Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

[tandot]

http://www.evilbible.com/Top_Ten_List.htm


10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

...

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

[gator_in_Ontario]

1. great post

thanks for the link! Now I will have something to read while I'm swimming in the lake of fire!

[RobertSeattle]

2. 11. You Voted for George Bush because "he's a good Christian man"

[tandot]

3. ..."a good Christian man" ...

who doesn't mind starting a war based on lies and killing thousands of soldiers and innocent civilians. A "real" Christian...

[Brothaman2k]

19. Gotta say

I'm tired of "The redstaters" acting like they have some sort of patent on Christianity.

I'm a Christian and how anyone who is a Christian could tolerate what Bush is done just cuz he says publicly he shares our faith is stunning. The man actually had the gall to say Jesus was his role model, then proceeded to lie in order to justify an unnecessary military action that he already knew he wanted to take. In the process he's gotten thousands of our fighting men and women killed or permanently maimed (which is to say nothing of the tens of thousands of Iraqis who've lost their lives).

More over I fully believe he, his family and the middle eastern sheiks they've been in bed with for years were behind the most nefarious and sinister plot to minipulate world politics ever perpetrated in the history of the world.

Jesus said that of all the commands he'd given, loving each other as he'd loved us was the most important. I don't give a crap what he says, that sounds nothing like our president.

I got news for all those folks that think just because you SAY you're a Christian, that actually makes you one. Talks cheap and faith without WORKS are dead. You're judged not by what you say, but what you DO. Oh, and from what I've gleaned from The Word? I got bad news for The President and those who support him just cuz he puts on his front of virtue and holiness...

God hates hypocrites.

[tandot]

22. Great Post, Brothaman2K!

I've lived in Oklahoma and Texas for 10 years before I moved to California. They all do the talk...but nobody is doing the walk. I've never met so many hypocrites in my life as there.

[calmblueocean]

28. Amen. Great post.

It's so true -- the man who had the gall to say that Jesus was his role model turned around and started a war of choice based on deception and manipulation. How grotesque is that? How disgusting? How can Christians not be shunning this man?

[ChairmanAgnostic]

32. not a patent on Xtianity, but on morals, ethics and honesty.

When some ultra-conservative starts pontificating that only xtians have the capacity to be moral, I get perturbed. What is worse is that the MSM has reported that over and over again, without thinking it through.

The again, I have seen a growing usage of "God Bless" on CNN and MSNBC. That bothers me even more.

[thinkingwoman]

34. "A Good Christian Man" is always my cue

to run like hell in the opposite direction. I've yet to meet one single "Good Christian" that isn't a compulsive liar, cheat, and all around hypocrite.

Basically, I do think there are "good" Christians. But their conduct speaks for itself. Anyone having to be sold by PR (be it national or local word of mouth) as a "Good Christian" is usually neither.

[BR_Parkway]

43. The best bumper sticker - "Don't tell me what a great Christian you

are, let me figure it out for myself!"

Says so much in so few words.

[Lerkfish]

33. beat me to it. I would also add:

(haven't read down the thread so these may already have been brought up)

12. You hate "welfare mothers" and the homeless because they're a drain on society, but you are ok with tv evangelists owning yachts and mansions using your money.
13. You talk of "hating the sin, not the sinner" when you campaign against gay marriage, but you do nothing about child abuse or incest in a straight home.
14. You think abortion is murder, but you think capital punishment is "getting what they deserve".


I could keep going....LOL

[NanceGreggs]

4. An addition, if I may?

"You saw "The Passion of Christ" a dozen times, and cried like a baby.
You saw the pictures from Abu Ghraib, and still think Bush is a good Christian."

[niyad]

6. another additon: You made your child watch the passion snuff film

a dozen times, but freaked over janet jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" (which you watched in replay several hundred times)

[tandot]

9. I never got the obsession with Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction"

If they would get as outraged about child-molesting priests as they were about her boobs, the world would be a better place.

[tandot]

7. Very true. Thanks, NanceGreggs!

I just saw a bumper sticker today saying "you can't be catholic and pro-abortion" ...my bumper sticker would be "you can't be a Christian and pro-Bush"

[NanceGreggs]

10. "You can't be a Christian and pro-Bush!"

