Please lend this your support - A personal story (sorry it is so long)

Ioo

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Fri Feb-06-09 11:46 AM
Original message

Please lend this your support - A personal story (sorry it is so long)

So, to many here I am kind of gruff, been called, deservedly so at times, an asshole.

I am not new to being gay, but I am new to caring about it. Allow me to explain.

When I was growing up, I always had an attitude of "get over it and move on," this has been for much of my life a mantra. I grew up MORMON on one side, and Southern Baptists on the other. I came from very poor breeding stock, and had a less that good childhood (don't believe all you read about the Mormon family). So "Get over it and move on" was a real defense mechanism, it was what kept me from falling into the same traps that I have every right to fall into.

Once outed, I never really wore my sexuality as some badge, and to this day I think that those that do are a really hurting our movement (I can go into that later if you want to debate it). For a long time I was forced to hide who I was, because the path out of the situation my family was in, the escape from the downward cycle was the military... so while many of my High School friends knew I was gay, I was not able, nor did I want, to be OUT THERE with who I was...

Fast forward a little. I meet the love of my life late in 1994, I was 4 weeks from being shipped to my new duty station outside Washington DC. I pulled some shenanigans so that I could live off base (not for public forums), and he followed me... I was active duty Air Force, and living with the love of my life. Again, being OUT THERE was not an option. Most of my co-workers knew my love, and it was just something we did not talk about publicly, or we played "Pronoun Switcharoo".

Fast forward some more... I was seriously hurt and discharged from the service... We left DC with our tails tucked under, and we headed back home, where we lived on the living room floor of his mothers house... we had NOTHING in the bank. I was discharged and handed over to the VA, because the USAF did not want to have my retirement on their budget, they would rather me have to fight with the VA. My love was beside me the whole time.

Move forward 10 years... my "Get over it and move on" had once again paid off. We are on our second home, and doing great. I had healed to the point to where I could work and we are doing well, if I tried to complain I would hope that I would be laughed out of the room.

Seeing an opportunity, My love and I went to Oakland CA from our home in a far flung burb of Washington DC (yah we came back here, Florida sucks). and we got married...

Here's a Pic ! (he is going to be mad I posted it, so look quick)

It was the happiest day in my life, I was able to show just how much I loved this man who has stuck with me in some very trying times.

I tell you all that to tell you this...

We went to go meet a friend in Castro, in SF. My husband had never been to SF, or any of CA for that matter. Before we go and meet him, we go grab some dinner... We are sitting in this small, but busy place called "Chow" (I am sure many know where I am). The server asks how we are doing, and I say, because I am so proud, "We got married today!" and what came out of his mouth is something I will never forget as long as I live "That is wonderful, congratulations!" What? Did someone just treat me like a human, and not some odd nut from Mars, as offen the case in the DC area. Where is the odd look, and the awkward smile? We have a great mean, and we drink a few beers and bask in the glow that comes from being fully accepted for the first time in our lives... The check comes, and the drinks are on the house, complements of the manager and server. Needless to say, we paid for the drinks in the tip line!

It was 9pm PST, we had been up since 4am EST (so trust me, we are tired). Our friend is on his way. We are sitting on a ledge at Harvey Milk Plaza... and just watching... we see so many people, of all shapes and colors and everything... we just watch, sitting side-by-side on a ledge waiting for a friend. Something hit me... something on my insides shattered that day. As I watched people just being themselves, and I saw that the "east coast" version of "gay" was a lot like the "Vogue" take on the women, totally unrealistic. As I sat there on a ledge at Harvey Milk Plaza, I said to myself..."Mark you have spent your whole life trying to just do a good job, and let that alone be your protest. To prove that as a gay man I can be happy, but without leading your voice to the cause, you will get nowhere..." and so, as my friend walked up to me and said, let's head down to this bar I like, my gay activism was born....

Before that day, I had never really visited the GLBT forum here on DU, been here for years, but I was not a gay activist...

When Nov 4th came I was a wreck... the happiest day of my life was tainted, and others would not be able to feel the greatness of the events... and now they want to snatch the perfect day from me... want to make it as if it never happened.

Please go here and sign this... and watch this....
http://www.couragecampaign.org/page/s/divorce

Thank you for letting me share with you.