A message from the Blue States ; re: divorce settlement

[BigBearJohn]

Dear Mr. President:

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals.
Actually,we're a bit ticked off here in California,
so we're leaving.

California will now be its own country. And we're
taking all the blue states with us. In case you are not aware, that
includes Hawaii,Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan,
Illinois, and all of the Northeast.

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will
be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new
country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it,
she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday.

Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their
states by then. So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We
get the Governator, stem cell research and the best beaches. We get
Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.(Okay, we have to keep Martha Stewart,
we can live with that.) We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get
Ole Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get all the technological innovation in Alabama. We get about
two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's,
we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms to
support, and we know how much you like that. Did I mention we produce
about 70% of the nation's veggies? But heck the only greens the
Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs. Oh yeah, another
thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your state dinners.
From now on it's imported French wine for you. Ouch, bet that hurts.

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and
anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all blue state citizens
back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask your evangelicals.
They have tons of kids they're willing to send to
their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you
don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.

Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four
years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass
destruction.

Seriously. Soon.

Sincerely,
California

[Clark2008]

1. I heard this before

And it's divisive.

Stop it.

BTW, bodies on Virginia's beaches are better - not so much plastic in 'em.

[BigBearJohn]

2. A bit, but what isn't nowadays? I think it puts things in perspective

through a little humor.

And aside from that, I'm a little tired of
turning the other cheek. This nice guy
ain't gonna finish last.

[nadinbrzezinski]

6. too late

the country IS in a snarky mood.. the boys on the right started this a while ago... oh and by the way... in case you have missed it... just like the years preceding the civil war people are getting radicalized. I am not talking DU or Freeperland for that matter, but those who never before paid real good attention to this.

[Clark2008]

8. You must live in a safe blue state then

I don't.

I live in a blue city in a red county in a red state.

We can help you, but not if you don't help us.

I AM paying attention and California can sod off. The trick is playing to the fly-overs. Really. I'm tired of being ignored. Kerry didn't visit my state but ONCE.

[BigBearJohn]

9. Well, I do like what you said.. it is a message of unity -- but --

I am not feeling very charitable toward the Republicans right now.
Regardless of what side of the fence a person sits on, a person
should be able to somewhat discern the truth. When I see something noble done
by a Republican, I give them their due. However, any idiot with half a brain
can see the total sham * is trying to pull on the American public
with "reforming" Social Security... and most of us know he is only
going to end up destroying it. I am so sickened by people of his ilk
that I could just spit. I don't care if you are Democrat or a
Republican.. just show some common sense and some compassion for your
fellow human beings. Sad to say, I think * and his minions
(and I don't use that word sparingly) are reprobates and the
epitome of evil, incapable of change. I just hope they haven't
infected too many people. It's not hate that I feel for them as much as it
is disgust.

[BigBearJohn]

13. Well sometimes Dems can get to feeling like they are the minority

this gives you another perspective.
I certainly felt better after reading it.

[realisticphish]

10. i live in a blue city in a blue county in a purple state

ohio. be careful what you wish for, friend, i would frankly like to be ignored for a while

:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[Erika]

3. A big smile :-)

Bush made his choice. He chose to alienate anyone who disagreed with his far right wing politics and endorsed evangelical politicians who believed in his voiding Christ's Golden Rule by his insistence on pre-emptive strikes. I think he and his whole cabinet should be put out for next Thursday's trash collection.

[Clark2008]

7. You don't realize what a small bit of change is

Look, I got one of those "getting to know you" e-mails at work. All the girls were filling it out. When I got it, the last question was "Evolution or Creation" and all had said, "Creation."
I put... BOTH. I said there was no rule that God's days and human days were the same and that we KNOW evolution had happened (dinosaurs or, more recently, humans being several inches taller in 30 years). By the end of the chain, EVERYONE had put "both."
It's influence and chosing the argument.
It can be done.
Neighbor to neighbor, friend to friend. It's chosing your words as not to offend, but to lead. It's really not that hard. Try it sometime, instead of automatically writing people off because they're not from Manna.

[JDPriestly]

4. Fantastic!

May I forward this. Whoops! If you're on my e-mail list and you get a copy, there goes my cover. But, I'll chance it. May I?

[BigBearJohn]

5. be my guest

[JDPriestly]

18. Thanks.

[Retired AF Dem]

11. Only part I dont agree with

"You get all the technological innovation in Alabama" We can hold our own down here in Huntsville with NASA, Boeing, Lockhead-Martin, Adtran and the list can go on and on.

http://www.huntsvillealabamausa.com/news/nat_recog.html

[joeystoy]

12. Don't Forget UAB

Breakthrough research being done here. How can that be? It's a backward, toothless cultural and intellectual wasteland.

Gee... I wonder why the Red State (Red County, Red Town, Red Village) dunderheads look upon the Coasters with such disdain?

[European Socialist]

14. I'm with you

Either you believe in progressive government or not. The separation does not have to be bitter or violent-but we do need a different arrangement for those of us who want the lifestyle of the rest of the Industrialized World.

[Name removed]

15. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Jo March]

17. LAD - hope you enjoy your short stay on DU

nt

[Jo March]

16. Ah, the prerequisite slam on Alabama

Sigh. My state sure has made a name for itself, hasn't it?

:(

[Corey_Baker08]

19. Good Idea...

I think it would b funny to flood the white houses fax machines with this letter on a certain day, that would definately get som attention.

Just a thought

[Coexist]

20. Do registered Dems get "blue cards"

to emigrate freely to Cali?

I have to put up being governed by - not one - but TWO blivets.

I think I deserve to be at the top of the immigration list, don't I?