Aren’t You Denying Your Children The Opportunity to Be Religious?

[cleanhippie]

There’s a good joke about Unitarian Universalists. Q: “What’s a Unitarian Universalist?” A: “An Atheist with children.”

Apart from being funny, the joke pinpoints a growing phenomenon in our society. Many people who were brought up in major denominations are no longer affiliated with those denominations. Secularity is growing in all regions of the country, and secular folks are creating families. At some point, parents have to make some choices about the role religion will play in their child’s upbringing. These choices can be a source of anxiety to many parents.

For those who are religious, it is a no-brainer: the child will be taught at an early age to align with the parents’ beliefs, because they are “true,” they are integral to the teaching of morality, and, as many believe, it is important to dedicate an infant to their own brand of religion as soon as possible, in the case of a an untimely childhood death. However, for many of us who are not religious, or who do not subscribe to supernatural beliefs, these “no-brainers” do not apply.

In my household, although my wife and I are not religious, we feel it is crucial that we raise religiously literate children. Unless children are homeschooled, or otherwise isolated, they will stumble into any number of religious conversations, or be asked religious questions. They will ask questions themselves. Whether or not we like it, religion informs every aspect of life: politics, foreign policy, education, art, and so on. The histories and the beliefs of world religions are as important as the histories and political systems of governments.

Although we don’t pray or belong to a church, we do not shield our children from religion. As various religious holidays approach, we learn about them together, and use these moments as an opportunity to explore the beliefs of different religions. We take note of people here in our own community who may observe different religious holidays. We find ways to find meaning in these varying traditions as they might relate to our own lives, or to the lives of our neighbors.

--snip--

Many argue that by raising children in such a way does not ground them, or leads to confusion or a lack of identity. I would respond by stating that knowledge, literacy, open-mindedness, and compassion serve as a fine foundation for a child to shape their identity. This is a framework on which one can layer any philosophy or religious belief. We don’t feel that we are in any way denying our children the opportunity to will be religious. In fact, we would argue the opposite. Their religious beliefs, like ours, will be determined by their life experiences, and by the knowledge they accumulate as they navigate through these experiences.

http://parentingbeyondbelief.com/parents/?p=194

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I guess there is some truth to that joke in the opener, as I, and much of my UU congregation are atheist. That aside, this is the exact ideology that my wife and I are trying to infuse into our daughter; that reason, rational thought, inquiry, and a solid, objective exposure to all religions will make her a well adjusted person that thinks for herself. We will love and cherish her REGARDLESS of what she chooses to believe, as we can be confident that SHE arrived at those beliefs on her own, not because we instructed her to do so or indoctrinated (or brainwashed, if you will) her with our particular brand of religion (if we had one, that is) as so many religious parents do.

[no_hypocrisy]

1. The older students at our Ethical Culture Society visit a variety of churches,

synagogues, mosques, etc. for comparitive religion and participate in their services.

[mike_c]

2. the ex and I made a point of not shielding our kid from religion...

...although we certainly modeled atheism in our own lives. Still, our daughter went to a few churches while growing up, went along with friends to their worship services, the usual thing. These days she's just as atheist as we are. I think that by letting her make up her own mind, we gave her the right to weigh the evidence for and against the various belief systems she experimented with-- mostly christian, granted, but not exclusively. I think that at one time in her youth her attitude was "OK, show me why your religion is right about the world and why others are not." When the primary evidence they supplied was "because our old book says it's so" or something equally unsupportable, she shrugged and moved on. Pretty much the same way her mother and I did. And although I can't speak for her mom, I recall going through that same process, maybe a bit younger because MY parents were fundamentalist christians who tried to force their religion on their children, so I confronted the irrationality of their beliefs at an earlier age by necessity.

[hlthe2b]

3. I think it is important to at least expose kids to the concepts of religion...

and even better if one discusses comparative religions and religious beliefs. I wonder about parents that shield kids totally from all aspects of religion because of their own disdain... Might they not be leaving the kids more vulnerable to those extremist or cult type influences?

