Believers, if you lost your faith, how would your family react?

[More Than A Feeling]

Would they have a hard time accepting it, or would they assure you that they loved you no matter what?

[waiting for hope]

1. Hard time accepting...

My Mom has already questioned whether or not I believe in God - only because I have turned my back on organized religion - that doesn't mean I'm not spiritual. Explaining that is a bit tough, especially since in the last 10 years she's found religion again herself.

[More Than A Feeling]

3. Does she give you the third degree, to find out your precise beliefs, so that you just want

to cry out: "why are you letting ideas come between us?"

[waiting for hope]

6. She's more concerned

about how I'm raising my kids, she wants us to take them to Church on Sundays but like I said, I have this thing about organized religion. No really the third degree, more like "But honey, don't you think your children would benefit from going to Church?" kinda thing.

[More Than A Feeling]

9. Oh, yeah, raising the kids. My SO wants any kids we have to be raised Christian

I'm not Christian anymore, and she now knows that.

[JerseygirlCT]

11. It can be a very, very tough thing to negotiate (and I mean

negotiate like making your way through white water rapids, not like dealing with a car salesman).

It requires a great deal of respect for each other's beliefs and some flexibility, I think.

Is she attached to a particular denomination? Could you both be comfortable with a UU congregation?

[More Than A Feeling]

13. I'm already attending a UU society while I'm at law school.

I'd have no problem whatsoever raising UU kids. She has said that she wants Christian, but I haven't raised the alternatives yet. What I said was that I wanted my children exposed to all faiths, and then let them decide (she is and I was an American Baptist, so my approach fits in well with the Baptist concept of "soul freedom".) Now that you mention it, a UU approach is perfect for that.

[JerseygirlCT]

15. There shouldn't be anything to *conflict* with Christianity there,

just won't be all about that.

I like the idea, but personally, I'm attached to the liturgy of my church. Must be the theater-lover in me, lol. But other services tend to feel sterile to me.

The benefits, aside from strictly religious things, of a church home can be really great for kids. I love to watch all the kids at our church running around, feeling very loved and cared for by all sorts of people. I know there are an entire group of people unrelated to me who would do almost anything for my children. That's a wonderful feeling.

[JerseygirlCT]

2. The second, for sure.

Raised Catholic, I'm now Episcopalian. Married to an agnostic Jew, from a family of Reform Jews on the liberal side of things.

There's truly not a thing I could do that would result in the loss of my parents' love (either my parents or my in-laws).

I know that makes me extraordinarily fortunate.

(And like the car keys, my faith often has a way of getting lost, and then found. Sometimes several times a day!)

[Meshuga]

8. Are your kids

being raised Episcopalian?

[JerseygirlCT]

10. Yup. I honestly would have been content to have them raised

as Jews, but my husband wasn't interested enough to take that on. No faith at all was the option I couldn't live with.

It's occasionally tough for my father in law that his grandkids (the only ones with his name) are not Jewish, but his connection is more about tradition than theology. It can be hard sometimes for my husband, as his non-belief hits up on my belief. But respect carries us through. He sees what faith means to me, and couldn't disagree with anything my kids are taught about how to treat other people. He's not a fan of organized religion, but has seen that it can be a good thing for his wife and his kids.

We celebrate all the major holidays together. My kids are very aware of and respectful of their Jewish heritage. Both families have a great respect for each other, too. All that helps a great deal.

[Meshuga]

17. That's the thing with Jews

There is more connection to the tradition and identity than with belief. I know interfaith couples and usually works like this. The kids are raised with the religion of the parent who is more into his/her religion. The reason why I asked is because my rabbi is writing a book on interfaith marriages and raising kids and he recommends picking one or the other (not both) if the parents decide they are going to raise their kids with a religious background.

