Wrote a poem that doesn't totally suck

[Bossy Monkey]

Well it didn't at first. The idea was to write three stanzas, then interlace them, ie, line from first stanza, line from second, line from third, etc. Probably a great idea if I had any real poetic talent, but it didn't work too brilliantly with this particular piece. It would probably be really neat if done with lines nebulous enough in meaning that they would make sense in either order. Anyway, here's the thing written out straight. If something this short needs a title, it might be Romulus and Halliburton:

Forget all you've heard
the gods are all dead
No one knows where they went
and no one who went looking came back

The hero-twins suckled from a wolf
which maybe explains their outlook
toward their fellows
(humans I mean, not wolves)

Your land is for sale
and the contracts are all no-bid
I hope nobody minds
Absolute power corrupts? Absolutely!


This is the same thing rearranged. The idea is that the lines from the second stanza would be indented once and those from the third would be indented twice. However, this software is hostile to indenting, so most likely, I'll have to do something stupid on edit like put in little arrows (> and >>) to indicate indentation, sorry. It came out a little bit amusing at least:

Forget all you've heard
>The hero-twins suckled from a wolf
>>Your land is for sale
the gods are all dead
>which maybe explains their outlook
>>and the contracts are all no-bid
No one knows where they went
>toward their fellows
>>I hope nobody minds
and no one who went looking came back
>(humans I mean, not wolves)
>>Absolute power corrupts? Absolutely!

[intheflow]

1. DU haiku

Political speech?
Democratic Underground:
Free assembly here.

[zeemike]

2. I am no one to say

Because I don't do that well myself, but Can I suggest something?

It seems TOO short and brief for what you are trying to express.
Could you add more to it?
Like this:

Forget all you've heard
Da da Da da
the gods are all dead
Da da da ada
No one knows where they went
Da da Da da
and no one who went looking came back

Or maybe like this;

Forget all you've heard the gods are all dead
Da da da da
No one knows where they went
and no one who went looking came back

The reason I say that is it seems like there should be more there, but I am no critic or poet, but I get someone like oneeighty could help a lot. He is a natural.

[TyeDye75]

3. The hero-twins suckled from a wolf

Is that a reference to the founders of Rome

[Bossy Monkey]

4. Yes. Sorry, wasn't trying to be subtle or anything

hence the suggestion that the title might be Romulus and Halliburton.