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BloodForOil Donating Member (85 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-21-05 06:26 PM
Original message
2070
This is something else I wrote about six months ago. There might be a few spelling mistakes and it might not be so polished... bear in mind it wasn't to be read by Americans so some of the emphasis might seem a bit wrong.

2070

After hours of waiting, cramped, with the stench of body odour of thousands of others just like him in is face, Jesse felt himself slowly being lifted up to the little gleam of light above. He heard the small child to the left of him give out a little whimper of fright. He didn’t know why he was about to die. He didn’t know why the small child next to him was going to suffer either. But at least the wait was over. He had had a month to think about this in his underground cell, one month of agonising wait and immense fear, one month of mounting anticipation. Every day, he woke up sweating with a sickening fear. He had had the same dream almost every day since they had caught him and rounded them up – of him drowning in a river, being pulled under by currents. Twice, he had tried to shoot himself, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull the trigger. He was too afraid. He wondered if there was a God, and if God would save him now. He thought about Heaven, and whether there would be a place for people like him, and he thought about whether there were any black angels, or they were all like the white, like they said it was. He tried to remember if it had always been like this, if it had ever been any different. But right now, he couldn’t remember anything except the throbbing pain in his temples.

The cage creaked slowly, up, up, up, until it reached the top. He heard the screams of the bloodthirsty crowd reach a new climax as they heard the cage coming to the surface. The light hit his face. His eyes, being adjusted to utter dark, reeled at the impact. When he finally opened them again, he stared into the faces of thousands upon thousands of vicious faces, all screaming for blood – his blood. He wondered what he had done for them to hate him so much. He knew they were just like him. The only difference was that he was black and that they were white. Others were guilty of being homosexuals, animal rights protestors and Muslims. Satan’s filth, to quote their new extremist secretary of state, who was intent on wiping out the impurities in the country.

Day after day, the media, controlled by right-wing religious extremists, indoctrinated people day after day with outrageous stories of how black murderers were out at large and how they killed their innocent white victims day after day, about how Muslims were planning and carrying out terrorist attacks and killing all the good white Americans, about how the communists were continually trying to overthrow the capitalist system and everything that true Americans stood for. About how gays were practising demonic worship all over the country, and how the godless cheese-eating, wine-drinking foreigners with their long moustaches were plotting to destroy America with nuclear weapons, sheltering terrorists and opposing America’s attempts to bring God to the unchristian barbarians in the middle east. Every day, their new Republican president would pass new laws through Congress further destroying minority rights, with a smile and a ‘God Bless America’, and the American people would take it in with open arms. The average lifespan of a white American was now only forty-five years – the air was polluted, and McDonalds had sorted the rest out. Nobody had health care anymore, and most importantly, nobody cared. As long as there were sinners to be persecuted, as long as they had freedom of speech and press, there was nothing to worry about.

Jesse saw the lions come out of their cages, and he felt his fear worse than ever before. He took a last snort of coke, which he had stolen from the guards, and it calmed his nerves, but not enough. He felt it building up inside him, until he could control it no more – he vomited everywhere. A fat American kid in the audience, munching popcorn and waving the American flag of independence, pointed at him and laughed. His fear left him. He felt angry. Angry that it had come to this. Angry that he was locked up in a cage being tormented and fed to lions. He was a human, not a subhuman animal, to be killed at will. He saw the lions again, and his fear returned, this time much more acutely. The cage door was lowered, and they were pushed out. They were tied up to poles, and the lions were led into their enclosure. A guard, dragging a lion from a leash attached to his mane, was suddenly pounced upon and ripped apart. Blood and guts spilled onto the ground. The lions were hungry for a kill. They had not been fed for days, and were anticipating their next meal. They approached their captives with glee. The lion approached his first victim, the animal rights protestor. The animal rights protestor held out his arm, and stroked the lion’s mane, whispering something in his ear. The lion was not to be deterred, and bit the man’s head off. The crowd screamed its approval. Jesse was physically repulsed, and bent over to retch again, but nothing came out. The next to die was an Arab. He held his hands out above his head in devotion to his God and closed his eyes. He never saw the fatal blow that severed his neck. The lion played with his bleeding head for a while, until finally crushing it into the sand. Jesse sensed he was next, and began to silently cry. His urine flowed down his tattered trousers. He felt the lion’s breath down his ripped shirt, and prayed for someone to save him – he knew he was beyond God’s help now, and shut his eyes. The lion came right up to him, and swiped at his chest, ripping his heart and one of his lungs out. He died almost instantly.
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orpupilofnature57 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-21-05 06:37 PM
Response to Original message
1. Kick! Finally a partner for Aeon Flux!
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JitterbugPerfume Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-05-05 12:56 PM
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2. wow
how did I miss this first time around?
this is chilling!
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JitterbugPerfume Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-05-05 12:57 PM
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3. kick
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petgoat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-18-05 04:43 PM
Response to Original message
4. Strong Stuff, and well done.
Bravo! This is very close to the "continuous and vivid dream" that
John Gardner names as the goal of fiction.

Personally I find long lines of text fatiguing to read, so I'd like to
see it reformatted to a line length more like what you'd get in a
book.

A few places you have some extraneous words. For example "Jesse was
physically repulsed, and bent over to retch" is redundant--doesn't the
retching show the repulsion? Or maybe you mean something like "Jesse
turned away and bent to retch," or "shrank away and bent to retch"?

"The lions were hungry for a kill. They had not been fed for days, and
were anticipating their next meal. They approached their captives with
glee" also has some unnecessary wordiness because it basically tells
us the same thing four times. I think "The lions had not been fed
for days, and approached the captives eagerly" pretty much
says it. (Maybe 'glee' is exactly the word you want--I find it a bit
jarring. "Fierce joy" is a cliche. Maybe there's another word? I
see the irony of the juxtaposition of smiling and playfulness with
terror, so maybe 'glee' is the word.)

It's very powerful stuff.


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Polethebear Donating Member (190 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-29-05 11:47 PM
Response to Original message
5. Great Stuff...
A wet dream for neocons and the like,but it's great. I could visualize it.
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