My Father’s Reassuring Atheism

[rug]

By Leigh Pretnar Cousins, MS

November is the month in which both my parents were born and both passed away, so it’s peppered through with dates that make me think about them and about Life and Mortality.

My dad spent his last days in a beautiful hospice. One of us stood with him at the window, looking out at the gorgeous autumn leaves, and asked him: Are you sad that this is the last Fall you will see?

He replied:

I’ve had a wonderful life, and now it’s over, and that’s OK.

They say there are no atheists in foxholes, but that’s not true. My father’s atheism gave him a lot of peace.

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/always-learning/2011/11/my-fathers-reassuring-atheism/

[Tikki]

1. As it does for me, also.

Tikki

[PassingFair]

2. Thank you for posting, Rug.

It reminds me of my own atheist father's death.

From ALS at age 62.

He blamed no one and no thing.

He had access to morphine to hasten
his end, but he choose to hang on.

He died in my and my mother's arms.

:cry:

[rug]

12. You're welcome.

My mother died in my arms around this time of year but it wasn't peaceful. She was struggling fiercely as the nurse was trying to insert a tube through her nostrils. I was trying to keep her still. It didn't work. She was Catholic and fought with her last breath to stay alive even though, or maybe because, she believed.

The consciousness of death, utter extinction, is quintessentially human. I hope we all come to terms with it serenely and without loss of human dignity, by whatever path we take.

[krucial]

3. Atheist

I was also in the foxhole,but now a disable viet Nam vet,who was also a draftee at 19 years old.I was brought up a as a christian believer until I got to Viet Nam,thats what made me start to do some research in history and Mythology about God and religion,and came to the conclusion that,it was not my cup of tea.It would be easier for me to hack if I did believe in fairy tales,so top those who find comfort and peace in religion and God,more power to them,I find peace and tranquility in not believing in such.
Too much chaos,intolerance hatred and bloodshed connected to God and religion for me

[MineralMan]

4. That's a pretty typical reaction for an atheist, I think.

My parents, both of whom are atheists are 87 years old. This Thanksgiving, we discussed death some. They're both undisturbed by the prospect. As their physical abilities fade, they say that they do not want to extend their lives beyond their ability to enjoy it. So far, they're still enjoying it, mostly.

They've always been very matter of fact about the end of life. I'm the same. Oddly, it is those in my family who are churchgoers and religious who seem the most alarmed at the prospect of the end of life. Odd, that, except it's not really.

[enlightenment]

6. My father is very close to death right now.

Sometimes he is fairly lucid, sometimes not - but what he says continues to be interesting (as has always been the case). A few days ago he spoke to one of my sisters - the sole member of my family with a strong religious belief. She told him (comforting herself) that "jesus is waiting for you, right around the corner". After the conversation, dad related what she had told him - and said, "I told her I wasn't quite sure how I feel about having anyone 'waiting around the corner for me' ".

He doesn't chuckle so much anymore, but I could hear the chuckle in that comment for sure.

[Pacifist Patriot]

7. In my experience....

as humanist clergy who ministers to both theists and non-theists, by far the non-theists are calmer when facing end of life than are theists. It really is heart-breaking to see a theist panic right at the end and cling desperately to life out of fear of eternal punishment. I've seen too many focus on the things they regret rather than take pride in their accomplishments. The "no-atheists in foxholes" line is wishful thinking on the part of theists in my opinion. It just doesn't hold up to experience. Sure there are deathbed conversions, but I expect they are the exception rather than the rule.

[MineralMan]

14. That matches my own experience with people nearing death.

It's a poor argument by the religious, at a minimum, and a whistling through the graveyard, at worst.

[MisterP]

17. ah, but will theists now accuse nontheists of "being in it" for the comfort?

;)
this topic forum always has such interesting discussions

[PassingFair]

21. I wish you had been at the hospital when my brother died....

It rubbed me the WRONG way to hear him called
a "humble servant" to the "lord".

My brother was an atheist/agnostic who
bent the knee to no one, and to hear him
mis-characterized over his dead body was
an affront.