[JerseygirlCT]

18. That was the case with us.

I understand the concern in the Jewish community about assimilation, and know I'm taking part in that. But I'm the one who finds this important, and I'm the one doing the heavy lifting in this area. And, bottom line to me, is it's all the same God, and I don't think God gives a hoot how we worship, really. All that is human need and human invention. When it brings you closer to God, good.

Of course, had my in-laws been much more conservative, we might have had some problems. Ditto with my parents and their Catholicism. But in fact, both sets of parents were shocked that we'd even wonder if there were any concerns from them when we announced our engagement. They were all a bit offended at the idea! And when I had left the RCC, but hadn't found a new church home yet, it was often my MIL urging me to do so.

As I said, I'm very fortunate.

[Monkeyman]

4. I sort of lost mine for a while after my wife died My family left me alone

Then a Member of the DU helped me get it back

[keopeli]

5. Profound disappointment. They've dealt with the 'gay' thing. Another bombshell may be too much. nt

[JerseygirlCT]

12. I'm sorry. That's got to be very painful. nt

[razors edge]

7. Raised baptist,

not southern, didn't take, but no problem here.

Oldest bro is a fundie born again, but we can still get together, just the two of us in the mountains alone for deer hunting, and not shoot each other.

We may have heated debate but we would still do anything for each other.

No one else in the family much gives a shit.

[Zebedeo]

14. My parents would not care.

They are atheistic. My wife would likely stage an intervention out of love and concern for me. I would hope she would. I would do the same for her.

[More Than A Feeling]

16. An intervention? Well, I guess things could be worse.

I'd hate it if someone did that to me.

[NMMNG]

19. I lost my faith and was concerned with how my family would react

Specifically with how my mother and one sister would react since they're the religious ones in the family, my sister being very devout. I avoided telling them for several years due to my fears over their reactions and every time they asked me about church simply told them I was too busy with work to go (I live several states away so we see each other about once a year and talk on the phone about once a month).

Eventually during one of my visits my sister and I ended up in a discussion about church/religion and she just came right out and asked me if I'd stopped believing. I told her I had and we talked about it a bit. It ended up that my fears were all for nothing--at least with them.

[Evoman]

20. Man, do I ever feel lucky to have good parents.

Okay...lol...maybe "relatively" good parents. My mom basically doesn't care at all what I do as long as I can pay my bills, and am happy. If I told her I "gaining" faith, she would just go..."oh okay...good. Do you want some coffee?". My dad pretty much hates religion (he's an bit marxist about the whole thing) but he wouldn't change his behaviour to me at all....he may debate me if I brought it up, but thats about it.

[kwassa]

21. Wouldn't care.

as they don't have any themselves.

[Zebedeo]

23. my situation also

Were you raised in a nonreligious household? If so, how did you become a believer?

[EvilAL]

22. I never had it to lose.

I can't really say I had faith to lose. I believed in God a little longer than Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. My father didn't really care either way, he believed in it all, but wasn;t very religious.
My mother as well, but she's believes it more and takes it to heart a little more if I do certain things.
Like for example, when I go to church, it's for a wedding or funeral, that's it. I never make the sign of the cross, take communion, say the prayers or the "also with you" stuff at all. I will kneel down when asked to kneel or stand when everyone stands and things like that, just so I don't stick out. I went to catechism (sp?) until grade 6 and then I was finished, confirmation.
My mother had a hard time with me not wanting my kida baptised, so I went along.. Then it was they had to go to catechism to have their confirmation etc.. so they could get married in church was her excuse..
I also got the "Let them decide for themselves when they are odler if they want to believe in Jesus and God". I said, "that's exactly what I'm doing."
She/in-laws didn't see it that way.. they looked at it like.. well, make them do this now and then they are done, and if they choose later not to want to have anything to do with it they can.. That kind of logic doesn't bode to well with me, but I'm not gonna argue religion and it's bullshit with them or usually anyone else unless they are trying to preach to me or something to that effect.
Basically my parents knew I wasn't religious or believed in any of that stuff for a long time.. but my mom still thinks that "out of respect" I should do all the christian catholic chruch stuff the once a year I might have to go.

