If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

[immoderate]

Jewish Haikus

Beyond Valium,
peace is knowing one's child
is an internist.



On Passover we
opened the door for Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.



After the warm rain
the sweet smell of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?



Her lips near my ear,
Aunt Sadie whispers the name
of her friend's disease.



Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
to the seventh grade.



Testing the warm milk
on her wrist, she sighs softly.
But her son is forty.



The sparkling blue sea
reminds me to wait an hour
after my sandwich.



Like a bonsai tree,
is your terrible posture
at my dinner table.



Jews on safari --
map, compass, elephant gun,
hard sucking candies.



The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing:
I got it at Loehmann's.



The shivah visit:
so sorry about your loss.
Now back to my problems.



Mom, please! There is no
need to put that dinner roll
in your pocketbook.



Seven-foot Jews in
the NBA slam-dunking!
My alarm clock rings.



Sorry I'm not home
to take your call. At the tone
please state your bad news.



Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I've done?



Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
Five-day forecast: feh



Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Meshuganah
Oy! To be fluent!



Quietly murmured
at Yom Kippur services,
"Yanks 5, Red Sox 3."



A lovely nose ring,
excuse me while I put my
head in the oven.



Hard to tell under the lights.
White Yarmulke or
male-pattern baldness.

Jewish Buddhism:

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?



Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?



Drink tea and nourish life;
with the first sip, joy;
with the second sip, satisfaction;
with the third sip, peace;
with the fourth, a Danish.



Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.



Accept misfortune as a blessing.
Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without
problems.

What would you talk about?



The journey of a thousand miles begins with a
single Oy.



There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life,
you never called,
you never wrote,
you never visited.
And whose fault was that?



Zen is not easy.
It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have?
Bupkis.



The Tao does not speak.
The Tao does not blame.
The Tao does not take sides.
The Tao has no expectations.
The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao is not Jewish.



Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the
least of your problems.



Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as a wooded glen.
And sit up straight.
You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.



Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist.



Be aware of your body.
Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a
symptom of a terminal illness.



The Torah says,
Love your neighbor as yourself.
The Buddha says,
There is no self.
So, maybe, we're off the hook.

---

I'm a Jewish atheist, which to some is incomprehensible. Just to say I hang on to the Jewish part because culture like this strikes me deeply, like lox in a bagel. As I sometimes explain to those who try to convert me, Jews don't make the best Jews, but they make great atheists.

--imm

[provis99]

1. Peace, Love, Dope!

[Lucinda]

2. Those are great.

TY.

[panader0]

3. Wonderful stuff

I'm not religious either. I'm an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac.
I lay awake at night and wonder if there really is a dog.

[snagglepuss]

4. These are way beyond hysterical. Absolutely brilliant.

I've laughed so hard, I am wiping tears from my eyes. Honestly you should copyright them then approach a greeting company and sell them or publish a little book. At the very least send these to Jon Stewart.



You made my week a whole lot better.

[immoderate]

5. Thanks. But I take no credit. These arrived in an email from a friend.

He's an atheist and never Jewish, but not immune to funny. I put it up here because it made me laugh a lot, and I was afraid if I put it in GD, it would be exiled to the Lounge in no time.


--imm

[laconicsax]

6. LOL!

Another Jatheist here.

:hi:

[roguevalley]

7. someone is the awesomeness. somewhere, someplace my

great grandma minnie is rolling on the floor. Oy, Granny M! I love ya!

[Silent3]

8. In most other contexts...

...I'd be offended by humor based based on stereotypes like these. However, I get the sense that many Jewish people embrace a lot of these stereotypes themselves and don't mind if others share a laugh about them.

Now I'm just wondering if there's a place I can link to this stuff for Facebook other than this DU page. :)

[immoderate]

10. It should be all over the web(?)

You bring up a good point. And I hesitated (well, a little.) This thread got a few unrecs. Not sure why. Could be orthodox Jews, or anti-Semites, or both. Or just the usual unreccing crew. :grr:

Humor is based on correlated knowledge. Something that triggers a surprise memory. But that knowledge has to be planted in order for you to "get it." If it's in the setup, it's a joke. If it relies on stored knowledge, it's "humor." Sometimes, if your reference is very different, you may "get" something unintended, but I digress.

A stereotype is not, in itself, a bad thing. They are generalizations that we make (or are taught) and may serve us well in dealing with certain cultures, professions, age groups, sexual orientations, at least as a starting point. It's applying it to individuals that doesn't work well, (and if it's negative, really bad.) And that dissonance is the structure of the comedy. Also knowledge of stereotypes provides a large audience. Notice how the dissonance between Jewish and Buddhist traditions works, for the people with the "knowledge of type."

Also consider that humor on stereotyping, as opposed to acts of discrimination, exposes it and traditionally has created a bridge to more communication. (Sounds like a liberal. (sic) :))

OTOH, maybe it all sucks. :shrug:

I notice your posts, and I don't think I'm telling you anything new. I will say that many statements people make about groups make me cringe, and if it's a statement about Jews, a non-voluntary flag goes up, that says "scrutinize."

Nevertheless, I think there are "safe zones" that should be OK to most people. Then again, I met Andrea Dworkin. :(




--imm

[struggle4progress]

9. Some of these shine brilliantly:

After the warm rain
the sweet smell of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the
least of your problems.

:thumbsup: