The Night before Christmas - for the election fraud crew

[WilliamPitt]

I cobbled this terrible bit of doggerel together while driving up to see my mom. Apologies to the original author...

'Twas the night before Christmas, and in the White House
Junior sat by the fire, gulping down Famous Grouse.
The scapegoats were hung from the roof beams with care,
As an un-subtle warning: Let leakers beware!

Not far down the hall could be found brother Jed,
With visions of dynasties filling his head;
Barb in her 'kerchief, with Poppy behind,
Took care to protect her most beautiful mind,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Poppy stifled a yawn to see what was the matter.
Could it be Ollie North, or a damned Sandanist?
Or perhaps it’s St. Ronnie, reborn for the feast!

The moon on the breast of the polluted snow
Gave the lustre of petrol to objects below,
When, what to his suspicious eyes should appear,
But Saddam Hussein with a case of cold beer!

With a corporate contingent, so stalwart and staid,
Poppy knew in a moment they must want to get paid.
Saddam was, after all, an employee,
Of many long years, for a nice, tidy fee;

"Now Diebold! Now Triad! Now ES&S!
Of plummeting dollars, we must all protest!
We put you in office! All libs to the wall!
You owe us a favor, and so now we call!"

As dry sand that before occupation does fly,
And the children of Baghdad, so still do they lie,
So up to the White House the contingent did stride,
To cash in at last on all who have died.

And then, in a twinkling, Poppy heard at the door
The thumping of jackboots on the hard marble floor.
As he pulled out his pen to write a fat check,
Saddam came before him, a chain ‘round his neck.

He was dressed all in orange, from his head to his foot,
And his beard was all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of skulls he tossed on the couch,
And bent double low in a menacing crouch.

Poppy‘s eyes grew wide - “He means to attack!
This ungrateful scoundrel! We gave him Iraq!
Does he not understand his important role?
My God! We put cable in his spider hole!”

What Saddam was after, Poppy couldn’t quite see.
He hoped the old bastard might have found WMDs.
It made Poppy so mad to hear George criticized
For going to war on a raft full of lies.

Some sarin? Some mustard? Is that VX I spy?
A sop to be thrown to the soldiers who’ve died?
But no, Poppy saw, and he slumped in despair,
He knew the hard truth - the stuff wasn’t there.

Saddam spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And beat ye living crap out of the pompous jerk,
While Junior, semi conscious, did powder his nose,
And lolling his head fell into a doze.

Saddam finished his work with a menacing glee,
Saying, “Next time you’ll value your employee!
Now get me a lawyer, and find me a job!
We have other weak nations to pillage and rob!”

[Career Prole]

LOL! Merry Holiday, Will...

...and "Hey!" to Ma Pitt!

[sepia_steel]

1. Hahahahahahaha

Nice work.

[bleever]

2. Damn that's good! Makes me wanna tackle "A Christmas Carol."

LOL!

[txindy]

4. Ack! That better not come down my chimney!

[bleever]

10. Well, they're outsourcing everything else these days...

Let's just hope it wasn't one of those no-bid contracts!

"Christmas: a Carlyle Group Production."

:7

[seito]

28. lol n/t

[holierthanthou]

3. Merry Christmas

It seems to me that you are having more fun than a human being should be allowed to have!

[txindy]

5. LOL! This is great! You've certainly captured Junior. Poppy & Saddam, too.

[corbett]

6. Hilarious! Beautiful!

[goclark]

7. Funnee! nt

[liberalla]

8. Ha Ha!

I liked this part-
"Saddam spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And beat ye living crap out of the pompous jerk,"

It's rather satisfying to read that!

[MelissaB]

17. That was my favorite part, too.

:hi:

Merry Christmas, everybody!

[Blue_In_AK]

9. FABulous! Thanks. n/t

[Amaryllis]

11. I envisioned Saddam as the ghost of Xmas past and present....

[savistocate]

12. It's definitely brilliant--do not get (SH) in orange tho?

......

[WilliamPitt]

13. Prison garb

[Clark2008]

14. Or maybe Saddam is just a Miami fan?

;)

[savistocate]

27. oh..of course..have my mind stuck w. Ukraine righteous

protest.

[KittyWampus]

15. Whazzup With Will's Signature? Anyone? Who IS THAT???..

...the thumping of jackboots... aha aha aha

[WilliamPitt]

16. Dan Marino

I lost a bet with trumad.

[FloridaCrat]

18. Family's done with dinner

off to bed waiting for the winner.
Nowhere, no how did I have a clue
That I'd discover my prize in DU.

Thank you Will Pitt
for the cap to my night
How nowhere, not now
there wasn't a fight.

With loved ones who believe,
we get to rest for one eve.
Restore the spirit on the special day
There's dragons and faux wmd's to slay.

[liam97]

19. Check the breakfornews postings

Will, do you think they are overstating the case

[WilliamPitt]

20. I hope not

My sources have intimated nothing of the kind to me, but there are lots of sources from lots of places.

[liam97]

21. I heard the audio

it is an analysis of some of the facts we know, but it doesn't seem that those fact lead to this conclusion

[anamandujano]

22. I hate to be critical but,

You forgot to work in the word F*ckers somewhere. Other than that, utter perfection.

Have a relaxing Christmas everyone or, go visit the family. (I saw that on a Christmas card.)





I gotta run, Santa's here.

[texpatriot2004]

23. Thanks Will, how clever and fitting this Christmas season. n/t

[WilliamPitt]

24. .

[spoogly]

25. Merry Christmas Will

Thanks for everything you are doing. A lot of us out here are less frequent posters, but certainly appreciate all of your great work and the work of others at DU

[Peace Patriot]

26. "As dry sand that before occupation does fly..."

A tour de force of a line!