Cleveland Pathetically Celebrates Greatest Sports Moment In City’s History

[El Supremo]

CLEVELAND—As the Dallas Mavericks sealed their NBA Finals victory over LeBron James and the Miami Heat Sunday night, the citizens of Cleveland participated in a joyous, exuberant, and extremely pathetic celebration of their city's greatest-ever sports moment.

"When I saw there were just two minutes left on the clock and there was no way LeBron could turn it around, I admit it—I started crying for pure joy," said emotionally misguided Cavaliers fan Randall Peterman, who watched the game on a huge projector screen in Gateway Plaza alongside thousands of other jubilant fans, all of whom seemed unaware that their feelings of triumph-by-proxy revealed deep flaws in their outlook not only on sports, but on life as a whole. “I am more proud of my hometown tonight than I have ever been.”

"This one's for the whole city ," added Peterman, by all indications unaware of the shamefully absurd implications of appropriating another city's sports championship for one's own out of overblown, inarticulate feelings of betrayal. “Let’s go Mavs! Let’s go Mavs!”

Across the city, in bars and at Finals-watching parties, Cleveland sports fans erupted in a psychologically stunted caricature of joy at the sight of James, their former hero, slumped over in defeat. The celebration reportedly grew even sadder as Cleveland fans began referring to the Dallas team as the “Mavaliers,” and became almost impossible to bear after the erection of a billboard on Ohio’s Interstate 480 that said, “Congratulations, Mavericks.”

The rest at: http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/cleveland-pathetically-celebrates-greatest-sports,20819/

[Auggie]

1. “This completely makes up for Jordan’s shot over Ehlo...”

Funny stuff

[KG]

2. i knew this was an onion story just from the title....

:P