TWENTY-ONE WAYS YOU MIGHT BE AN EVANGELICAL

[RJ Connors]

1. If you are asked about the history of the church and you give the history of your local building campaign, you might be an Evangelical.

2. Believe that hell is going to be populated by Catholics (except for Mel Gibson), the Clintons, Mormons (with a special dispensation for Glen Beck), the staff of New York Times (all of them), Rosie Odonnell, all of the people from the East coast and West coast (with a special hot spot for Hollywood), Brian McLaren, and all Liberals, you might be an Evangelical.

3. If you ask someone how their spiritual life is going and you really mean “Have you been doing your morning daily devotionals,” you might be an Evangelical.

4. If your favorite vacation spot is Branson MO, you might be an Evangelical.

5. If you think Kurt Cameron should get the academy award for best actor in Fire Proof, you might be an Evangelical.

6. If you think abstinence education is the most important need for your children, you might be an Evangelical.

7. If you see someone begging for money and you think it is due to their sinful laziness, you might be an Evangelical.

8. If you have ever handed out Left Behind as an evangelistic tract, you might be an Evangelical.

9. If you know what a tract is, you might be an Evangelical.

10. If you choose a church based upon the selection of donuts and coffee (and price), you might be an Evangelical.

11. If you evangelize by saying, “If you were standing before God and he asked you ‘Why should I let you into my heaven?’ what would you say?” you might be an Evangelical.

12. If your church’s weekly events consists of Men’s Lunch Bible Study on Wed, Ladies Beth Moore Study Teus afternoon, Men’s Prayer Breakfast at Chick-fil-a on Monday, Truth Project Friday’s, Potluck Dinner Every other Sunday, Men’s Accountability Group Thursday, The Passion of the Christ Watch Party Every Saturday Evening, and Men’s Every Man’s Battle Study Group Everyday (Morning and Evening), you might be an Evangelical.

13. If you define missions by your yearly trip to Mexico to start a church and leave within three days, you might be an Evangelical.

14. If you think that the John Ryland’s papyri is the earliest fragment of a church bulletin from Pastor John Ryland’s church, you might be an evangelical.

15. If you think homoousios is the emphatic bill for same-sex marriage, you might be an Evangelical.

16. If your support of the church is determined by parking availability, you might be an Evangelical.

17. If your three cardinal sins are fornication, homosexuality, and voting Democrat, you might be an Evangelical.

18. If you have submitted to your wife and feel guilty about it, you might be an Evangelical.

19. If public witness mean a fish on the back of your car and wearing an abstenance ring, you might be an Evangelical.

20. If you limit yourself to one glass of wine or one beer a week and still hide it, you might be an Evangelical.

21. If you don’t really have any idea what “Evangelical” means, you might be an Evangelical.

Your turn…

[XemaSab]

1. If you ask someone if they're a Christian and they say

"Yes, I'm in the front row at xxxx church every Sunday" and xxxx church is the liberal church and you feel sad for that person because they are a hellbound sinner who does not know Jesus, you might be an Evangelical.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

2. If you hide when you go to the liquor store

so that your fellow churchgoers can't see you, you may be an Evangelical. If you say hi to your church going friends when you're at the liquor store, you may well be a Methodist (told to me by my Methodist brother). :)

[NOW tense]

3. If you see your old college friends

and you can't recall who you used to be. You have repressed all of your memories of being a half way cool person and act like you never partied before. You have become a "youth group leader" and you only hang out with high school boys. You might be an Evangelical.

[MineralMan]

4. If you're absolutely certain you'll be Raptured, but

have doubts about the person sitting next to you in church, you might be an Evangelical.

[GreenPartyVoter]

5. If your prayers at the front of the church focus on revival and a return to Christian values by the

nation, and if you you pray for support of _Bible-Believing_churches in the community, then you are probably a conservative evangelical.

[NOW tense]

6. If you are worried about your co-worker going to hell

because he is living with his girlfriend, you might be an Evangelical.

because she is living with her boyfriend, you might be an Evangelical.

because he is living with his boyfriend, you might be an Evangelical.

because she is living with her girlfriend, you might be an Evangelical.

If he or she is living with anyone of the opposite sex, you might be an Evangelical.

[NOW tense]

7. If you refer to yourself as a "believer", you might be an Evangelical.

If you listen to the crazy christian radio station because it is uplifting, you might be an Evangelical.

[struggle4progress]

8. Several ways anyone might be an asshole:

(1) If you feel obligated to promote negative stereotypes about people, you might be an asshole

(2) If you spend a lot of time imagining other people's hypocrisy while failing to note your own hypocrisy, you might be an asshole

(3) If you have trouble imagining the various ways you might be an asshole, you might be asshole

[RJ Connors]

9. Huh, that certainly would explain the source of this document.

http://www.reclaimingthemind.org/blog/

[struggle4progress]

10. fair enough!

[RJ Connors]

12. It was meant to be fun

Don't take yourself so seriously, it's not good for your health. :toast:

[TechBear_Seattle]

11. Not all evangelicals are conservatives

And a great many religious conservatives would not consider themselves to be evangelical.

[Occam Bandage]

13. If you believe in the necessity of being born again,

if you believe the Bible is accurate, if you believe in the necessity of spreading the word of the Gospel, and if you believe that the most important event in human history was the resurrection of Jesus, then you are probably an Evangelical.

Also they eat donuts lol.

[AlphaCentauri]

14. if you start a conversation with "I left the catholic church becouse......."

or " that's why I left the catholic church "

[knitter4democracy]

15. Man, after going to an evangelical Christian college, I'm laughing 'til I'm crying here.

If you think that co-ed dorms are of the devil, you might be an evangelical.

If you think that your church's college is a place of sweetness and light, you might be an evangelical.

If you feel guilty about not reading all of the mission books on time for your Sunday School class, you might be an evangelical.

If your church has a sermon before the offering and then another "real" sermon that lasts longer than half an hour and has a Powerpoint presentation with it, you might be an evangelical.

If your pastor cries at some point during every sermon, you might be an evangelical.

If you tell your kids they can't be in band because they have marching band practice on Wednesday nights, you might be an evangelical.

[endersdragon34]

16. And you wonder why they don't vote Democrat

nothing like constantly being insulted to make someone see the light.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

17. You forgot the word "Party" at the end of that.

Isn't that how your gurus determine you write it at all times?