One I posted in GD earlier...

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

Fresh Roses




There's fresh roses in my house

today.

While on the other side of the world

My children die
and are maimed.

Fighting for,
fighting for,
fighting for...

Dear God,
I have no idea.

My children die each day this year
while my roses do so well.

My children die each day this year
as I play with my dog.

My children die each day this year
as I shop for movies.

My roses grow so well this year
as my children die.

As my roses die each year
my children lose their limbs.

As the garden turns each year
my children come home changed.

As the world turns an eye
our children feed the mill.

And die and die and die and die
to feed a corporate till.

[Wetzelbill]

1. yeah, I'm down with that

:)

What I like about you, is you take this raw emotion, harness it and make it into something identifiable. To correlate children with roses is interesting. Calling them "my" children give them intimacy. So in looking at it, it's as if, since children are American soldiers, you feel an intimate pain for each and every soldier. I also think you release enough emotion, not just anger but empathy, that the reader can feel the same as you do. I think it's a fine line here. You want someone to feel angry, yet you also don't want them to not feel some sort of intimate compassion for those overseas. You do a nice job of riding that line.