THAT is BRILLIANT, tandot!

:applause:

[tandot]

13. I think I'll go to one of those "create your own bumper sticker" websites

and get that one. Or maybe "real Christians oppose Bush...only hypocrites don't"

[NanceGreggs]

16. Here's another thought ...

"'Christian Bush Supporter' - Voted 2006 Oxymoron of the Year!"

[tandot]

20. "Christian Bush Supporters...nominated for the Darwin Award"

http://www.darwinawards.com/

It is time for Bush supporters to take themselves out of the "gene pool" ...

[niyad]

5. THANK YOU--my little trolls are going to just HATE this.

[shenmue]

8. You think that...

abortion is wrong, but God drowning nearly everyone on the planet in the Flood not only really happened :rofl:, but was a good idea.

[tandot]

12. When a tornado rips through the "red states" you never hear that BS

I would like to hear Pat Robertson explain why God had a Tornado rip through "red" states and killing people...or a huge fire that killed 11 people in Texas and destroyed so much land...

...is it save to assume that God punishes Bush-voters?

[BlooInBloo]

14. It takes FAR less than god to punish bush voters....

... lowly pig-filth shit-wallowing republicans are more than enough to punish anyone stupid, bigoted, illiterate, and apathetic enough to vote for gw.

They deserve what they vote for.

[BlooInBloo]

11. Another addition.....

...(-1) You see nothing wrong with demanding the deaths of black men convicted under shady circumstances, but raise holy hell about nonexistent anti-religious crusades when confronted with irrefutable evidence of widespread ecclesiastical child molestation.

[tandot]

18. Priests molesting children...just a few "bad" apples...

One of my class mates in college once said that the death penalty is great even if we kill someone who didn't commit the crime..."he must have been in jail for doing something wrong..." ... "nobody goes to jail without having committed a crime" ...

:crazy:

[C_U_L8R]

15. You support torture

"what the heck.. Jesus was tortured wasn't he ??? "

<extreme sarcasm and utter disgust at these fundie fascist pigs>

[FM Arouet666]

17. Great site

I will have to use some of info in the R&T forum. Thanks for the post. :evilgrin:

[beam me up scottie]

21. woot woot woot !!!

[Porcupine]

23. You think child porn is evil but blowing up Iraqi kids is just........

unfortunate and cannot fathom the moral connection between the two evils.

[FatDave]

24. #1 just makes me scream "BINGO!"

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

[verse18]

41. That gets me too.

I was trying to explain to my mother, a born-again, fundamentalist, SDA, that I was an Atheist, and I didn't believe in the Bible. The issue about the red writing in the NT came up. My mom said that verses written in red were Jesus' actual words.

I told her that just because their written in RED, doesn't mean they were his actually words. How do you know for sure? She got mad and told me, "Latoya, don't get technical!" Don't get TECHNICAL with the Bible? Sheesh

[niallmac]

25. when I ask your 6 y/o kid what kind of birthday cake he's gonna have...

(this is true I swear on a stack of bibles)
he answers excitedly: "I'm gonna have a Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins cake!"
Some DU'er may have that recipe but my Betty Crocker tome doesn't mention it.

[beam me up scottie]

26. LOL! LOL! LOL!

:rofl:

[tandot]

27. "I'm gonna have a Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins cake!"

O - M - G

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[NMMNG]

29. Oh dear, that child's brain is so warped

:scared:

[ChairmanAgnostic]

36. just washed his brain, and can't do a think with it?

read that here sometime ago.

[wickerwoman]

30. With or without thorns?

[varkam]

31. Sounds....

delicious?

[arwalden]

37. I Don't Know Whether To LAUGH... Or Shake My Head In Disbelief...

HA! I'll laugh!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[arwalden]

38. For Some Reason My Mind Heard The Voices Of "Rod & Todd Flanders"...

... whenever I read that quote.

[donco6]

39. I have no doubt that line has been used on the Simpsons.

It's just too classic.

[niallmac]

47. If it has that is one more reason I love The Simpsons and South Park.

[beam me up scottie]

45. Rod and Todd !

:spray:
Oh, that is just so perfect!
:rofl:

[niallmac]

48. Yes! a cartoon. Only...they are our neighbors!

We cannot believe it really happened.

