Hi all,
Long story short, my career as an independent researcher has fallen upon rough times, and with the August recess in full swing here in DC, things have become desperate. I'm short on next month's rent and delinquent on all my bills. The end is nigh.
I'm a decent enough person with a few serious flaws that we can discuss privately. I'm a great researcher with a little bit of grease over at the National Archives and the Library of Congress. I can learn the basics of any subject quickly and submit written reports on it. I write often, if not well. I can report on hearings and legislation, edit and proofread, and perform most paralegal duties. I've scheduled meetings and escorted out-of-town clients all over Capitol Hill and through the various agencies. I draft correspondence in my sleep. I can run a receptionists' switchboard, kiss Congresscritters' asses at fundraisers, and keep people talking at parties. I've run a rudimentary office computer network while standing in as a cut-rate historian and lawyer, all at the same time. I'm not a bad tour guide, either.
I have a seersucker suit and a bow tie, a charcoal suit I can't afford to press, and a tuxedo.
I've built decks, painted houses, changed oil, mowed lawns, walked dogs, moved furniture, scooped ice cream, done Porsche dealer exchanges, and been the stable boy for the priceless and unique cars of a former Chairman of MobilCorp. The cars I detailed won shows, but right now I don't have a driver's license or materials and can't afford to get either.
This week I was rejected as a sperm donor, but those people don't know what they're talking about--my sperm is great! Sometimes I even give it away for free.
Every day, paid or not, I read dozens of news articles and I have a business tracking and reporting on pet issues for my limited circle of clients. I also have a conscience, which I guess is why I'm so damned poor.
I need to take home at least a thousand dollars in two weeks, or my goose is cooked. I'm not looking to make all of that at once. If you need me or think you know someone who does, I hope you'll reply to me either publicly or privately. You can email me at deathpoodle "at" hotmail dot com (I've spelled it out to throw off the bots). I'll send you a resume, and I have a few professional writing samples, too. If you want highly unprofessional samples, I've got them
right here in my journal.
Thank you in advance for your consideration.
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