Another Rapture prediction. You know the drill

[laconicsax]

http://home.flash.net/~evt/rapture.htm

WARNING:

Will The Rapture & Sudden Destruction take place BEFORE:

Monday – December 14th 2009?<[/div>I'm losing track...is this the fifth or sixth prediction from this site? I'm starting to wonder what they'll do when we roll into winter since the entire page is dedicated to the Rapture taking place this fall.

[niceypoo]

1. There is no rapture in the bible

The biblical event they call the 'rapture' involves Jews, not Christians. Rapture christians are cultists and should be referred to as such.

The GOP is a suicide cult and should be referred to as such.

[Birthmark]

2. That still leaves time for a couple of more...

...hot baths and maybe a drink or two.

I'd like to believe that I can fit a stew in there somewhere as well. Honestly, can the rapture actually occur while someone is eating stew? That would be downright sacrilege.

[mwb970]

3. That website looks like it was built by a demented chimpanzee.

The combination of idiotic content and hideous design seen here is so characteristic of right-wing wackaloons. The writer of this tripe obviously has serious mental issues. Good for an eye-roll but not much else.

:eyes:

[mwb970]

5. And if you think the home page is grotesque, check out *this* page!

http://home.flash.net/~evt/crash.htm

:crazy:

[Sal316]

4. People have been predicting the 2nd coming....

....for centuries.

If these people have actually read Matt 24, they'd know that nobody knows when and the whole point is to live out the principles of the kingdom in this life and not worry about tomorrow.

Focus on the here and now... there's plenty of suffering in the world we're called to alleviate to keep us busy.

[peace frog]

6. Gawdalmightydamn!!!

Armageddon outta here!!11! B-)

[elocs]

7. I have studied the Rapture enought to know it is a false doctrine

based upon torturing and forcing Scriptures together and not differentiating between fulfilled and unfulfilled prophecies and making scriptures say what you need them to say to make the theory work.

[Warpy]

8. The rapture addled need to read their bibles

Mark, Chapter 13

13:22 For false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall shew signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect.
13:23 But take ye heed: behold, I have foretold you all things.
13:24 But in those days, after that tribulation, the sun shall be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light,
13:25 And the stars of heaven shall fall, and the powers that are in heaven shall be shaken.
13:26 And then shall they see the Son of man coming in the clouds with great power and glory.
13:27 And then shall he send his angels, and shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from the uttermost part of the earth to the uttermost part of heaven.
13:28 Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When her branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer is near:
13:29 So ye in like manner, when ye shall see these things come to pass, know that it is nigh, even at the doors.
13:30 Verily I say unto you, that this generation shall not pass, till all these things be done.

If this is recorded accurately, guys, either the end of the world was 2000 years ago, he lied, or he found out it's a one way trip just like everybody else has.

[laconicsax]

12. If it was recorded accurately, Jesus was a false prophet.

Oops!

[charlie]

13. Not so fast

The fundie capacity for deluding themselves is formidable.

See that bit about the fig tree? Hal Lindsey identified that back in the 70s as metaphor for the rebirth of Israel.

Israel's nationhood kicked off the last generation. So, when Jesus said this, he was referring to that. See?

Of course, it's been 60 years now, and that's a heck of a looong generation, but I'm surely the idea's been revised and extended since then. Prophecy is always true, and Jesus is never wrong, no matter how much they've got to pretzel reality to make it so.

[randr]

9. If ever there was a good reason for a welfare program

to fully support people this is my suggestion:
All people who believe in the "rapture" can move to a central location, Texas or S. Carolina for instance. They will be feed and housed until their departure.
In the mean time they will not be permitted to operate any form of machinery, care for minor children, or engage in any activity placing the general population at risk.
They will essentially be removed from civilization and allowed to await their desired demise.
A good investment for all concerned.

[juno jones]

10. That'd be the bestest birfday preznit evah!

All those abandoned mercedes to choose from and no god-botherers milling about!

Yey! Looking forward to the 15th now! Saggitarii are the luckiest! :woohoo:

[Renew Deal]

11. Why would anyone cheer on "God's Wrath?"

I love one page websites.

[struggle4progress]

14. ... Fools longing for the day of the Lord: What will that day bring you? Darkness, not light! as

when a man runs from a lion and meets a bear ...

[onager]

15. The 14th century came close, says Smartass Atheist...

Using that old Fundie symbolic standard, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Mr. War, Mr. Famine, Mr. Pestilence and Mr. Death:

War: check - the Hundred Years War, circa 1337 to 1453.

Famine: check - apparently due to a climate change early in the century which wiped out crops all over Europe. That ended about 3 centuries of relative abundance.

Pestilence: big-time! Thanks to the OGP, Original Gangsta Plague - the Black Death. It followed the trade routes from Asia, already devastated by the plague, and apparently landed on the European mainland at Venice in 1347.

Death: pfft! All the above, but especially the plague. In Venice, 50 of the city's richest and most influential families were completely wiped out. In London, 300 people a DAY died at the height of the epidemic. Paris and Barcelona lost half their populations, as did much of Europe.

Obligatory Hopeful Humanist Note: I went to Venice last year and heard this story, which should be true even if it isn't:

In Venice, only one doctor stayed in the city during the worst of the Black Plague. The others skedaddled to the mainland. When someone asked the doctor why he had done that, he replied: "Because I would rather die in Venice than live anywhere else."

[RebelOne]

16. The date is changed now to Monday -- December 21st 2009

[laconicsax]

17. Duly noted.

The big question is what they'll do after that--they've been banking on it happening this fall.

In fact, they're predicting all of the following to happen before 12/21/09:

-The complete destruction of Damascus, Syria.
-Massive global financial collapse.
-A catastrophic nuclear attack on New York City, Phoenix, and possibly other major U.S. cities.
-There will be two massive earthquakes in the US.
-Russia and China will invade the United States.

When you actually read the crazy on that page, it just gets funnier and funnier.

[charlie]

18. LOL. September 29, 2008

http://web.archive.org/web/20080517111206/http://home.flash.net/~evt/rapture.htm

He's a pyramid schemer. Reels in the one bunch who'll find his daily predictions irresistable no matter often he's wrong, then gives them the Get Rich With Jeebus pitch:

http://home.flash.net/~evt/news.htm

It was just an MLM site before he decided MLM+Rapture made a better honeypot:

http://web.archive.org/web/20010124053700/http://home.flash.net/~evt/ (from 2001)
http://home.flash.net/~evt/page2.html (today)