Those New "New" Labour pledges in full

[Mr Creosote]

1. We promise to really try to keep the pledges we made in 1997. No really we do. We'll start work on them straight after the election. Really we will. You can trust us - we're alright types of guys.
2. We will never, ever, ever mention what's going on Iraq. It's not an issue. OK?
3. We will root out the cancer of anti-semitism in the British establishment.
4. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr................
5. Is that enough?
6. And obviously we're not really going to keep to number 3.

Signed

The RT Hon A.W.M.D. Blair
Prime Minister and OK guy.

[muriel_volestrangler]

1. Translated into New Labourese

1. old promises, new schedules
2. line drawn, 'nuff said, good faith
3. my best friends more kosher
4. public discourse without verbs
5. more pledges than Tories doubleplussgood
6. fingers crossed by ad agency

Your friend Tone.

[non sociopath skin]

2. I think the one about being against sin will go down well ...

... however the one about "Mom and Apple Pie," may provide problems. My mom is quite left wing and some apples are imported from Cheeseeatingsurrendermonkeyneofascistland.

Could this be a chance for In Vino Veritas to come through the middle?

The Skin

[Mr Creosote]

3. And regarding point 3

The establishment are really getting bold. Not only is Livingstone relishing being back in the fold, and BBC reporter Michael Crick desperately digging for dirt on Howard's grandfather, now we have this:

"One of the Queen's best party tricks is putting on a cockney accent, according to Princess Michael of Kent.

In an interview with a German newspaper Welt am Sonntag (World on Sunday), the princess also talked about religion, politics and fox-hunting........................

She told the paper: "If Harry had worn a hammer and sickle, nobody would have got excited, even though the hammer and sickle stands for Stalin, gulag, pogrom and devastation."


The princess, whose father fought for the Nazis during World War II, said the British press has a "different sensibility" because of its "ownership structure"."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4273155.stm

What ownership structure CAN she mean? I'd send William, Henry, Crick, Livingstone & Princess Pushy all to Aushwitz and see how their sensibilites were then.

What ownership structure CAN she mean?

[fedsron2us]

4. Princess Michael is a one woman campaign for a Republic.

In one interview she can come up with more reasons for ditching the monarchy than anyone since Charles I was put on trial in 1649. If I were the Queen I would remind her that her grace and favour residence is dependent on her keeping her big gob shut.

[Mr Creosote]

5. I prefer her to the rest of them

at least she has the balls (and presumably a Princess called Michael HAS balls) to say in public to say what the rest of them keep quiet about.

[fedsron2us]

6. Hobsons choice. I do not want any of them.

The monarchy underpins the British class system which is the hidden cancer at the core of our society. It is noticeable that whilst the UK establishment has outwardly gone all PC about homophobia, racism etc it is still considered acceptable to spit on the lower classes. You can mock the accents of the ordinary working people of London or Norfolk without fear. Indeed, you can read whole articles in the mainstream media denigrating 'chavs' etc which uses language that would get you dragged before the courts if it was aimed at any religious or ethnic minority. This edifice is all supported by the hierarchy of privilege and forelock tugging which surround the crown. The machinery that underpins the system is highly sophisticated and very adept at identifying and neutralising potential threats. Normally, this is done by enticing opponents into the charmed circle via the ruritanian mummery of OBE's CBE's knighthoods etc. Of course, true radicals such as Tom Paine, who could never be brought onside, have just been air brushed out of British history. No lasting reform of British society is possible whilst the monarchy remains. Its abolition is an essential step on the road to this becoming a truely modern country. The have been hopeful signs in recent years that the whole structure has begun to wobble a bit. One can only hope that if Princess Michael expounds a few more middle European fascist fantasies and Prince Harry continues to exercise poor choice in fancy dress then the whole edifice will come tumbling down. Perhaps then the 'Good Old Cause' of the 17th century republicans will finally triumph.

[mr blur]

7. She also said,

if I recall correctly, that problems were being caused by people marrying outside their class. Well, that's put the rest of us in our place. Not that I'd want to spend time with any of them, let alone marry one of them. Besides, my wife wouldn't like it.