What do you make of this? Anything?

[jane_pippin]

I think this has potential to be something, but I have no idea what that something is. It looks like a poem now, but who knows if it will remain that way. If you have a second, could you tell me what it makes you think of and/or what you think of it? I have my own thoughts/critcisms/ideas for it/responses to it, but I don't want to share them just yet. I'm just looking for some first impressions I guess. Thanks in advance for your time and thoughts.

****

How sad, to not have nothing when nothing's all you need.
Now isn't nothing. Now is too much.

It's metal scraping metal--no rhythm but a wild eyed man's intent.

Radio voices jockey--two thousand dead somewheres don't it make you want to shout!

An electronic buzz, a high pitched tone--a copy of a copy of an air raid siren.

My head feels like a bar code.
I woke up against my will.

****

[JitterbugPerfume]

1. very provocative Jane

Nothin' aint woth nothin' but its free?

very good imagery

Kind of reminds me of some of Dylans stuff(and I love Dylan)


Do you have more?

[jane_pippin]

2. Thank you, wow.

That was a higher compliment than this deserves, but I'll take it gladly.

I don't have any more really at the moment. Lots of fragments and scraps but nothing worth showing. I'd like to work on this one some more because it isn't quite right yet. Something's missing. But "very good imagery" is a good a place as any to start, right? Thanks again for your response.

[oneighty]

3. You might try exploring

the poetry group for inspiration?

180

[jane_pippin]

4. That's a good idea.

I actually never ever ever write poetry and rarely read it. But it couldn't hurt to check it out.

As far as this thing goes--who knows. It could end up an essay for all I know at the moment. I just couldn't get these phrases out of my head today and they seemed to go together at the time so I wanted to see if anybody else liked them or if I was totally nuts. I don't know. It needs work, whatever it is, but I think there's something to it.