When did Victoria lower the age of consent...

[foreigncorrespondent]

...to something below 16?

I will try and make a very long story as short as possible.

My 15 year old niece ran away from home Tuesday this week. I spoke to her for all of 19 minutes on Wednesday over the phone to try to talk her into going back home (her mother is a wreck) but no avail.

Basically over the phone to me she admitted hating her mother. She says it is because her mother yells. I told her, that basically having a fight with your mother (which they did and one which my sister later apologized for) is no reason to run away from home. That if she wants to appear mature enough to handle life, then she is better of facing problems and trying to get them sorted out.

Well it is now Saturday, and I learned last night that things have gone from bad to worse very quickly. SO bad that my mum is heading to Metung today in order to be with my sister and lend some support (I can't be there, I have a work schedule I cannot break.)

We (we being myself, my sister, my mother, Sapphocrat, many teachers, her father and step mother and a couple of school councilors) believe my niece to have some mental disorders (I strongly believe one to be MPD) because she is NOT acting like a normal kid her age.

On Thursday night we found where she would be staying so her step grandmother went to see her. She spoke with her for hours (until her face was blue) and to no avail. Later that night her step grandparents got a call from the place where K was staying telling one of them to come get K. Basically two older boys had shown up at this house looking for K, they tried to set fire to the house, broke a window, had my niece around the throat and was trying to pull her out of the window (... more about this and police later) and these older boys are known to police as drug addicts etc.

Anyway I get home from work last night and my mother informs me that all had broken out down there. Basically my sister talked to one of the school councilors and broached the subject of K's (my niece) mental health. Basically the councilor said to my sister that she is happy she is bringing it up because she (the councilor) wanted to bring it up with her.

They spoke for a while and organized for K to be tested for some mental disorders yesterday. The councilor called my niece (my sister does NOT know where her daughter is. We have all been communicating to her through her mobile phone) and organized for her to come to school and see her. Well my niece stood her up after promising she would. And later my sister learned that my niece would be spending the night with a 17 year old boy, who is really NOT a good role model for her to be around.

Through all this my sister has been in contact with the police and has gotten absolutely no where with them. They keep saying she is a runaway so there is nothing they can do. I say bullshit. The kid is NOT mentally stable. With these older boys trying to find her she is obviously not safe. And now she is spending the night with a 17 year old drug addict.

So when did Victoria lower the age of consent to allow a 15 year old to sleep around? (And yes that is exactly what my niece is doing.)

My sister is about to have a break down. I am at my wits end because I cannot be there for her (I cannot risk losing my job.) This situation is affecting everyone in my family, and K's extended (fathers) family. None of us know what to do anymore.

If we can't get help from the police then what is the use of a police department? Especially one that doesn't want to do its job.

[Matilda]

1. FC, I'm sorry to hear about this,

but I don't hold out a lot of hope if she doesn't want to come back.

I personally know a family where a 13 year old girl ran away because her mother wouldn't let her go
to the Big Day Out by herself (none of her friends was allowed to go). DOCS basically supported the
child against the parents, fostered her out but she ran away from every place she was sent, and in
the end, the state (NSW) just gave her an allowance and subsidised accommodation and left her to her
own devices. Of course she got in with a bad crowd, and was doing drugs, drinking and having sex
well below the legal age. DOCS simply weren't interested, and after a year of fighting to get her
back, the family gave up and just focused everything on their son.

She did eventually go back to school and got her HSC, although not the high marks she should have
got because she was working as well as studying. The rift with the family is partly healed, but
neither her parents nor her brother feel they can ever trust her again - they're always waiting for
her to do something against them, which is really sad. She never went back home, and she's a
bright girl but a really tough little cookie as a result of her experiences.

What I would say to you is, don't encourage your family to call in any official body for help - try
to find some way of mediating without police, because they'd call in DOCS, and it could make the
whole situation worse.

Is there somebody she trusts who's not an official or a teacher who might be able to talk to her?

[Violet_Crumble]

2. Didn't anyone point out that under 15's aren't allowed into the BDO?

Not by themselves, anyway. They've got to have a guardian over 18 with them and even then they're not allowed in the controlled area close to the main stage...

Violet...

[foreigncorrespondent]

6. Thanks for the response mate!

Sorry I haven't gotten back to this thread until now, just been one busy girl, with work, and then racing out yesterday to buy a new computer.

The nightmare is now over. She did come home yesterday. I am yet to talk to my sister to find out how everything has been going, but I do know she intends to get my niece tested for possible disorders very quickly. So the tests can be done before this happens again. (Second time she has done this. First time was six months ago and not as bad. She was at a friend of her mum's and me home and we were able to get her the day she went missing.)

As for no one official talking to her, the only person I can think of who might stand a remote chance would be Sapphocrat. But alas Sapphocrat is so over the entire situation with my niece and I don't blame her one bit. My niece has caused my family a lot of trouble in the last six years Sapph and I have been a couple.

