Self deleted. Stupid and pointless.

[Mike 03]

find my post.

If you knew someone who died of AIDS in the early to mid 80s, who you really cared about, and he just vanished, without a trace, and was not on the quilt, is there any way at all to find out what his or her fate was, or to pay your respects? What if he made a huge impact on a lot of people and was just forgotten, and you needed to acknowlege that.

Sorry to ask this question again, but I'm a real coward most of the time. I did not look at the answers before. But I promise to look at them now.

[annabanana]

1. I hope you find some answers..

It sounds like it's been on your mind for a long time. Those were bad years.

[Mike 03]

4. Yes, it's true. Thank you. NT

[Tangerine LaBamba]

6. Hard to think about them, isn't it?

I did volunteer work with Shanti in San Francisco in the late eighties. Dealing with people who'd been evicted from apartments or just thrown out on the street by roommates. Families who didn't want anything to do with their dying sons. I wrote so many wills, I lost count.

Memorial services. The last one I went to, I cried so hard, the skin around my eyes started peeling. When that happened, I went to my appointment book and checked. I'd gone to eighty-nine funerals and memorial services in twelve months.

Hard to believe it was so horrible, but it was. Raging times.

[Mike 03]

10. I promise, this will be my last post about my writing teacher! LOL NT

[luvspeas]

2. The same way you would find out about any other deceased friend...

Look up their family and friends. Ask around. You have a name, right?

[Mike 03]

5. I have his name, yes, but I've been told that his family wanted nothing

to do with him.

So he was alone, which makes it all worse.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

8. Contact them anyway

The worst they can do is ignore you, but there might be one decent human being in the bunch who will answer your question.

[luvspeas]

14. yes, I agree.

They can only tell you to leave them alone. It might make them think. Also-time passes and people change. They might be looking for a chance to rectify.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

3. Contact his family?

Survivors? Mutual friends?

If you knew where he was living when he "disappeared," you can do a check of the local newspaper's obituary archives.

I'm curious. If they've been gone almost a quarter of a century, what happened to prompt your interest? It's never too late to pay respects, I guess, is it?

And why would you be afraid to look at any answers you might have gotten to a reasonable question?

[Mike 03]

7. I only know where he was teaching writing when he disappeared.

I have no clues about his family, or why they cut off contact with him, or why it had to be such a mystery about the fact he was ailing and dying.

But you ask good questions.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

11. Contact the school, then.......

Maybe someone is still there who knew him.

Look, try anything, no matter how tenuous the connection might seem. The worst that can happen is that you get no information, which leaves you right where you are now.

Nothing to lose.

[shraby]

9. Google Social Security Death Index

there are free ones on the net and put his name in the search engine. You might just find him.

[Mike 03]

12. I PROMISE I will never ask this question again here at DU

Thank you for bearing with me as I've gone through this process of reliving those years.

Some questions simply have no answer.

Thank you for indulging me. I promise I will not ask this question again here. But thanks.

I had some idea that maybe someone here might know some way to find out what happened to him and how to pay my respects, but what I'm asking is probably impossible.

It's okay. Thanks anyway!

[luvspeas]

15. You sound like you have your mind made up....

Or do you?

[Muttocracy]

13. you can send info in to the quilt folks

http://aidsquilt.org/makeapanel.htm (page down to where you can write them about your friend)

[pinto]

16. Death certificates are public record. Usually a County level function, at least here in CA.

You'd have to have some info on place of death, in this instance. And a small copying fee.

Otherwise, next of kin is an avenue or personal friends. They may have more access to info.

Good luck on your search, and your remembrance.

[Bluenorthwest]

17. the Disappeared....

You can pay respects in many ways, even if you can not find a trace. In my eyes, you pay respects here in a way, by saying and sharing...sometimes our own memories are the only fitting memorial.
Peace