Oh God, don't lock this, it's too funny! I took the nasty part out of the title to play it safe!
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/charles_barkley_finally_gets_thatSCOTTSDALE, AZ—Weeks after being arrested for driving under the influence while seeking out oral sex from a certain particularly skilled partner, NBA legend and basketball analyst Charles Barkley was finally able to drive across town, meet said partner under favorable circumstances, and obtain the blow job in question, Barkley said yesterday.
"Whew!" a visibly relieved Barkley told reporters in a press conference held immediately after the act. "Oh, man. Oh, man! I mean, seriously, I needed that. I needed that one bad, after what happened the first time I tried to get a blow job. And I am so glad that is all over with so I can get it behind me and just move on."
"Damn, man, I'm telling you, that was one seriously high-quality blow job," added Barkley, leaning forward in his seat to yawn and crack his neck. "Drinking or not drinking, there's no mystery why I was in such a hurry to get that taken care of when they pulled me over last month. Now, if there's no questions, I'm going to go get me some eggs. I could eat a ton of scrambled eggs right now."