Good article.

[cleanhippie]

4. Preventing your children from bering exposed to ANYTHING is a poor choice.

And by exposure, I mean open and honest conversation about a topic. Pretending that something doesn't exist (sexuality, drugs, etc) and taking the "head in the sand" approach will do nothing but harm. So will OVER-exposing them to one POV, such as religion.

[LeftyMom]

5. I don't really feel the need to go down the comparative religions checklist with my kid.

Although he's been to a few churches for weddings and funeral services, I feel like taking field trips to watch people prostrate themselves before Allah or wave their Jesus antennas around and sing wuss rock worship songs or whatever is disrespectful of his time. I mean, if he decides he's interested in medicine I'm not going to take him to a Benny Hinn crusade in case he wants to be a faith healer, or to homeopaths and chiropractors to talk about the hot new trends in scam artistry, I'm going to take him to talk to doctors and nurses and support people about their work. It's not my job to waste his time with crap, that's what television's for.

[hlthe2b]

10. Who was suggesting "taking field trips to watch people prostrate themselves...?"

I'd say there's about a million miles of difference between totally sheltering kids from learning anything about religion in general, or comparative religious philosophies--or atheism-- and indoctrinating by immersing them in it. I'd hope parents would think it important to discuss, as these things come up, much as they would differences in culture, societal norms, history, politics, or any other topic. I've always thought helping our kids to understand the world--in all its breadth and complexity, was a good thing. Exposing them in a way that allows them the information important to form their own viewpoints.... :shrug:

[LeftyMom]

13. Discussions of this sort usually go that way.

Several of the responses above are about visiting houses or worship or attending inclusive churches. Apparently it's what nice atheists are supposed to do to placate the religious majority or something.

edit: Obviously my kid's not ignorant of religion, he lives in a society with many religious people. He's read some religious literature because he was interested, and as I said he's been to some religious services for weddings, etc. It's just not my job to do superstitious people's PR for them or waste his time with nonsense.

[qb]

6. Exposure to various religious beliefs has seemed to solidify the atheism of my children.

They have had many questions for me, and I have tried to explain the beliefs of others to them in a way that is respectful of those beliefs.

We used to attend a UU society where my children received a well-rounded religious education. Then the society was taken over by leaders with a decidedly Christian agenda and I couldn't take it anymore.

[cleanhippie]

8. That seems to be the norm. Learning ABOUT religion instead of being indoctrinated into it

Seems to be the best approach, and that objective look usually uncovers the problems and inconsistencies inherent in religion, and children see it for what it is.

[xfundy]

7. My rec was immediately cancelled out by an unrec

Trolls must be scared by this one. And FR-tards are so convinced of the validity of internet polls, they just know they're helpin' out Baby Jebus by clicking through the orange Cheeto crust on their mice.

[cleanhippie]

9. Of course it was. Keeping information AWAY from people is how religion works.

The more people know, the less influence religion has.

[hlthe2b]

11. Maybe...

But, it seems that a few here are advocating keeping their own kids completely away from religion... That seems rather antithetical to your point that it is only the religious (or some subgroup of the religious) that don't want to expose kids to the information. It may actually be that those unrecs are coming from our own "Areligious" or militantly anti-religious members.

As someone else pointed out on this thread, being open to exposing kids to religion and information on comparative beliefs actually seemed to reinforce their kids' very own embrace of atheism. I also think that is likely. Conversely, kids that see their parents' very militant disdain for religion-- as manifested by refusing to even discuss the issue or shelter them growing up--may very well embrace some particularly repugnant form, if, for no other reason, than to rebel. :shrug:

[Deep13]

17. If they can't get them as children...

...they know they will lose them forever. the reverse of "give me the child and I will give you the man."

