Are Religious People Better at Forgiveness?

[LAGC]

The parents of the young boy who was snatched from his home in Sparwood, B.C., last month say they met with the man charged with kidnapping their son — and they have forgiven him.

Paul and Tammy Hebert woke up on Sept. 7 to discover their three-year-old son Kienan missing from his bed in the family home.

The disappearance sparked a massive manhunt spanning two provinces for Randall Peter Hopley, 46, a local resident with a long criminal history that already included one failed attempt at child abduction.
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The willingness of the Heberts to forgive their son's alleged abductor comes in large part from their strong religious faith. But they concede it was also easier because Kienan does not appear to have been harmed, physically or emotionally.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/story/2011/10/07/bc-hebert-interview.html

I don't know, if I was in that situation, I'd find it pretty hard not to strangle the fucker, to be quite frank.

[DrDan]

1. I think they are in denial - a 3-year old taken for days away from his parents

by a stranger and they feel there has been no harm done.

I have a hard time believing that.

As long as their forgiveness does not stand in the way of justice . . . .

[Iggo]

2. No.

[David Sky]

3. It's not relevant whether they "forgive" a felon for his felony.

This crime is handled by law enforcement in Canada, not by parents.

I also wonder what psychological effect the abduction has had on the child, and what process of denial the parents are involved in.

They need to address the issue with the child in a professionally supervised way. Denial and statements in front of the child that it was OKAY to have been abducted sends the wrong message to the child, and opens up an internal conflict within the child, even at 3 years old. Those questions and doubts can linger if not addressed by parents, and MAY cause difficulties and attachment disorders later in the child's life.

Rather than being so anxious to publicly forgive the felon, why not be publicly seeking all the help needed for the child and entire family to recover from this traumatic event in a positive manner?

[WolverineDG]

6. Forgiveness is not "denial" nt

[struggle4progress]

4. Your post suggests that you consider the word "religion" to refer to one definite phenomenon.

But, of course, "religion" is an abstract label, and its meaning (unless you are a Platonist) depends moment by moment on exactly what phenomena you are hoping to abstract

[cleanhippie]

5. Have you been reading philosophy books again?

[struggle4progress]

7. Actually, I've been reading volume four of Knuth's Art of Computer Programming, in which

he discusses combinatorial problems: it's chock-full of well-posed questions, precise language, and other such things

[cleanhippie]

8. Wow, sounds realy interesting.

:boring:

[darkstar3]

9. If what you say is true, how can we have a forum entitled "Religion/Theology"?

Seems to me that such an abstract and fluid concept would be difficult to so clearly divide from the rest of DU.

[rizlaplus]

10. One of Franco's Generals was on his deathbed

One of Franco's top Generals (Spanish Captain-General Ramón Blanco y Erenas) was on his deathbed and his family called in the priest to pray for him and hear his confession. The General looked quizzically at the priest and asked him what he wanted. The priest asked the General if he wanted to forgive his enemies before he died. The General replied that he had no enemies.

Confused, the priest said "But you're one of Franco's top Generals, surely you've made enemies along the way?"

The General reiterated: "I have no enemies, I've had them all shot".

[Jim__]

11. That's not a necessary inference of the story.

The willingness of the Heberts to forgive their son's alleged abductor comes in large part from their strong religious faith.

Their willingness to forgive comes from their religious faith. Other people could find such a willingness someplace else.

[cmd]

12. In some cases, yes; in most, I think not.

In the case cited I believe the family truly did learn to forgive through their religion. However, I see many more people who identify themselves as Christians who are overly judgmental and unforgiving. These are the people who keep me away from organized religion.

[elocs]

13. The Amish and forgiveness, it happened 4 years ago this month:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=14900930

Forgiving the Killer

Charles Roberts wasn't Amish, but Amish families knew him as the milk truck driver who made deliveries. Last month, it was announced that the Amish community had donated money to the killer's widow and her three young children.

It was one more gesture of forgiveness, gestures that began soon after the shooting.

Donald Kraybill, is a sociologist at nearby Elizabethtown College and co-author of Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy.

"I think the most powerful demonstration of the depth of Amish forgiveness was when members of the Amish community went to the killer's burial service at the cemetery," Kraybill says. "Several families, Amish families who had buried their own daughters just the day before were in attendance and they hugged the widow, and hugged other members of the killer's family."

[Deep13]

15. The flip side of that is...

...when sexual assault occurs in that community--something that is apparently rampant--rather than protecting the victim or turning over the perp to authorities, the community just "forgives" the assailant, perpetuating the cycle of abuse. To add insult to injury, the victim is also coerced to pretend to forgive the assailant too. The implicit message being that her importance in the community is denigrated while the criminal becomes the object of sympathy because of the victim's lack of forgiveness. Apparently, religious schools in this country (not Amish) sometimes have a similar problem.

[elocs]

16. Everything has a flip side. That does not negate the good. n/t

[Deep13]

17. True, but it does undermine unconditional forgiveness as an unconditional virue. nt

[Deep13]

14. Maybe, but I don't think that is a good thing.

First, it seems to me that "forgiveness" often takes the form of a passive-aggressive holier-than-thou attitude. Second, unconditional forgiveness is not a virtue as it allows injustice to become self perpetuating.