Catholics ordered to keep quiet over Virgin visions

[IndianaGreen]

So much for the likeliness of the Virgin of Guadalupe I found in a potato chip. :-(

Catholics ordered to keep quiet over Virgin visions

By Jerome Taylor and Simon Caldwell
Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Catholics who claim they have seen the Virgin Mary will be forced to remain silent about the apparitions until a team of psychologists, theologians, priests and exorcists have fully investigated their claims under new Vatican guidelines aimed at stamping out false claims of miracles.


The Pope has instructed the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, formerly the Holy Office of the Inquisition, to draw up a new handbook to help bishops snuff out an explosion of bogus heavenly apparitions.

Benedict XVI plans to update the Vatican's current rules on investigating apparitions to help distinguish between true and false claims of visions of Jesus and the Virgin Mary, messages, stigmata (the appearances of the five wounds of Christ), weeping and bleeding statues and Eucharistic miracles.

Monsignor Luis Francisco Ladaria Ferrer, a respected Spanish Jesuit archbishop, has been placed in charge of drawing up the handbook, known as a "vademecum", which will update the current rules set in 1978.

According to Petrus, an Italian online magazine which leans towards conservative elements in the Vatican, anyone who claims to have seen an apparition will only be believed as long as they remain silent and do not court publicity over their claims. If they refuse to obey, this will be taken as a sign that their claims are false.

The visionaries will then be visited by a team of psychiatrists, either atheists or Catholics, to certify their mental health while theologians will assess the content of any heavenly messages to see if they contravene Church teachings.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/catholics-ordered-to-keep-quiet-over-virgin-visions-1332016.html

Even the Vatican doesn't trust any messages from Heaven that might challenge the Papacy.

[onager]

1. Who ya gonna call? Virgin Busters!

...a team of psychologists, theologians, priests and exorcists have fully investigated their claims under new Vatican guidelines aimed at stamping out false claims of miracles.

:rofl:

Thanks.

[Veritas_et_Aequitas]

7. That just sounds so dirty. nt

[Adsos Letter]

2. Man, that's what jumped out at me, also!

"theologians will assess the content of any heavenly messages to see if they contravene Church teachings."

Hmmmm.....

[struggle4progress]

3. Well, I'm sorry if this will limit your chances of selling miraculous potato chips on eBay

But maybe you should consider rebranding: you could say, for example, that the image is St. Ayn and that it was drawn by the invisible hand of the free market

Lots of rightwingers might still be ready to put out hard cash for that

[Smarmie Doofus]

4. They can stop with the psychologists.

>>>Catholics who claim they have seen the Virgin Mary will be forced to remain silent about the apparitions until a team of psychologists, theologians, priests and exorcists have fully investigated their claims under new Vatican guidelines aimed at stamping out false claims of miracles.>>>

But I suspect they won't.

[Veritas_et_Aequitas]

8. Never have before. nt

[CoffeeCat]

5. Man, you could really have some fun with these people!

Step 1: Call Vatican, "Why yes! I did see the Virgin Mary! I was making a pot of chili, and just as I
was about to add a dash of cayenne, she appeared right next to a kidney bean and told me that I had a future on Broadway."

Step 2: Request that this "team" of psychiatrists, theologians and exorcists come visit your home immediately.

Oh, the fun you could have...

I'd be waiting for them in my living room--wearing a Little Bo Peep costume...sitting in a canoe.

:rofl:

[IndianaGreen]

6. "Wearing a Little Bo Peep costume?" You might get them all aroused!

But I am intrigued about your idea of having the Virgin Mary appear while you are making a pot of chili. Perhaps she might add her wisdom as to whether it is an abomination to put beans in the chili.

[juno jones]

13. Red

or Green Chili. That's a big scism there...

Tomatillos or not tomatillos, that is the question...

[hlthe2b]

9. How are they gonna sell their toast on Ebay?

;)

[defendandprotect]

10. Think this is more about stamping out embarrassment for Vatican . . . !!!

Mary on a Taco . . . ?

