Worst Analogies Ever Written in a High School Essay

[Kire]

The following are actual winning analogies in the "worst
analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest



They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7pm instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:\flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaak/ch@ng by mistake.

He was as tall as a six-foot three-inch tree.

More: http://strangeplaces.net/weirdthings/analogies.html

[murielm99]

1. I like the bowling ball one.

Do you mind if I use it?

:evilgrin:

[Spinzonner]

3. The nose hair one is pure poetry

[ET Awful]

4. That one has a very Douglas Adams quality to it :) n/t

[aden_nak]

10. I'd go so far as to say it's a knockoff of Douglas Adams.

With his quip about the Vogon Constructor Fleet: "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."

[Shipwack]

2. Maybe this shows a complete lack of skill and judgement...

... on my part, but I thought some of those were only a hair off from being "good"...

:)

[newswolf56]

5. The "Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup" writer has obviously...

seen what happens when a long-fall jumper hits the pavement and probably has a solid future in tabloid journalism.

[Berry Cool]

6. Hate to burst your bubble, but...

...this one is a fake and has been going around for years. It's posted on snopes.com somewhere. I first read it about 11 years ago.

[aden_nak]

11. That one is priceless, even if the email itself is fake.

[unrepuke]

7. If you don't know of Richard Lederer...find out. Great stuff!

I was watching a newsreel one day where somebody had jumped off a building to their death and a man who had witnessed it was being interviewed. He said "He went 'Flaaap!', just like when you know you throw a big piece of liver down on the floor."

Ah, yes . . . I know that sound well.

[The Backlash Cometh]

8. I'm sorry, but I think these are brilliant.

There is only one that I caught that was goofy because of a grammatical error. I think the rest were real attempts at metaphors and similies and some may have even been meant to be flippant.

[Callalily]

9. Ah, such eloquence.

Frankly, some of them made me smile. You can't deny the thought process that went behind some of these analogies. I like the one "Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:\flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaak/ch@ng by mistake." Sheer poetry.

[petgoat]

12. Thanks Kire

They're funny. Whether they're bad or not depends on whether the humor
is unintentional. If it was intentional, they achieve what they set out
to do.

[Kire]

13. I just want to say...

...I didn't say they were bad (or worse). I just copied the title of the web page and posted it here.

:rant: