, I'm dead.
Sorry, folks. This will put a bit of a kink in the St. Pat's plans.
Unless, of course, insurance money arrives next week.

[proud2BlibKansan]

1. So we can't party with a dead guy?

Do we have to say the rosary?

[evlbstrd]

2. Didn't they make a movie about that?

It's far too late for rosaries.

[Mabus]

3. What's weird is my sister's boyfriend died

and no one is sending out sympathy cards. He was a pretty miserable excuse for a human being. He spent most of his adult life in and out of prison and somehow he hooked up with my sister and then got her hooked on meth. Now that's an evil bastard and not in a good way.

Oh yeah and dibs on your computer!

[evlbstrd]

4. My computer is haunted now.

But it's nice to know that someone will send a card.
I'm going to write back and thank them.

[Mabus]

7. LOL

I know a part-time exorcist that might be able to help out.

[evlbstrd]

10. Hell, no.

I make a kickass screen saver.

[Mabus]

11. Now that would be interesting

If you were a screensaver I could resize you and/or make multiple copies of you and pass you around to everyone I know to with as they please.

[evlbstrd]

12. My nose is running.

I might have a virus.

[Mabus]

13. I have a much more plausible idea why you're nose is running

It's actually foam from your beer that's gotten caught in your moustache. I've seen it happen before. :P

[evlbstrd]

14. That explains the color and bubbles.

This time.

[Mabus]

15. It will be harder to tell what's what when you're drinking green beer

this weekend.

[evlbstrd]

17. Ach, my dear.

My lips shall never taste green beer.

[BuelahWitch]

5. So does that mean you are not the real evlbstrd?

But only an evlbstrd lookalike hired to impersonate him after he died? Like they did with Paul McCartney?

[evlbstrd]

6. There is only one evlbstrd.

I'm not typing from beyond the grave. I haven't seen proof of one yet. But, I'm definitely typing. And if I'm dead and I'm typing, I think we can safely conclude that I'm typing while dead. However, If I'm not dead, why am I even typing about it?

[BuelahWitch]

8. Good deal!

I was afraid I'd have to buy this in vinyl and play it backwards to hear "I buried Evl"...

[evlbstrd]

9. Do it anyway.

There has to be some kind of deep hidden message in the backwards yodelling of Slim Whitman.
I'm not sure I'd want to hear it, though.

He played here back in the seventies. I wanted to go and shout "Stairway to Heaven!"

[Mabus]

16. Hey! Wait a minute!

If they thought you died, why did they send you a card?

[evlbstrd]

18. It was addressed to the family.

And I can prove it.

[Mabus]

19. Why are you opening mail that isn't addressed to you?

Hmmmm! What if, instead of a sympathy card, it had been a surprise birthday announcement? You'd be feeling kinda bad about spoiling that, wouldn't you?

BTW, any idea what killed you?

[evlbstrd]

20. That would have been a real surprise.

My birthday is/was at the end of May.
I don't know what killed me. I figure I wasn't shot or stabbed because the beer still leaks out the way it used to.

[Mabus]

21. That don't make no sense. No sense 'tall.

Maybe you can 'splain sumding to me. Maybe not. :shrug:

Let's say I shot you in the leg and you bled to death. Why would beer come out of your leg? Does your digestive system route itself throughout your body? Just sign me:

Confused in Lawrence

[evlbstrd]

22. Hey, this is my afterlife.

Ain't ya ever seen "Beetlejuice?"

[Mabus]

23. Actually no

When the movie was released I was living with a pretentious idiot who didn't believe in going to movies unless they had subtitles. The few times I actually went to a movie without him I got these lectures of how pedestrian my humor was. He was a real piece of work. :eyes: Believe it or not, I lived with him for almost four years. It probably would have been reduced to two years if I hadn't been working 30 hours at one job, a couple of part-time jobs and going to school full-time. It was only when I was able to spend "quality time" with him that I realized how much I loathed him. Anyway, I have about a four year hole in my popular culture knowledge. "Beetlejuice" is part of that "missing time". It's weird, it's like I was in a time warp for four years.

[evlbstrd]

24. Oh.

That's what the Navy was like for me. There were hippies when I went in and punks when I got out.
You'd love "Beetlejuice."
Pretentious idiots suck.

[Mabus]

25. I'm used to time warps

In fact, from now until after the Final Four is played, I'll be in my self-imposed exile into the world of college basketball. :blush:

[evlbstrd]

26. Your Jayhawks appear to be heavy faves to win it all.

There will be basketball access provided for you on Saturday.

[Mabus]

27. I wuv you.

:loveya:

[evlbstrd]

28. :blush:

[proud2BlibKansan]

29. Pictures of the card:

The front:




The inside:




At least it's not a Hallmark card. (In case you all didn't know the Halls are BIG repuke donors)




And evl's family is taking this very hard

[evlbstrd]

30. See? I told ya so.

God, I hope that wasn't my wake. It was fun, but I expected better.

[proud2BlibKansan]

31. Well how can we improve?

We want your funeral to be the BEST.

[evlbstrd]

32. Keening, weeping and wailing would be a start.

Otherwise, it was just fine.

[Mabus]

33. That happened *after* your wake

Unfortunately it was not because of your demise. Instead it had to do more with being trapped in a car for close to an hour with someone who had loaded up on corned beef and cabbage at your house. I believe he was calling Danny back to the glen. By the time I got home I was ready to jump into your grave with you.

[evlbstrd]

35. Ach!

I'm so sorry for your troubles.
He obviously didn't eat it properly. But, what's St. Pat's without the pipes?

[Mabus]

40. I was joking

He's an Irish boy. He knows how to eat properly. Believe me, he's well-practiced in the art of eating. :P

[evlbstrd]

42. I've seen him. He's good.

evl jr. was quite surprised at the quality of his own emissions on Sunday.

[Mabus]

44. You're such a good dad

You know you're succeeding at being a parent when your kids take pride in their own works and share their joy with you.

[evlbstrd]

46. Thanks.

Now I wish I'd kept his first poop sculpture.

[Mabus]

48. You didn't?

What was in the refrigerator behind the beer then? :shrug:

[evlbstrd]

50. I don't know.

Want to taste it and tell me?

[Mabus]

34. Pssst

Let's be real. His family was crying because the Jameson's ran out. They cheered up when they found the second bottle.

[evlbstrd]

36. They are a weepy bunch.

One shouldn't drink while on medication.

[Mabus]

37. But, what if...

you aren't taking the medication for medication's sake? :shrug: Say, for instance, you want to use up the meds before they go bad? :think:

[evlbstrd]

38. Is that what my sister told you?

Don't listen to her. She's on meds!

[Mabus]

39. Pshaw!

It's what Gup told me Bear was doing.

[evlbstrd]

41. Uh-oh.

It looks like Gup is angling for Bear's inheritance.

evlspwn took Gup home with her yesterday. It's strangely quiet in my house now.

[Mabus]

43. Oh no!

I'm so sorry for you and yet, at the same time, I'm happy for her.

:cry:

[evlbstrd]

45. Gup isn't going to like it.

evlspwn will make her sleep in her kennel. I didn't do that. She was my constant companion.

[Mabus]

47. Do you want to stage a "Free Gup" commando raid?

I'm sure I'm not the only one who prefers a free-range Gup more than a caged Gup.

[evlbstrd]

49. Let's picket.

I'll make "Free Gup" signs and we'll stand outside her apartment.