[Goblinmonger]

12. Views of an English teacher.

Most of you know I grew up very conservative Catholic. We raised our kids in a UU fellowship so they had some semblance of community. I am amazed at their lack of biblical knowledge and think, as an English teacher, that they are at a disadvantage in understanding western literature. Not so much I would subject them to the bullshit that is the RCC, but still, there is a downside.

[Deep13]

18. true. nt

[Yooperman]

14. My wife and I were not religious in any way, form or manner.... we had two daughters..

Of course growing up in Mormon land they were subjected to many questions why they didn't go to church.

One day my oldest (3rd grade at the time) asked me why we didn't go to church. That she wanted to go to church because all of her friends went to church. I told her I didn't have a problem. In fact, I would take her to a church the next Sunday. However, I told her we would go to a different church every weekend so she could learn about many different belief systems not just Mormon.

I chose the Methodists first... since that was the organization that my wife's family had belonged and we had actually gotten married in her families church in her hometown in Michigan.

We found a service that next Sunday nearby and attended. When we got there...we were greeted with a friendly smile and were informed that the children had a play area in back and my daughter could go play with all the other children. I disagreed with that... and told my daughter we were here to learn about religion not play in a playroom... and that I suggested that we attend the service together. She agreed.

We sat through a boring sermon, given by an average speaker... my daughter never asked to attend church again.

In high school (now in Michigan) her boyfriend and his family were devout Baptist. She joined because of him. One day from the back seat of the car.... she announced to me.."Dad, I am a Christian." She thought I would be upset I suppose... but I said... "Great, I am happy for you. It is your choice and I support your decision." She was a bit surprised, but realized that I nor her Mother were here to dictate what she should say... or think.

We had many good discussions over the years about religions ...but the ones we had while she attended that Baptist church were some of the best. As she would come home and tell me how prejudiced some of the teachings were. Eventually... as I had expected.... she came to the conclusion herself that religions basically tell their followers what to think without questioning.

Both my daughters ended up religion free I am happy to say... although I allowed them to make that choice on their own. Yet both are very spiritual and compassionate beings trying to make this world a better place.

peace

YM

[Silent3]

15. You're poisoning your daughter's mind with skepticism...

...and that "think for yourself" heresy! Unless she learns how to accept things which make no sense at all, accepting them simply because they are pronounced true by an arbitrary authority, she'll be forever cut off from many varieties of religious experience. ;)

Just in case, for the sarcasm-awareness impaired: :sarcasm:

[cleanhippie]

19. I know. I am just an awful parent.

[Deep13]

16. They can make up their minds when they are old enough.

There is no need to pre-program them and I think it is mentally abusive to do so. Frankly, a far better lesson would be to equip children with the intellectual means to judge the claims made by religion or other systems of thought.

[cleanhippie]

20. Isn't that what is happening?

"a far better lesson would be to equip children with the intellectual means to judge the claims made by religion or other systems of thought."

Is that not the objective here?

[Deep13]

21. That does seem to be the goal for most secularists and skeptics.

It logically follows from the metaphor that says if atheism is a religion, then baldness is a hair color.

[Taverner]

22. No church for our family

If the kids want to know about a religion, there are plenty of ways to learn.

If they want to pursue religion, they have to wait until they turn 16. Most holy books are pretty offensive, and I don't want them having nightmares.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

23. I'm a UU but have no church or fellowship to go to within driving distance.

And I mean that sincerely.

I raised my child as a UU. We went to a couple of Missionary Baptist churches for a while and gave up on xtianity completely after they would not give us jobs, to help them spread their message, in what would have been a win-win situation. The preacher was greedy -- hah! Big surprise. :sarcasm:

DH and I tried to convert to Reform Judaism TWICE and were rejected both times by the board, which was composed of rich doctors, because we were unemployed, although we offered to do volunteer work at the temple.

She went to a bar mitzvah of one of her school friends. She has gone to a Mahayana Buddhist temple once, that I was attending on a semi-regular basis in the city.

She's an agnostic now, and I am cool with that. :D

[HuckleB]

24. Good OP.

PBB is a great book and site. It's a great way to build community, too.