How is your relationship with your parents since you have come out?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

[GodlessBiker]

1. Better than it was beforehand. Quite good, actually.

But I have a 3,000 mile buffer zone, so maybe I'm not typical.

[yardwork]

2. Great. No change.

I didn't come out until I was 45, and it involved leaving my long-time marriage, so it was very disruptive. It meant a loss for my mother. She was close to my former husband and since he remarried, she doesn't have much contact with him. This is sad for both of them.

Still, my mom has been nothing but 100% supportive of me. She's been wonderful, in fact.

[Rhythm]

3. I didn't really have to 'come out'... my parents already suspected that i wasn't entirely straight

I'm in my early 40's, and i dated as many girls in high school as i did boys, and spent a lot of time/effort helping a neighbor couple get our city's first MCC church off the ground. My folks didn't really talk about sexuality issues, and though both of them were Southern social conservatives, they treated any potential bf/gf that i brought home with at least courtesy.

I was married for over a decade, got divorced, and then met Oktoberain. My mom likes Oktoberain a hundred times more than she ever did the wasband, and has told me so. My dad would have as well, but alas, he is no longer with us.

[SacredCow]

4. More or less the same, I guess....

we have kind of an unofficial "don't ask, don't tell" policy going on for a lot of topics, which given my mom's nosy and inquisitive nature is probably for the best. The more she knows, the more she wants to know, and I've always had a problem with that (even pre-out). My sister, OTOH, gives her every detail she asks for, then calls me to complain that "Mom won't mind her own business."

[RetiredTrotskyite]

5. My Mum Is Gone Now...

In the beginning, she was very upset about it, which I guess is natural since she was born in 1916. I mean, this lady was very, very old school on this (1972).She just couldn't deal with the thought of me with a man, I suppose. she didn't write me off, but we just sort of agreed to never speak about it. Then for a long time we simply didn't speak about it because I was in monastic life. I left monastic life in the late 1990s and in 2005, I met a man and decided I was just too old for closet games, so I told my mum I had met a man and was planning to get married, legally, in Canads. You could have knocked me over with a feather when my mum told me she was happy for me. During my visit, she went to her therapist appointment and asked if I could sit in on the session. OK. So, she told the therapist of my impending marriage and the therapist asked my mum how she felt about it. I urged her to be honest because therapy is useless if you spend your time lying. She said she felt she only had a two or three years left and that when she died, she wanted to die knowing I was happy. She also told me that she suspected that I might be gay as young as 7, but back then had no idea of how to deal with it. Fair enough considering that that was back in 1960 (man, I am really dating myself here lol).

It turned out that I did not marry the man I mentioned above, I married a lovely man who I met in late 2006 after my other relationship went south. I told my mum in summer of 2007 that he and I were going to be married in Canada. Mum told me that she would be there and she was. By this time she was experiencing some (at times severe) dementia, but the day we married, she was having a good, very clear day and was able to enjoy our wedding by the Detroit River and an intimate reception afterward. I think I could have been knocked over with a feather when I referred to DH as "my friend" and my mum corrected me, saying "That's his husband."

My mum passed away in the spring of 2008 and whilst home for her funeral I spoke with a cousin who is evangelical but very supportive. She said she frequently spoke to my mum over the years on my behalf, finally getting her to understand that people are who they are and that as long as they are hurting no one, they deserve to be happy. I guess stranger things have happened. Also, I found out that my extended family to whom I had not spoken in years due to a tiff my late father had with them, were all very happy to see that I had someone in my life. An uncle of whom I was fond when little told me that he had no problems with same-sex marriage--he said that he had been married for fifty years and that no same sex couple was going to make his marriage any less happy than it is.

Here is a pic of the wedding (Mum is in the middle in the pink dress):

[La Lioness Priyanka]

6. thats a very sweet story.

[foxfeet]

7. After a couple of pissy months at first, things gradually got better.

Actually my biggest battle was with my mom over her demand that I promise her I wouldn't tell her elderly mother, my grandmother. I refused to promise and explained that although I had no reason to tell Grandma (who wouldn't have understood), it wasn't mom's place to decide for me to whom I should or shouldn't come out. This didn't go well. As time passed, mom relaxed about the issue and we've done well since (Grandma passed on in the early '90s--I never did tell her.

I now have the aforementioned 3000 mile buffer zone, mostly for reasons of politics and religion. I love my family of origin, but they often drive me crazy, All of 'em, except one nephew with some brains, are Republicans and always vote Republican--even when I point out that their votes are ultimately hurtful to me and my partner. They don't see the connection. On a personal level, they have been very accepting of and loving to my partner and consider him a part of the family (23 years, now). We go back East to see them every couple of years and always have a good time as long as we don't discuss politics or religion.

[donco6]

8. My mom died when I was young. But my dad was totally cool.

Through a lot of non-gay issues, my dad and I kinda fell out of touch until I really came out. After that he was TOTALLY cool. He came to visit many times, stayed at our house, went to Vegas with us. He was absolutely great, great, great.

I miss him.

[ThomCat]

9. Disowned and ridiculed by half my family

and barely in touch with the other half.