[nickols_k]

24. neutral

Guess it's personal of every from us which religion must rule our lives!

Be bless!

[Nikia]

25. Although my parents are both religious now

They both (separately since they were divorced) went through a period of skepticism when they were in their twenties and early thirties. In my teens, I was much more religious than them and they even criticized me for being religious.
I think that they are concerned that I have not joined a church, nor attended often, since leaving for college and getting married. Even when they were in their skeptical stage, they did get something out of having a church community, which was the church that they grew up into since they were local at the time. They are concerned that I am "alone". I think that they are also concerned about me becoming less religious because it was a such big part of my life, just as they are concerned that I stopped running and that my sister has stopped singing.
I never thought that my parents loved me unconditionally, only my grandparents 2 of who have died in the past couple years and God. I have felt that my life has been in crisis in the past couple years, suffering from severe anxiety and an eating disorder. In that, my connections with other people and the spiritual have suffered and made me wonder if I ever had a soul. Sometimes, I imagine that my soul had died, along with true empathy which existed in me from the time that I was a small child, but now seems to no longer exist in me.

[hunter]

26. There are always religious wars in my family...

... but it really doesn't change anyone's love or affection for one another.

Love and affection are simply a given, a firm foundation, and arguments about religion are more like a sport, a game of basketball in the street, played as hard or as gentle as all the players are agreeable too.

Nobody freaks out if anyone is or isn't going to church, or any particular church, or decides they are an atheist.

Kids, I think, universally hate going to church, but there is a universal expectation in our extended family that you do or you don't as your parents demand. Among my nephews and nieces, if a kid came along who wanted to explore the religion of his or her cousins, we'd probably figure something out so they could do that. Mostly though, the kids who go to church are jealous of their cousins who don't go to church, and not the other way around.

My mom is currently at war with the Catholic Church (sigh.... again) but it's not like she needs to reassure any of us that she loves us no matter what, or the other way around. So my wife and kids and I go to Mass, my mom and dad are not going to any church at all these days (well, except they are an age where funerals and weddings are frequent) but religion is not the kind of thing that tears our families apart; it's all out there in the open, and it is what it is, and somehow it's not toxic as it seems to be in so many families. Maybe there's a kind of anti-authoritarianism that inoculates us all against the kinds of religious conflicts that break apart families.

[DemGa]

27. If I lost recognition of my spiritual essence

It would for me, be darkness indeed. Because of that, yes they would be concerned; and of course still love me.

[Random_Australian]

28. This is Australia. People don't care almost by default.

My parents, no exception.

End of story.

[Dervill Crow]

29. My family would be thrilled.

They think anyone who is religious is a nut.

[MistressOverdone]

30. The ones that are dead wouldn't have cared

and the ones that are alive... well, they might freak but mainly because I think they think I have a direct line to God or something. None of them are spiritual. They did the whole infant bapitism thing with their kids because they thought it would make ME happy, bless their little hearts. It really didn't matter all that much to me. I see faith as intensely personal. You have it; you don't.

[Dorian Gray]

31. They wouldn't really care

My mother doesn't go to church. If asked if she believes in God, she's probably say "I guess so." My brother and his wife don't go to church except for weddings and funerals. My father is a regular church-goer, but when I didn't go for years, he never said anything to me. Since I've renewed my faith, he has told me that he felt he had failed me by not making me go to church when I was a teen and teaching me more about our Catholicism. But, he never pressured me to do anything I wasn't ready to do, either.

So, my family is pretty laid back and doesn't really care. They might care more if I were to convert to another religion, but even then, I can't imagine that anything would be said other than, "Have you really thought about this and all that it entails?"

[Donald Ian Rankin]

32. The two are not mutually exclusive.

I'm not religious, and my parents wouldn't mind if I became so, but if I e.g. joined the BNP then they'd have a very hard time accepting it, but I'm confident they'd still love me even so.