I think there is a need in hospitals for
volunteer psychologists to help secular
families handle the immediate effects of
grief...

[Pacifist Patriot]

22. Humanist clergy are trying to find a way to bridge the gap

Unfortunately, there aren't enough of us. It's also very difficult to find suitable training and certification programs for chaplaincy.

[no_hypocrisy]

5. My mother was an ambivalent atheist.

One of the last conversations we shared when she was dying was she asked me where did I think we go when we die. I responded by asking her where was she before she was born. She answered she didn't know. I told her that's where she was going. She liked that idea and the symmetry.

[Pacifist Patriot]

8. That's a response some non-theists use when their children....

ask about death. It's an easy concept for a child to grasp actually. A lot easier than trying to explain where heaven is located, who they'll see there, how that person will look and what kinds of things they'll do all day long when they get there.

[Pacifist Patriot]

9. That was beautifully written.

It's a shame some folks don't think it good enough to stay on the Greatest Page.

[beam me up scottie]

10. "it’s everything in the world and everything in the world is plenty for me."

Atheism doesn’t necessarily have to focus on rejecting the notion of God. As an implicit atheist, the concepts of God or an afterlife were never a part of my life.

The thing I like about atheism is the boundaries it provides. Penn Jillette explained it so well in his famous NPR essay:

I have love, blue skies, rainbows and Hallmark cards, and that has to be enough.
It has to be enough, but it’s everything in the world and everything in the world is plenty for me.

Atheism makes me appreciate what I have. It limits me in a way I find reassuring. Infinity strikes me as frightening and overwhelming. Reality is harsh, but it’s something I can wrap my head around.

[silverweb]

11. I love Mark Twain's quote:

"I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it."

This statement also does not affirm or deny the possibility that there may be another state or plane of existence to be enjoyed pre and/or post this earthly life, and so it can resonate with both believers and nonbelievers.

[deacon_sephiroth]

13. beautiful, we should all be so lucky

If you strive to live without the blinders and shackles of religion and let yourself learn and explore and experience first hand, and appreciate the wonder of what is REAL and what IS around you instead of wasting your life in make-believe or hoping for something else, you'll be filled with a profound sense of wonder and joy and beauty by the world and in the end you should have NOTHING to be ashamed of, only pride, only peace, only dignity.

[demigoddess]

15. I kind of hope there is a god. a relative is waiting to 'go home to jesus'

I hope that when he gets to heaven that Jesus gives him the really big chewing out that I think he will get if Jesus is in the after life. I would love to hear it. Maybe I will.

[MarkCharles]

18. What's with all this Christian wish to punish people?

I honestly can't tell if you're serious. But the very idea of revenge for non-belief doesn't make me come close to a smile

[dtexdem]

16. Foxholes, on the other hand, don't give anyone a lot of peace.

But I'm always happy when one's spirituality, whether of a believer, an agnostic, or an atheist, gives them peace, especially at the end. And that's spirituality with a secular definition -- encompassing how one deals with the universe and one's place in it, how one finds meaning, and so on.

[NMMNG]

19. Losing my faith actually reduced my fear of death

Ironic, really. Looking forward to eternity in "Heaven" is supposed to be a reassuring thing. When I came to accept this life is (most likely) the only one I was actually more at peace with the fact that I'll die one day.

[beam me up scottie]

20. But coming out probably increased your fear of death at the hands of friends and family.

Very brave, it's so much easier to go along just to get along.

:yourock:

[qazplm]

23. I'll be honest, I'd be more comfortable with death

if I WERE a theist. I'd know there was something after this, that I would continue to exist, to be, to feel, to know and to experience.

That I believe that we likely are done once we die is not a source of comfort at all to me. It's not fun to contemplate nonexistence, and while it is true it didn't bother me all those billions of years when I didn't exist, and while it is true it won't bother me for the trillions of years after when I don't exist, it most definitely does bother me for the next 0-? years that I do/will exist.

There may come a point in the future when I'm ready to shed the mortal coil, but I gotta tell ya, I am going to be fighting it tooth and nail up to the last breath if I live to 80, 90 or 290.