Brown, Adams, Pike and Scioto Counties Demand Secession!

[theHandpuppet]

A message to the red voters of SW Ohio; namely, those in Clermont, Hamilton and Warren Counties:

Yes, we're damned well fed up with being ruled from that throne of neocon lunatic power, Zinzinnati, and its slavish, goosestepping neighbors, Warren and Clermont.

We're rural, poor and Appalachian and are sick and tired of "redneck hillbillies" being blamed for your insistent and persistent ignorance. We want it known that whenever and wherever discussions of Ohio politics are held, we do not wish to be lumped in with you as that "impossibly red" Southern Ohio. There is SW Ohio, ruled by Zinzinnati and its crazoid legacy of the Blackwells and Schmidts and Tafts, and there is SE Ohio, where we have nothing but our votes to throw in your face.

You dare to call us ignorant hillbillies, but in your case stupidity trumps any supposed ignorance on our part. Since our votes are totally meaningless in the 2nd District -- aka the General Electric Republic -- I hope you will consider letting us secede as to avoid any further embarrassment that may result from being lumped in with the likes of your fervently fascist selves.

We can assist you in facilitating your total break with reality by inviting any non-neoconderthals within your borders to resettle in what is now the 2nd District's outback of Scioto, Pike, Adams and Brown counties. Such an arrangement would, I'm sure, be welcomed by the parties involved and would save you the trouble of fixing any future elections. You may consider us uneducated but unlike you, we still know how to count.

From this time forward you may refer to those of us in the seceding Appalachian counties as "blueneck hillbillies", whilst we will refer to you as our "redbutts for brains" neighbors.

Further, while we will now be freed from your bondage to send true representatives of the people to DC, you will be free to welcome Taft and Blackwell back home to take their rightful positions as the rulers and future heirs to the Royal House of Porkopolis.

I hope you find this proposal to your liking, but if you do not, TOUGH SHIT. We've just about had enough of your jackboots on our necks and it would appear that secession from your tyrannical control is the only viable option.

In fact, we insist.

[Boomer]

1. Nominated!

Great post -- let's hear it for the Dems of Southern Ohio!

[oldtime dfl_er]

14. Wow, nice post!

http://www.cafepress.com/scarebaby/654252

[MeDeMax]

2. says it all -- n/t

[BamaLefty]

3. Nominated!

[roguevalley]

4. I know how you feel. Idiotville surrounds me too.

[katinmn]

5. It's the damn burbs. Rural areas and inner cities still have

real people in them.

The greedy SUV driving suburbanites seem to have lost their souls as well as their critical thiking skills. It's like this all over the country, my state included.

My apologies to liberals to who have to live amongst them. It must suck.

[lizzieforkerry]

8. It does suck, believe me.

Can I have an honorary residence in your new district?

[theHandpuppet]

9. Why yes! Welcome!

Hamilton County shouldn't be split to begin with -- it gives Cincinnati republicans control over TWO Ohio districts -- the 1st and 2nd. We demand they give up the second on the condition that they take Clermont and Warren Counties, along with their country clubs and extremist hate groups, with them.

The "New 2nd District of Ohio" will include Scioto (all of it, not half), Pike, Adams, Brown, Vinton and Jackson counties. We have beautiful countryside along the Ohio, virgin forests full of wildlife, fascinating hitorical places like the Great Serpent Mound and though there isn't much money, a rich cultural life.

Of course there aren't any jobs but since you're only an honorary resident that shouldn't be a problem. Real estate is dirt cheap here -- you could buy a "summer home" anywhere here in the area and give the local economies a boost.

Here's a sampling -- want 270 acres of your own private woods with streams, wildlife and amazing views for an 180,000 asking price? Come down our way! http://www.sciotohomes.com/fsbo39h.htm (And that's considered a bit expensive around here.)

[LaurenG]

16. Yes me too

I don't have an SUV and I recycle and I voted for Kerry and cried when he "lost" . Don't leave us in this mess alone!!

[bleever]

6. Brilliant.

[BQueen]

7. Great rant

But then I realized that Hackett's performance in the more rural areas means that the Repug gerrymandered districts that include rural areas are no longer a cinch -- all those 'values voters' in the country aren't a lock for them (if they ever even existed, which I doubt).