[FLyellowdog]

11. My bad. I thought you meant we virgins had to keep quiet about OUR visions.

Oh , never mind. I'm not really a virgin anyway. :crazy:

[DeSwiss]

12. Typical interrogation by a Vatican psychologist, theologian, priest & exorcist team...

Psychologist: Does the Virgin remind you of.... say, your mother?
Alleged Virgin Mary Visionary: Well, no. I know my grandfather you see? And he's hardly immaculate. He's actually pretty gross.

Theologian: Did you notice the odor of brimstone, or anything sizzling or burning when you had this vision?
Alleged Virgin Mary Visionary: No, I was standing out in the rain. Like I always do. The witch who lives down the road says it's good for my pores.

Priest: Do you have anything to confess, my child?
Alleged Virgin Mary Visionary: Ummm... no Father. And I don't need any help with my pants zipper either, thank you very much.

Exorcist: THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!!
Alleged Virgin Mary Visionary: Nope. Not anymore. Not since I got myself a lawyer, he doesn't. I'm suing all you bastards.

[juno jones]

15. LOL!

:rofl:

[dcsmart]

14. the claims would be more believable if a bunch of Buddhist monks started seeing mary

it makes sense that catholics see her, are there non-catholics that have seen mary-visions....come on, mary-visions for catholics are a dime a dozen. seriously. if mary is really appearing it seems counter productive to appear only to catholics. that is what people expect. why not appear to muslims or Hindus or fundamentalist Christians, or atheists, or mormons (lol).....that would get people's attention.

[hedgehog]

22. Ask and you shall receive

http://www.touregypt.net/featurestories/vmary.htm

[knitter4democracy]

16. This is so like them.

Just like how they are about saints--major, rigorous process just to name a saint a saint. *sigh*

[Book Lover]

17. I find myself in the bizarre position of defending the beatification process

What is wrong with a drawn out process in identifying a saint? And just to refine a point: the Catholic Church does not make anyone a saint. They only identity people who are saints. Per doctrine, the true number of saints in known only to God.

[knitter4democracy]

19. Well, in our church, we don't get quite so weird about it.

The Patriarch has the authority to name saints, and if he feels there's enough evidence, then he does and adds them to the calendar, usually using the day they died as their day, but they've used other ones that fit better into the church calendar.

It's just another one of those small differences between the Eastern Orthodox and Roman Catholic churches. It's not like the Patriarch wouldn't look into it to make sure miracle claims are true, but we only have one level of saint: Saint. We don't have different levels based on post-mortem miracles or whatever. In fact, Patriarch Alexii, may his memory be ever eternal, named all of those martyred in the Soviet purges and the Russian Royal Family all as saints sharing one day a few years back. He didn't look into every single instance, from what I heard, but instead felt it the right thing to do and named them all.

[Book Lover]

20. I always learn something from you about the Orthodox church

I think this difference is based in how the RCC is structurally a legalistic religion, and the Orthodox Church isn't.

[knitter4democracy]

21. That's it right there.

It goes to some of our most fundamental beliefs. We believe that people aren't born sinful or evil but instead born good into a world in which it's easier to sin than not. That's a big difference for so many things later--sex isn't bad, then, and we don't need Purgatory for the babies who die unbaptized. We call the sacraments (and we don't limit them to only seven :) ) the Holy Mysteries and don't try to explain them a whole lot. It really bothers some people, but it works for me, as I like being able to say that I don't know.

[blueworld]

18. This is truly hysterical - my side hurts

"The visionaries will then be visited by a team of psychiatrists, either atheists or Catholics..." Presbyterians can't be trusted? Baptists are verboten? Jews, Muslims and Rosicrucians have an agenda?

And forgive me Father, but how in God's name can the Catholic "we hide pedophiles" Church determine criteria to establish anyone's mental health?

Only the Roman Catholic Church would have the Chutzpah to try & dictate to Heaven by controlling the sheep. (Yes, I'm an escapee from a Catholic School).

I'd be willing to bet the Blessed Mother can get a message out if she needs to without any PR from the Pope:) Good grief.