(satire) Ndamukong Suh Blamed For NFL Headquarters Building Shaking On Tuesday

[UrbScotty]

http://www.prideofdetroit.com/2011/8/23/2380843/ndamukong-suh-fine-earthquake-nfl-roger-goodell

An earthquake was felt across the eastern part of the United States on Tuesday, including at the NFL's headquarters in New York. Damage from the earthquake was minimal, and no injuries are believed to have occurred. However, the NFL decided to fine Detroit Lions defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh anyway, citing a concerning pattern of behavior from the second-year player.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell confirmed the decision to fine Suh in a two-sentence press release: "Ndamukong Suh's reckless behavior must be stopped, and evidently his first three fines didn't send a harsh enough message. It's clear no other player had the motive and ability to tamper with our building, so the decision was made to fine Suh."

NFL spokesman Greg Aiello confirmed that the league reached out to Lions head coach Jim Schwartz to discuss Suh's whereabouts on Tuesday afternoon. Aiello said that Schwartz was not willing to divulge that information. Every time Schwartz was asked where Suh was, he simply replied, "Suh's got a home." Aiello said he asked Schwartz when Suh was at his home, but Schwartz declined to specify the timetable and again replied, "He's got a home."

...

The good news for the Lions is they were able to acquire an extra 2012 draft pick on Tuesday night from the Oakland Raiders. Lions general manager Martin Mayhew reportedly acquired the pick in exchange for Hurricane Irene, another natural disaster affecting the eastern part of the United States. Raiders owner Al Davis explained the puzzling decision to make the trade by releasing a brief statement that simply read, "Can you believe the speed of this thing?"