Some fun I had with the Impending Rapture in GD

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

I'm logging in from the Internet Cafe in Heaven right now and all I can say is, WOW!

I wasn't expecting this, I've had Buddhist and Atheistic leanings my whole life but yesterday at 12:28 CST, I felt a little buzz, blinked my eyes and I was passing a joint to Timothy Leary.

I finished the doob with Tim, had a latte and some awesome banana pudding with 'nilla wafers and went to find someone in charge.

It's really cool up here. Green hills and meadows peeking up out of the clouds, shops here and there that always seem to have whatever you're looking for and they won't take money or anything. They just seem to get off on making other people happy.

I wandered about for what seemed like a couple of hours (time is really whacked up here, it may have been a couple of minutes or a couple of weeks) and ran into a guy sitting on a bench by the side of the path reading a first edition of Huckleberry Finn. He had wild white hair, wore a white poplin suit and twiddled with a fat cigar with a pleasant aroma that wafted through the ether.

"Hi?"

He bent down, plucked a piece of thread from the cuff of his trousers and used it as a bookmark. "Why, is that you, TYJ?" he said with a Missouri accent that reminded me of Jack Nicholson. Tthere was a twinkle in his eye and a sly smile that was contagious.

"Yeap, it's me... And you're...?"

"Yeah, I am. What you think so far? Comfy? Did you see your old pal, Tim. He's a hoot."

Wow, I thought. News travels around here. "Sure did, Mark, er, Sam... Uh, what should I call you?"

He shrugged. "Shoot, I've got a lot of names. My favorite is 'Mysterious Stranger.' Hell, I don't care what people call me as long as it's not late for dinner. I'll bet you have a few questions, eh? Come her. Sit a spell."

I sat down. He pulled out a brown paper sack. "I have tuna... and... looks like tuna. That work for you or I can check the bag again?"

"Tuna's fine," I said. Yeah, I do have a question. I wasn't a religious man, didn't really believe in God, but it's my best guess that I'm in Heaven right now."

"Reckon you are," he said through a mouthful of sandwich. Crumbs of bread and tuna nestled in his mustache. "You seemed surprised?"

"I guess I am, Sam. I never really got into the Bible, Koran, the Talmud or any of the other great religious writings. I fouled up a lot, but I tried to look out for the other guy and do the right thing. But all the Religious leaders kept telling me and people like me we were going to hell. Now here it is and I'm not there. What's up with that?"

Sam shoved the last bit of sandwich in his mouth and washed it down with two fingers of Kentucky that I hadn't noticed before. "That's not your worry, son. I always thought more about the way a man behaved over the way he talked. Enjoy yourself. Head on down the path about half a mile, You'll find Kheph, Nost and That nasty ol' Swamp Rat where he's havin' a crawfish boil. I understand they're havin' some kind of DU get together."

I smiled... No, I grinned and thanked him and started down the path already smelling the Cajun seasonings in the air.

"Oh! And TYJ! Don't worry about those other books, they were written by men! I wrote this one!"

I looked back and he was holding up a copy of the Collected Works of Mark Twain. And even though I smiled... no, grinned... the tears rolled down my face and I was happy because everything was right with the world.



Dedicated to the good people of DU. :toast: