Insane Moron Draws Conclusion From NFL Preseason Game

[joeybee12]

BRISTOL, CT—Basing his argument on an entirely meaningless preseason game between the Chicago Bears and the New York Giants, a deranged idiot came to a completely fucking stupid conclusion Tuesday about the whole 2011 NFL season, sources confirmed.

The raving simpleton, who somehow managed to string together several words to make the moronic comments, seemed to believe he had determined—by watching 60 minutes of pointless football—how the Bears’ and Giants’ offenses, defenses, and special teams units would fare throughout the regular season and even the goddamn playoffs, for Christ’s sake. According to reports, the mentally ill oaf arrived at his nonsensical revelations by feebly analyzing the statistics and final score of the insignificant contest, which was primarily used by the coaches to evaluate third- and fourth-string players.

“Brian Urlacher is still a force to reckon with out there; even though he’s in his 12th season, the guy hasn’t lost a step,” the lunatic said in reference to a linebacker who was out on the field for four defensive series and was credited with one measly tackle. “Urlacher is going to continue to dominate for years to come.”

Throughout the two-minute postgame analysis, the severely brain-damaged dimwit talked very loudly and drew a number of foolish conclusions based on a game that was largely played by substitutes who will spend the majority of the season on the bench. While the imbecilic dipshit babbled that the victory—in a contest that served no real purpose—proved New York had no weaknesses, he reportedly failed to make any mention of the team’s questions at wide receiver, its need for a playmaking tight end, and the way mounting injuries had taken a toll on its defensive line and secondary.

http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/insane-moron-draws-conclusion-from-nfl-preseason-g,21211/

IMHO, the photo MAKES this even funnier! :evilgrin:

[brendan120678]

1. LOL...that's perfect. (nt)

[trumad]

2. Love it

[givemebackmycountry]

3. HEY! That's Stink! Leave him alone!

Three Super Bowl Rings.
29 surgeries.
I don't like this post.

:mad: :thumbsdown: :cry: :cry: :thumbsdown: :mad:

[Chan790]

5. He was one of my regular customers when I worked at Starbucks.

Nicest guy you'll ever meet, always has a minute to chat with anybody who recognizes him. Always smiling and friendly. I saw him have more than one conversation where he grinned and took as some bloviating moron tried to tell him that he had no idea what he was talking about...and that some awful team was going to the Super Bowl.

[ProfessorGAC]

9. I LIke It

That guy just bugs me. And he really needs to take a pill for his Cutler hate. He needs to give it a rest. He doesn't work for the Broncos any longer.
GAC

[RockaFowler]

4. Gotta love the Onion

[HuckleB]

6. I love the sweet Onion...

... almost as much as I have loved the sour grapes stomped upon and spilled by Steelers fans at several BBQs this summer.

What is the deal with Steelers fans, anyway? Are they all arseholes, or is it just those few who inhabit the Pacific Northwest?

[Bluzmann57]

7. Why are Steeler fans upset?

Because a superior team beat them fair and square in the Super Bowl?
Steelers fans better not be complaining about "bad calls" during the Super Bowl, or any other game for that matter, after they stole one from the Seahawks several years ago.

[HuckleB]

8. They start out grumpy, with basic pointless epithets.

Then it's "the Steelers beat themselves," and "the Packers shouldn't have even been there." Blah. Blah. Blah.

Ugh.