The parent I still speak to went from treating me like a person, and one of her two twin sons, two "the other one"

She has come to visit me once in 20 years. I suppose that says everything.

Family is a birth defect. But it's one you can fortunately leave behind.

[Toasterlad]

10. I Was Very Lucky.

Mom was a little upset (wondering where she "went wrong"), but gradually came around. Dad was totally cool with it. I'm very glad I came out when I did; Mom had a chance to make peace with the reality that her son was gay, and got to really know me, before she died in 2007.

When I hear horror stories like Thomcat's - or worse - it makes me shiver. I have ZERO interest in being a parent myself, but I just can't understand how anyone could turn their back on their own child.

[IndianaGreen]

11. My parents were old school Sephardic Orthodox Jews

They are both gone now, but when I came out, I was essentially written off as a member of the family. The worst thing is that my brother, the self-proclaimed liberal, also turned his back on me for coming out to my parents. My late sister was the only one that stood up for me.

My family is my large extended family, which includes heteros and LGBTs.

[motely36]

12. When I actually 'came out' to my mom

she said'Thank you for removing the elephant from the living room' :rofl:
She is very cool with it, and treats my partner like a son.

[bigwillq]

13. It was rough when I first came out

Now it is really, really good. :)

[Lilith Velkor]

14. I never came out to my dad, and didn't have to with mom

Dad and I didn't speak to each other for 20 years, over something unrelated to my sexuality. I got back in touch with him 5 years ago, and since then, we had one very oblique conversation about it, in which he indicated that he would rather not know. He's 80 and a staunch social conservative, but resigned to the fact that society has changed and is still changing, and gay people will be fully integrated sometime very soon after he's dead, at which point he will not be in a position to care.

With Mom, the conversation was like: "I'm bisexual." "Yeah, I know. Can you help me find my reading glasses?" and that was that.

[robish518]

15. Home for the Holidays

We have a more honest relationship since I've come out. I brought my boyfriend home for Christmas (first time they met him), and I feel like my family is a little bit closer. Our relationships seem to me more like how adults are suppose to behave. At times I think my family can be pretty childish, but my parents are pretty cool with us. As usual, my mom is more accepting than my dad. He doesn't want me to be publicly gay, because he doesn't want to see me get hurt. He means well, but I just always hoped that he would understand why it's important for people to come out and why I did so.

Christmas was great. My family got along without any arguments (this is typical behavior where I'm from). My boyfriend enjoyed his Christmas with my family too, and he got along great with everybody. There didn't seem to be any awkwardness between anyone. We met my sister's new boyfriend and I don't think he's totally accepting of gay people, but we seemed to get along pretty well.

[mitchtv]

16. never really had a conversation like that

Both were old Irish Catholic worried a lot about the wild son. were very relieved when I met Hubby and visited us 4 or 5 times from NY to Ca and came to love their Mexican son in law so It worked out Dad called us two old bachelors.

[RetiredTrotskyite]

17. You Know Lioness, One Sees From These Posts How Important Family Acceptance and Love Are For GLBTs.

I look at the wedding picture I posted with my reply above and a fair bit of the happiness of getting married to my honey in Canada is that my mum was able to get rid of years and years of homophobia/fear and come to my wedding. I often cry tears of happiness when I look at that picture--as has been true so often in my life, she was there for me. She was there when I was baptised Orthodox. She was there when I took monastic vows, she was there when I finally followed my heart and soul as they evolved and at last I married a man who is my soul mate in every way. For someone who was abused and neglected when little, that means so much. For me, she IS Mum in every way (she was my adoptive mum). My adopted father couldn't make that leap, though he loved me as best he knew how.

Will (my DH) says that his experience was similarly positive when he came out to his family. Even his grandmother, bless her heart, said "that's my grandson" and tried to understand as best she can. We visited his family last summer and I enjoyed chatting with her...she is a real sweetheart. Of course his mum and da are supportive but we figured they would be as they are Pagan. They were able to travel to Canada to be there with us on the happiest day of our lives (the lovely couple in burgundy and beige behind us were our Best Man and Matron of Honour--the best most supportive friends I have).

I was so heartened to read the stories of all the positive reactions here--it is as if, in many cases, Mom or Dad already knew on some level or other, so when you with positive experiences finally came out, they were, like, "Yeah, OK. What else is new?" Others were able to work through surprise and initial despair, fear,perhaps, as well to stand behind their sons and daughters.

I feel sad for those of you whose parents chose fear and exclusion rather than love, acceptance and faith that things were going to work out fine for their son or daughter. i think of you and all other gay children who have suffered, still suffer, and will suffer the pain of rejection. Your brothers and sisters and straight allies are here for you, but I know it's not quite the same as your family loving and accepting you for who you are. I pray every day that you will have a happy ending akin to mine--and if not that, that you parents will at least realist that no matter what you ARE their child and that trumps everything.

[NorthCarolina]

18. Great, mom lives with us

and at 89 is still sharp as a tack and is a hard core Democrat. Don't get her started on those damn "Blue Dogs" and "DLCers" that she says ripped the heart from the party though, she'll talk your ear off.