So now it is back to just sitting on the edge with regards to my niece than falling in and not able to get out. I really don't think life was meant to be this difficult. LOL

Thanks again, mate!

[Violet_Crumble]

3. FC....

I really feel terrible for you and yr family. That's the stuff that parental nightmares are made of. I hope I never face anything like that when it comes to my daughter and my batallion of nieces and nephews as they get older. I honestly don't know what any of you can do and all I can say is even if you can't be there physically for yr sister, keep in touch as much as you can and let her know yr there at the end of the phone any time she wants to talk to you...

*hugs*

Violet...

[Matilda]

4. I second that ....

Try to get the family to pull back a bit, sometimes there's an element
of attention-getting in this kind of behaviour. Let her know that
everyone's there, but nobody's going to force her to do anything. And
please try and persuade them not to call the authorities; they so often
make things worse.

Edit: This was about six or seven years ago, and I don't know whether
there was an age restriction then or not - I certainly think there should have been. But the reason was as seemingly trivial as with FC's
niece - it seems totally out of proportion.

[foreigncorrespondent]

7. Thanks, mate!!!

I hope for your families sake you never have to go through things like this either. It is not an easy situation to be in. And having Sapph on the other side of the world doesn't help any either. Sometimes I just really need to lean on her and this past week was one of those times.

As I said above my niece finally turned up at her mothers yesterday. As yet I haven't spoken with my sister to find out what has been happening, but at least this part of it is over for now. My sister will be getting her tested pretty quick for the possible disorders she might have, so at least once they are done we will know exactly what is wrong with the kid and get the help she really needs.

I am meant ton be talking to my sister tonight some time after nine, but my roster got changed for today again, so I will be calling her a little later to get all the latest updates. Since that has been happening I have spoken to my sister on a daily basis. And made her laugh where I could.

Once again, thanks for the words mate, it is greatly appreciated. :)

[Djinn]

5. In Victoria the law regarding age of consent

has stated for a LONG time that a 10 year old can consent to sex if the partner is no more than two years older and is not in a position of authority (teacher/guardian etc).

Rightly or wrongly it is perfectly legal for your 15 year old niece to have sex with a 17 year old, there is nothing the police can do to prevent it.

Through all this my sister has been in contact with the police and has gotten absolutely no where with them. They keep saying she is a runaway so there is nothing they can do. I say bullshit. The kid is NOT mentally stable. With these older boys trying to find her she is obviously not safe. And now she is spending the night with a 17 year old drug addict.

I’m the last person to defend the police, but they’re right – what could they do, drag her physically back home where she clearly doesn’t want to be, and will simply run away from again, she is legally allowed to choose to sleep with a 17 year old and it’s not illegal to choose really bad boyfriends.

Unless her mental state is so bad (and it’d need to be REALLY chronic) there’s very little you or your family can do – if she was a threat to herself or others (and that’d need to be more than making bad choices, sleeping around or taking drugs) then she could possibly be sectioned under the mental health act. It is very unlikely though that you’d get an order for this kind of behaviour and I would seriously advise not even trying going down that route if you ever want a relationship with her again. It would be very destructive to any chances of rebuilding a relationship with her family.

There is nothing that the police can do in this situation, and Child protection services do what they are legally allowed to do, they can't do anything else. They can choose to refuse the child any income at which point they are blamed for runaways going on the game.

They can not force a teenager to live with his/her parents. People who work in this field have enormous stress levels because no matter they do everyone hates them.

The best thing your sister and your family can do is let her get through this on her own, it’s an awful thing to say and it makes you feel useless and parents like failures but you really have little choice, if she is pushed and dragged back home, or you manage to get the cops to arrest her boyfriend then she’ll simply hate you and in a couple of years she can freely choose to never see you all again.

I would caution you all not to get too angry (or let perfectly understandable concern be viewed as anger by your niece) and definitely do not call her partner or friends losers/druggie whatever in front of her. It’s so easy for teenagers to feel besieged and they will respond by pulling away further.

I went a little wild (shall we call it) in my teen years, thankfully my parents had a bit of experience and knowledge as a result of their occupations at the time and dealt with it very softly – I got over it eventually and went on to have a much better and much closer relationship with my parents than almost anyone I know.

A “co-maddie” of those years never repaired the relationship with her parents because they constantly attempted to have her and several friends/boyfriends arrested (including me), constantly called the cops to tell them they were drug dealing (they actually weren’t) tried to have her committed and there was constant angst and no attempt made to understand why she felt she couldn’t be in the same room as her parents. When she turned 16 she left permanently, she has since changed her name and has had absolutely no contact with her parents or wider family for over 15 years.

She is an extreme example but you really have to be careful, it's a crappy situation to be in but speaking from experience, softly softly beats police/welfare involvement.