Is Extreme Parenting Effective?

[groovedaddy]

All parents wish the best for their children. But how should they go about it?

The Wall Street Journal published an essay titled “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior” in which Amy Chua, a professor at Yale Law School, argues that tough love is the key to raising successful children. Her parenting methods include never allowing her two daughters to "attend a sleepover, have a play date, be in a school play, complain about not being in a school play, watch TV or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade less than an A."

These measures may strike most parents as extreme. Some commentators note that such an approach may come out of a perhaps naïve belief that parents can indeed have control over their children.

What are the effects of a parenting style that is so demanding? Does strict control of a child's life lead to greater success or can it be counterproductive?

http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2011/01/13/is-extreme-parenting-effective?nl=todaysheadlines&emc=thab1

[Fumesucker]

1. It depends on the child..

It would probably be effective with some children and totally counterproductive with others.

[Jackpine Radical]

2. I think it's a terrible idea

and a really bad, dangerous way to treat a child. I have seen the results of childrearing practices like these, and they are generally not good.

[DBoon]

3. Why does the WSJ print this?

Do their readers fantasize about having perfectly obedient employees who devote their entire lives to their jobs without complaint?

Is it to justify sending American jobs to China?

I've read that the excerpt actually distorts the meaning of the book - makes it look like a "how to" guide for raising overachiever children when it is in fact a life story of an immigrant family.

Why is the premiere financial newspaper in the USA, the Murdoch-owned Wall Street Journal, choosing to print this type of article?

[frazzled]

5. It's the New York Times

Calm down.

People always want to discuss what works with parenting. As a veteran parent, I say: not much. Lead by example is the best you can do.

[DBoon]

6. Original "Chinese Super Mom" story was in WSJ

NYT article was a commentary on that

Quote from OP:

"The Wall Street Journal published an essay titled “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior” in which Amy Chua, a professor at Yale Law School, argues that tough love is the key to raising successful children. Her parenting methods include never allowing her two daughters to "attend a sleepover, have a play date, be in a school play, complain about not being in a school play, watch TV or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade less than an A."

I'm not a parent, but I *am* suspicious of anything in the WSJ in terms of ideological slant

I saw the original WSJ article as making a broader point than just to highlight child-rearing practices

[laconicsax]

4. "control over their children."

:banghead:

[Happyhippychick]

7. I think you need to ask yourself what your definition of "effective" is.

If your goal (as a parent) is to have children who completely obey and never get a grade less than an A (taking from the article, not saying you are wanting this), then yes, this is very effective.

If your goal is to have a close and connected, authentic, relationship with your children where they feel understood, empathized with, and heard, then no, this is not an effective way to parent.

I would urge the same type of reflection on the word "success" which the article uses: what is your definition of a successful life? Is it one which focuses on job and money or one that focuses on love and connections with others? This parenting style would work well for money and success, not so well with love and connection.