If NCLB was football

[central scrutinizer]

1. All teams must make the state playoffs, and all will win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable.
2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time and in the same conditions. No exceptions will be made for interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities. ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL.
3. Talented players will be asked to work out on their own without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in football, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't like football.
4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th and 11th games.
5. This will create a New Age of sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimal goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child will be left behind.

[cmd]

1. That sums it up very well

Finally, NCLB explained in terms red staters understand!

[BOHICA06]

2. Except that Football prowess has

nothing to do with your ability to function in an increasing technical workforce. Who cares if John can't tell a post-route from an out pattern? Now ask who cares if Johnny can't read his diploma?

[mark414]

4. i don't think it was supposed to be completely literal...

[cmd]

3. How on earth did this post end up in sports?

It is commentary on education.

[AmericanErrorist]

5. ...with a Sports bent.

This is one of those puzzlers