Satire: Goodenow, Bettman on "The Apprentice"

[AmericanErrorist]

Trump: Gary, Bob, you guys know why you've been brought to the boardroom, right? The NHL is one of the top brands in all of sports. There are hockey fans everywhere. But a $2-billion industry is in jeopardy because you two can't find a way to divide the pie.

(Gary and Bob sit quietly. Gary is leaning over the table, his weight bearing down on the mahogany slab. Bob leans back in his chair.)

Trump: If you ask me, that's some awful leadership. Both of you performed horribly in this task.

(Trump pauses to gauge Gary and Bob's reaction)

Trump: Bob, who should get fired?

Bob: Gary, Mr. Trump. We made a good offer. The players were willing to take a 24-per-cent pay cut, but Gary said it wasn't enough. And then we even gave up our big bargaining stance and caved on the salary cap...

Gary (interrupting): Cost certainty.

Bob (rolling his eyes): Salary cap.

Gary (in a condescending tone while reaching over to touch Bob's arm): Cost certainty.

Bob (visibly agitated): Salary cap!



Trump: Listen, Bob, Gary, I like you both. Gary, you're a good New Yorker who rarely pulls punches. And Bob, what's not to like about a hockey-playing Harvard grad? But you guys broke a cardinal rule -- letting personal vendettas interfere with business. And you've taken a $2-billion business and made it irrelevant almost everywhere. I mean, who's talking hockey these days?

I'm tired of the finger-pointing, I'm tired of the PR games, and most of all, I'm tired of the way you've both forgotten about who really pays your bills – the fans. Sure, Gary, you're fixing it for the fans, you say. But you don't fix something by destroying it.

Bob, as I see it, you haven't done enough. Your guys haven't been paid in months, the fans are against you and things are going to get a lot worse now before they get better.

I know I'm breaking the rules by doing this, but this is my show. I can't have either of you ever working for me. Gary, Bob, you're both fired. Now, out!

http://www.cbc.ca/sports/columns/analysis/tavares/tavares_050213.html

[Ravenseye]

1. The Full Article Is Great

Really well written with the voice of Trump.