How to jazz up the party leaders' TV debates

[T_i_B]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/mar/08/charlie-brooker-political-debates

So: those televised prime ministerial debates will definitely be happening in the runup to the election. The excitement is hard to contain: three separate primetime shows on Sky, ITV and the Beeb in which Brown, Cameron and Clegg will get the opportunity to talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. And possibly jig. But mainly talk.

Depending on your point of view, this is either a refreshing opportunity for politicians to connect with the electorate, or the least sexy hour of television since that Channel 4 documentary where they chopped up an elephant.

So terrifying-yet-alluring is the prospect of the debates, the parties have only consented to take part provided each broadcaster adheres to a series of 76 rules, drawn up in advance. Every aspect will be controlled, from the time allocated to each question, to the layout of the set – even the framing of audience cutaway shots is crucial. Presumably spin doctors from all three parties will be lurking ominously on the sidelines, ready to run in and kick the cameramen to death if their candidate starts looking too sweaty. You can already picture Andy Coulson in the wings, chewing gum and eavesdropping on the gallery audio feed, which has been illegally tapped by a private detective and routed directly into Andy Coulson's earpiece without Andy Coulson's knowledge.

Curiously, one thing that's left open to the broadcaster is the opening and closing credits. Rule 68 states that "each broadcaster responsible for their own titles, music, branding etc". If I was running ITN – which, at the time of writing, I'm not – I'd make the most of this sole crumb of freedom by creating an insanely inappropriate title sequence in which a claymation Brown, Cameron and Clegg take turns performing sex acts on a cow, a kettle and a hole in the ground, all of it backed by the old It's a Knockout theme tune. Then it abruptly cuts live to the studio, where all three leaders have been waiting to speak, watching with mounting horror as this sickening cartoon unfolded on the monitors. As they storm out, a body language expert analyses their facial expressions, and the studio audience waves giant foam hands around. It might not affect the election either way, but who cares: that's entertainment.

[muriel_volestrangler]

1. Recommended. Best to read the whole thing, to build up to the final paragraph

Booker on his best form.

[dipsydoodle]

2. Indeed

:rofl:

[T_i_B]

3. Kick to the top for tonights debate on ITV

Which I will not be watching.

[non sociopath skin]

4. Will only be watching the first 30 mins I suspect ...

... HIGNFY with Marcus Brigstock at 9 and Jon Stewart on More 4+1 at 9.30 seem much more attractive options IMHO ...

The Skin