I am cross-posting this from GD.
Ahoy Mateys! Today thar be a pirate on th' low seas o' Minnesota, and he wasn't jus' any pirate but he be the worst kind of pirate. This be a swashbuckler who steals from the poor to give to the rich mateys, but today we took our boat to the low seas o' White Bear Lake to confront this cutthroat.
The Pirate Pawlenty has been holding Minnesota hostage for the past six years, and in this time he has consistently protected the wealth of his friends by cutting services to the most vulnerable Americans. Today this cutthroat not only wants to continue to run our state, but he wants to become President so that he can bring his treachery to all the lands and waters of America.
Today the Pirate Pawlenty had one of his biggest press events of the year, it was fishing opener in Minnesota and media from all corners of the state was there to cover Pawlenty's fishing expedition. We needed to expose this swashbuckler for what he was so we prepared to set out to sea to confront the Pirate Pawlenty.
We decked out our ship with banners and signs and we set out to sea, as we approached the docks where the pirate was set to launch from we were spotted by some of Pawlenty's mates who did not like the way our ship was decorated. They told us to go home, but we told them this was our home and we needed to protect the low seas of Minnesota. A few minutes later we saw Pawlenty's boat speed by us and the chase was on. We followed him to the middle of the lake and circled his boat for a while before riding back up close to shore to remind the people on land that there was a pirate nearby. After a bit of a break we returned out to sea, and Pawlenty was still fishing out there. I held up my sword and yelled “AAARRRGGG”, and then I heard some laughs and another “AAAARRRRGGGG” coming from his boat.
But then a few minutes later Pawlenty tried to escape and sped back towards shore where he could fish in a place in which all the press could see him. We followed him and there was a canoe in the waters nearby who were on our team to confront the pirate. We had our boat and the canoe move in on Pawlenty and the sheriffs who were protecting him, now Pawlenty was not laughing any more and he was angry that we were following him. After a few minutes he sped by the canoe and scowled at the mates on board.
We needed to follow him, but we had to get assistance first and there were a couple people who had been on shore with their banners that wanted to join us in our efforts to track down the pirate. We pulled up to the dock and they boarded our ship and we set back out to sea. Soon however the sheriff pulled up to our boat to confront us. They told us that the dock we went to was private property, but it was commercial private property and we had people there all morning and the owner had never complained. But now as we were all off the property the sheriff decided to confront us for tresspassing despite the fact that we were now on public waters. He checked out our boat to see if he could find any reason to fine us, but we were all legal so he could not do anything and he was forced to let us go.
We cruised the waters for a while until we spotted several boats up ahead and we knew that was where Pawlenty was. We started to bring our ship in closer and he got angry and immediately sped off, we followed in pursuit but his boat was a lot faster than ours so he left our sight for a while. We found his boats again a few minutes later but as soon as we spotted them his boat started to speed away, so we turned around to follow it in pursuit. We immediately realized however that something was wrong, the sheriffs boats were not following Pawlenty's boat, and there was one less person in red aboard. Pawlenty must have gotten on a different pirate ship to trick us, and so we turned around to see if we could find him but he was gone. The Pirate Pawlenty had escaped from us, but we had him on the run and we ruined his photo op so we were able to go home with a small victory on our hands.
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