[beam me up scottie]

49. Okay, I have to ask

what kind of cake did he have?

[niallmac]

50. I am sooooo glad you asked.

We have been invited to the party this Sunday. I am bringing my camera for sure.
Will I go to hell or even worse be sued or would it just be wrong to (anonymously) publish a pic of the cake on DU?
What if I ask? "Hey, can I show this to my blog thingy discussion group sort of left wing friends and stuff?"
I actually expect the cake will just have a cross on it or something because how would you make the entire word picture?
Could Michaelangelo make such a cake?

[beam me up scottie]

51. ROFLMAO!!!

The possibilities are endless!

As long as you don't post a picture of Rod or Todd, I don't think there's anything wrong with posting quasi-religious-porno themed cake pictures on DU.

[progressoid]

42. Yummy...?

[Minnesota Libra]

35. GREAT POST - AND TRUE TOO!!!!!!! nt

[Catchawave]

40. George Carlin on the 10 Commandments....

....always a favorite post when I see fundy threads :hi: Enjoy:

GEORGE CARLIN ON THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
from "Complaints and Grievances" (HBO special)

Here is my problem with the ten commandments- why exactly are there 10?

You simply do not need ten. The list of ten commandments was artificially and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. Here's what happened:

About 5,000 years ago a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people and keep them in line. They knew people were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so they announced that God had given them some commandments, up on a mountain, when no one was around.

Well let me ask you this- when they were making this shit up, why did they pick 10? Why not 9 or 11? I'll tell you why- because 10 sound official. Ten sounds important! Ten is the basis for the decimal system, it's a decade, it's a psychologically satisfying number (the top ten, the ten most wanted, the ten best dressed). So having ten commandments was really a marketing decision! It is clearly a bullshit list. It's a political document artificially inflated to sell better. I will now show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list that's a little more workable and logical. I am going to use the Roman Catholic version because those were the ones I was taught as a little boy.

Let's start with the first three:

I AM THE LORD THY GOD THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME

THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN

THOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH

Right off the bat the first three are pure bullshit. Sabbath day? Lord's name? strange gods? Spooky language! Designed to scare and control primitive people. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent civilized humans in the 21st century. So now we're down to 7. Next:

HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER

Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The truth is that obedience and respect shouldn't be automatic. They should be earned and based on the parent's performance. Some parents deserve respect, but most of them don't, period. You're down to six.

Now in the interest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we're going to jump around the list a little bit.

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL

THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS

Stealing and lying. Well actually, these two both prohibit the same kind of behavior- dishonesty. So you don't really need two you combine them and call the commandment "thou shalt not be dishonest". And suddenly you're down to 5.

And as long as we're combining I have two others that belong together:

THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTRY

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE

Once again, these two prohibit the same type of behavior. In this case it is marital infidelity. The difference is- coveting takes place in the mind. But I don't think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else's wife because what is a guy gonna think about when he's waxing his carrot? But, marital infidelity is a good idea so we're gonna keep this one and call it "thou shalt not be unfaithful". And suddenly we're down to four.

But when you think about it, honesty and infidelity are really part of the same overall value so, in truth, you could combine the two honesty commandments with the two fidelity commandments and give them simpler language, positive language instead of negative language and call the whole thing "thou shalt always be honest and faithful" and we're down to 3.

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR"S GOODS

This one is just plain fuckin' stupid. Coveting your neighbor's goods is what keeps the economy going! Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays "o come o ye faithful", and you want one too! Coveting creates jobs, so leave it alone. You throw out coveting and you're down to 2 now- the big honesty and fidelity commandment and the one we haven't talked about yet:

THOU SHALT NOT KILL

Murder. But when you think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason. All you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, Cashmire, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously the religious folks take thou shalt not kill. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who's doin the killin' and who's gettin' killed. So, with all of this in mind, I give you my revised list of the two commandments:

Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie.

&

Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you.

Two is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fuckin' pocket. I wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama posting them on the courthouse wall, as long as they provided one additional commandment:

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.


thanks to Doug Rowlands
http://www.geocities.com/bobmelzer/gc10cx.html

[WritingIsMyReligion]

44. OMG

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

[tandot]

46. This is hilarious...

"Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you"

That is exactly their mentality...