Whatever happened to evlbstrd?

[BuelahWitch]

Poll question: Whatever happened to evlbstrd?

[Jeanette in FL]

1. What happened to Evl?

I know I have been out of the loop with work, but where is he? Hopefully he is just fine.

[BuelahWitch]

4. He just disappeared for a while

Apparently people in and around KC think he's dead, because he keeps getting sympathy cards. :shrug: I saw him day before the fourth of July and he looked pretty healthy.

[evlbstrd]

2. Do I get a vote?

I was dead, but I'm better now.

[BuelahWitch]

3. So did you rise again after three days?

Wanna start a religion? :shrug:

[evlbstrd]

5. Let's do it.

But no tree-nailing.

[BuelahWitch]

6. No, we won't harm any trees

But there may be evlbstrd visions in panini sandwiches (grilled cheese is so outre these days!) or pancakes that take on your image.

[evlbstrd]

7. I wasn't worried about the trees so much.

I can customize a griddle for those pictorial paninis. Why leave it to chance?

[Mabus]

8. What's an evlbstrd?

Or should that be "who is evlbstrd"? Until I know what one is I don't think I can help you in your search.

[evlbstrd]

9. How quickly they forget.

You're breakin' my shriveled little heart!

[BuelahWitch]

10. Just wait till those panninis with your image show up on eBay

She'll be back!

[evlbstrd]

11. She'll wish she had one.

Holy Panini TM!

[Mabus]

13. I've got a better way to make them

Let's get some ciabattas lined up in his kitchen then we can just grab the back of his head and push downward. We'll make some very realistic paninis that way.

[Mabus]

12. Oh. She was talking about you...

So, when are you going to come be our maid?

on edit: I voted for Gup burying you in the backyard.

[evlbstrd]

14. I'm trying to convince my boarders that I'm not theirs.

Gup knows where her kibble is, er, buttered.

[Mabus]

15. You know and I know the truth

If Gup told you to go dig a hole, you'd do it.
If Gup told you to lie down in it, you'd do it.
If Gup told you to pull the dirt on top of yourself, you'd do it.

That little dog owns your butt. You know it, I know it, the American people know it.

[evlbstrd]

16. So, what you're saying is

I'm the bitch's bitch?

[Mabus]

17. That's about it.

You know it. I know it. The American people know it.

[evlbstrd]

18. Why do you keep saying that?

And how do they know it?

[Mabus]

19. The American people know it beause Bob Dole knows it.

I think I've been possessed by Bob Dole. I think it comes from the Admiral's re-enactment of the SNL Real World with Bob Dole (Norm MacDonald) fighting with his roommates over peanut butter. For some reason, the following (another SNL skit) keeps popping into my head.

Republican Debate '88

Pat Schroeder.....Nora Dunn
George Bush.....Dana Carvey
Bob Dole.....Dan Aykroyd
Jack Kemp.....Phil Hartman
Pat Robertson.....Al Franken
Pete Dupont.....Kevin Nealon

***

Bob Dole: I don't believe my good friend George Bush - he's lying, he knows it, you know it, I know it, the people at home know it, the American people know it, we all know it. Now, it's one thing to attack an opponent's record in the heat of a campaign.. but when you come after an opponent's wife, well, to me, that's another thing! Now, my wife, Elizabeth Dole, ran the buses of this country for three years, so it's not fair! Maybe if you have a wife of privilege, like George Bush, you don't know that! You see, Bob Dole grw up in Kansas in a small farm town, he didn't have the prep school education, or the sterling silverware, or the bumper pool table in the basement.. didn't have the shower & massage with five-way adjustable heads.. or the sit-down lawnmower. Bob Dole didn't have these things!

George Bush: Now, wait a minute, can I say something here?

Bob Dole: George, I'm not finished yet!

George Bush: Now, I'm not gonna back down..

Bob Dole: I know it, you know it, and the people here tonight know it.. the American people know it, we all know it.. Bob Dole, Republican candidate is gonna be the next President of the United States! So why don't you just go back home to your summer home in Maine, your automatic garage door opener, your electric steak knife, and run around Kennenbunkport, Maine in your powerboat, while I take care of real issues in the White House!

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/87/87kdebate.phtml

[evlbstrd]

20. This is freaky.

I completely understand.

[Mabus]

21. I knew that you would

Fortunately Bob has almost be exorcised now. At least I don't feel like saying "you know it, I know it and the American people know it" now.

[evlbstrd]

22. Did that require a priest?

And what did it cost? Dole didn't have to be dead first?

[Mabus]

23. I needed a young priest and an old priest

but since I couldn't find one I had to consider some other options. Then, out of the blue, it hit me!

Doh! I'm the anti-christ. Why am I looking for an exorcism with priests!

I had to start over and rethink things. I think I finally figured it out. I was running low on evil and, if I didn't get an exorcism to knock out the lesser evils that were beginning to invade while my system was weakened, I'd be infested with all kinds of nonsense. It happens. That anti-biotic I was on last month weakened my immune system and allowed lesser evils, like Dole, too much control.

See, back when they sold their souls to me, I realized they were a pretty sleazy lot so I required them to leave my a part of their soul as a down payment. A few of these lesser evils took advantage of me when I was weak and increased their presence. Basically, they were looking to renegotiate the deals I made with them years ago, back when the GOP was thinking small. It wasn't so much an exorcism as sending that spigeon of Dole('s soul I have to carry around with me) back to the cornfield that I'm keeping it in.

I popped some vitamin B compound (time released) and it got rid of him.

The only brain functioning in Dole's system is the second one and that's only after he's washed down one of his ED pills with some Pepsi while watching a Brittany Spears video. (whew!)