We really got screwed on this whole god thing.

[More Than A Feeling]

I think we can all agree that a god who will give you superpowers in exchange for worshipping it is pretty much the best kind of god that could exist. But we've missed the boat. Thousands of years ago, there were such gods. Even Yahweh, that notoriously inscrutable and jealous god, got into the act. But now-a-days, we're lucky if we get one measely message through a person, or through a ritual. BORING!

That is why I am announcing auditions to select a new god. They will be open to all current gods, saints, spirits, ghosts,and demigods. The winner will be elevated to a seat of ultimate power over all humanity, and will be the entity that is ready, willing, and able to grant its followers awesome superpowers. The mightier the powers, the better the chance of winning.

I really think this could work. This way, even if Yahweh ends up keeping His job, at least we'll be getting more out of the deal than we were before.

[Evoman]

1. I nominate Zhade.

[cosmik debris]

10. You are just sucking up

So you can inherit the Earth. I've already heard your story. You can't fool me.

[Dogmudgeon]

2. Sometimes I regret I'm an atheist.

:banghead:

--p!

[babylonsister]

3. Hell yeah. I'd love to see the god of anti-cancer and obnoxious hairs. nt

[GreenZoneLT]

4. www.firejesus.com

Any messiah that leaves us hanging for nearly 2,000 years now (and counting) is just a tease. I say we bring back the whole Greek pantheon. They never did much for us, but they didn't promise anything, either. And they made excellent soap opera. I mean, which would you rather have all over TV, TomKat and Britney's cooter, or Aphrodite cheating on Hesphaestus with Ares and Zeus boinking everything in sight?

The Greek afterlife sucks, though. Unless you're you're one in 100 billion and make demigod, you spend eternity in the underworld as a semi-mindless shade. Bleah.

[DeSwiss]

5. Okay, I'll take a shot here.....

Here are my Top Ten Superpower Abilities I'd want from the "New and Improved God"

10. Ability to pick melons that are always sweet

9. Ability to have the perfect comeback line immediately, not two hours later

8. Ability to turn Republicans into Democrats -- or toads depending on my mood

7. Ability to make Cheney's guns ALWAYS shoot Republican lawyers in the face

6. Ability to make James Dobson say "I just loves me some homosexuals" at will

5. Ability to give Ann Coulter a soul

4. Ability to make all Islamic martyr's 72 virgins look like the Chicago Bears defensive line (that ought to put a stop to that shit)

3. Ability to turn all electronic voting machines into expresso machines

2. Ability to change the Constitution so that no one named "Bush" can ever run for any political office

And the number one Superpower Ability I'd want from the New and Improved God......

1. Ability to make all politicians to ALWAYS tell the truth, thus ending government as we know it

[and-justice-for-all]

6. I vote for no G-ds....

Servatiude to the invisiable and unproveable are quite dated as well as bunk...

But, if its just for fun, then I will nominate FSM.

[More Than A Feeling]

11. Dude, if a god gave you superpowers, wouldn't that be some kind of evidence?

Of course it's just for fun.

[TheMadMonk]

7. I nominate Billious. The OH GOD of hangovers.

[pecwae]

9. Billious would serve

well or the God of Verruca.

[Meshuga]

8. YWHW has been smeared

That's my take. His Republican son and his supporters did a great smear campaign against YHWH!