I have a new tenant...

[Not Me]

I have a small apartment that I rent out. It doesn't generate a whole lot of money and with the downturn in the market, it's only worth about what I paid for it. But that's a different story.

Anyway, I signed a new tenant today. A middle aged man who is in the early stages of transitioning to become the woman that he needs to be.
We talked for quite a while, and after a half hour or so, I said "So when would you like to move in?"

He looked incredulous. He said this was the fourth place he looked at, and each time, there was some lame excuse, like "I have someone else who has already given me a deposit," etc. He was amazed that he was welcome here.

Quite frankly, I am looking forward to this relationship. All day I have been thinking about the obstacles that have (and will be) thrown in his way.
I hope this is one less for her.

[elleng]

1. Bravo

:thumbsup:

[Warpy]

2. Good for you

Likely this person will be very shy during the transition period, feeling like a freak while she's neither here nor there.

Thank you for helping one less person feel like an outcast.

[Skittles]

3. have worked with two transitioning folk

no problems.....I looked at it the same way - I tried to make up for some of the crap they had to deal with

[jaxx]

4. That could have been my sister 15 years ago.

What a kind, understanding thing to do. :hug:

[Mira]

5. Excellent. A true win win situation. n/t

[MineralMan]

6. I'm betting you have a good new tenant!

[dsc]

7. Good for you

Hope she works out for you, but I am quite sure she will.

[shireen]

8. he's very courageous

i hope he has a good support system during the transition.

He's very fortunate to have you for a landlord. :hug:

[Evasporque]

10. wow you got...a "he" in there four times....Please do this-->

the best thing informed people can do when encountering trans people is this:

1. recognize what gender they are identifying with

Obviously for MTF that is seeing queues such as eye makeup, jewelry, feminine clothing, lack of a beard,
breasts...This may take a second or two but then...make the bold step...


2. Use the proper pronouns and appropriate salutations...her, she, Ma'am, dear, girl, sweetie, honey...the latter better than "dude" however for a FTM then "dude" might be appropriate in certain situations.

Being a transwoman myself in my fourth year of transitioning...the right greetings are always welcome.

Always.

I personally loathe being called "sir" when I obviously look nothing like a "sir" it comes mostly from people who have known me before and continue to use the old greetings because they do not accept and are being mean or are simply ignorant.

Either way it bugs me. I also am uncomfortable when being looked right through like I am not there, ignored, not acknowledged like I am some sort of problem that can only be solved by ignoring it. At least when people are laughing and pointing they see me and know something is up...inner city teenagers are the worst for this.

I know it is hard...but please try. It isn't much to ask and it is a hell of a lot easier than transitioning is.

[KitSileya]

13. I must admit, that sometimes I have to catch myself

I have a friend who's MTF, and we became friends before she courageously decided to start transitioning. I don't think I've called her by her former name to her face, but sometimes when talking about her with mutual friends, I've had to catch myself from using it. I figure, it's bound to happen, and when it does, I'll apologize. I'm not doing it maliciously, after all. I know that she was told in her support group that she could expect to lose all her friends when she started transitioning, but I am proud to say that most all of our group (sans her former girlfriend) continue to be her friends.

[Not Me]

15. I know what you mean.

I have a guy friend who had been estranged from his father after he came out in college. He always held out hope that his father would take that call from him, or send him a birthday card. Anything.

Sixteen years later his father died, and shortly thereafter he changed his name...both first and last name. He needed to do it to move on.
That was five years ago, and I still stumble when addressing him. It's just that I have known him for twenty years or so...I'll get there.

[shireen]

14. i'm sorry, but i followed the cue of the OP who referred to him as a man.

Look, i'm really sorry that it bothers you but please keep this in mind: many of us do not often interact with transgender people in our daily lives. You live with that every day. I do not. As much as I am supportive towards transgender people, I don't automatically find the right words because I'm not as sensitized as those who are transgender or as people who have transgender family and friends. Also, it is easier to auto-respond to visual cues. In a forum like this, it's easy to make the mistake I'm being chastized for because we read the words and don't necessarily create a visual image in our brains of what the OP is saying. But in the real world, when i am in direct contact with a transgender person, believe me, I know exactly which gender to use when referring to that person.

Again, my apologies for upsetting you.

[Evasporque]

20. it is ok.... you didn't upset me...I do run into this all the time...

just slow down and breathe a bit and think. trans people in the throws of transition are a grand exception to the culturally accepted gender binary. People also operate on instinct. We as a species are very adept at recognizing sexual gender via numerous visual and auditory queues. This is subconscious. Overcoming that take a little energy.

It is surprising that once you are queued into the subtleties of gender differentiation in the conscious realm suddenly the world no longer looks so distinctly male and female. There is a lot of space in between. And people who you think are one sex but are genetically another seem to be more numerous that one thought.

What I have run into is people are now subconsciously reading me as female then something trips in them and they "clock" me as trans or a male that looks like a woman. Most ignore this observation but some do not.

My favorite is sometimes the unisex bathroom is in use and I duck into the mens room to pee. As I am washing my hands a guy walks in and stops dead in his tracks turns around and checks the sign next to the door...and stumbles through some kind of unnecessary apology...as one of my transwomen acquaintances says..."use it while you still have it".

In regards to a certain male specific bathroom fixture.

[Q3JR4]

9. I'm so glad she found you

before you rented your room out.

Just when I think my head will explode from the stupid and insane sh*t people try to do to each other, someone like you comes along and brightens my day with a little human kindness and compassion for someone in a difficult situation. Thank you for that. If you were in my neck of the woods, I'd totally buy you a beer (or the beverage of your choice).

:toast: :yourock:

Q3JR4.

[joeybee12]

11. Good for you!

Should be a very interesting relationship indeed!

[One_Life_To_Give]

12. Brought a smile to my face

:hug: And give one to your new tenant for me too.

[RetiredTrotskyite]

16. K&R

Good for you! And I wish the lady luck in her continuing journey.

[Raster]

17. Your kindness and empathy are refreshing. Bless your heart.

[bigwillq]

18. K and R (nt)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

19. i hope she fares well on her journey. i am glad that you will be around to support her