[theHandpuppet]

10. Economics eventually trumps appeals to "moral values"

As soon as folks realize that God doesn't repay favors or votes and there's no food on the table, they return to their senses. The repukes had their shot at Ohio's rural SE counties in 2004, but they won't have it again. Problem is the way the gerrymandered 2nd district is drawn, sucking the blue, rural Appalachian counties into the great black hole of Cincinnati Republican political control.

[theHandpuppet]

11. Just thought some of you might want to know (fighting back!)

I submitted my secession post to the Portsmouth Daily Times a couple of days ago. Today I got a call from them to verify my submission and they said they would be publishing it!! (Good thing I removed the word "SHIT" before I hit the "send" button, eh?) :D

Anyway, the Daily Times has a web page at: http://www.portsmouth-dailytimes.com/

Who knows how much of the letter will actually be printed, but hey, it's a start -- maybe the start of a mini-revolution!

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

19. and while i'm at it

what's your impression of the Daily Times?

i'm new and was wondering a bit about it's track record. how was their coverage of hackett/scmidt?

[theHandpuppet]

12. My LttE of the Portsmouth Times was printed!

Granted, what got printed was a much-shortened version of the original, but since I didn't expect it to get printed at all this was a nice surprise!

http://www.portsmouth-dailytimes.com/opinion/letters.cfm

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

18. -

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[Dark]

13. Cincinnati is Democratic. Problem is, Hamilton County is Republican

and more populous.

[Eurobabe]

15. 2nd district problem begins with W

As in frickin WARREN county.

My husband and I have developed a true hatred for this place, the only good thing to come of living here is that we have made beaucoup $$$ on our new house. So when we sell to move back East and overseas (soon) we'll have likely fleeced some unsuspecting Repube who HAD to be with the in crowd and live in Warren Co. (Not like they will be truly fleeced, they'll get a dang nice house in the process, we knew that we would get excellent resale by living in the roach-infested GOP district of Mason)

I'd be happy to count myself as a blueneck hillbilly, vs. these redbutts for brains here in Mason. The level of community koolaid consumption has hit an all time high, and I enjoy pissing them all off by displaying my Clark 08 license plate and my 86W sticker (unless I am at work, in which case I hide the oval)

I guess my message is, not all Masonites are redbutts.

[liam_laddie]

17. Cincinnati vs. the 'burbs

I like theHandpuppet's attitude! And mostly agree with the ideas.

But just to set the record straight, the City of Cincy went Kerry-Edwards 66%-30%, and Hackett won 63%, winning 96 of 107 precincts in the city's CD-2 area. It's the effing "white-flight" SUV-driving, cell phone yapping, cigarette-dangling, blonde (usually) country-club wives and their 16th-century "hubbies" who are the fantasy-based voters in SW Ohio. Makes me sick!

And if there were to be an accurate, transparent, auditable elections process in Warren and Clermont, and maybe even Hamilton, then I'll be convinced that this area is as red as rumor has it. There are plenty of moderate repukes who know they're riding a dead horse. Taft, Noe and Blackwell are leading them into the abyss.

Re: gerrymandering...a former state senator remarked to a friend
last year that "we redrew Two so that a Democrat couldn't win in a hundred years." PRICKS!

[Sadie5]

20. Was just reading through,saw handpuppets post

There are parts of Ohio which are very poor. Where others judge the citizens as lazy and welfare hogs. My parents, now in their 80s grew up in Ross County,Chillicothe. Things were pretty bad there with no jobs and no prospects for them. They migrated to Indiana in the early 40s and had a decent life. I still have many cousins who live in this area and for years they have worked hard at this and that, yet never seemed to really make a go of it. These are very proud folks who live in this area. They are religious, and do what they need to do to survive. When I do talk to one or another of my cousins about politics they don't seem to know what I am talking about, but after I explain this or that, they pick up on it. It would seem that the Democrats have largely ignored this area. I know more folks would want to get riled up and involved if they knew what all this was about. They were poor before Bush got installed in office, and are poorer now, this is their thinking on this. They seem to think this is a way of life for them. Some of my cousins, the ones who were able to leave the area and go to school have fared better than those who have stayed. This means education has also been neglected. The Democrats need to get out to these rural areas and talk to these people. They are by no means dumb, as some would imply, but uneducated about politics.

[AX10]

21. The Cuyahoga River Valley is blue, hardworking, and patriotic.

You are not "hillbillies", you are Americans. Cinci is "hillbilly hitlerland".