Advice needed for Lesbian college student -

[hedgehog]

A friend of my daughter's wanted to know how one of my other daughters came out to her father and me. (That was rather unusual - I asked her why she was taking so many classes concerning GLBT issues because I was concerned she was hanging around the GLBT community because she felt sorry for people who were so persecuted. My thinking is that it was nice she was concerned, but that you don't hang with people just because you pity them, that's not healthy. Anyways, she said, I'm taking those classes because I'm gay. I admit, it took a couple of hours to get used to the idea, but then I figured out, "so what, what difference does that make, she's still the same person she always was.")

Anyways, here's the situation: only child, father knows she's gay, mother doesn't and mother wants grandkids. Is there any way this ends well?

[Ian David]

1. Lesbians can still give birth to children. There can still be grandkids. n/t

[Brickbat]

2. Being a lesbian doesn't affect whether you can have children or not.

The mom should ratchet her expectations about grandkids down no matter whom the daughter falls in love with; it's not the mom's decision to make. I've never understood parents who push their kids for grandkids.

[hedgehog]

3. I have assiduously avoided all mention of grandkids to my married daughter.

It's not my decision!

[marginlized]

4. Father knows but Mom doesn't?

Hmmm... I would think mom in fact does know, or that couple isn't communicating well. Its the sort of thing one parent would share with another.

[ProgressiveProfessor]

5. Not clear in the OP that that father and mother are still married

[Eryemil]

6. Parents need to stop these futiles attempts to mold their offspring into versions of

themselves or expect to live vicariously through their childrens' achievements

The only thing a parent should expect, and want, from their child is that they be happy. They certainly have absolutely no right to expect grandchildren; is no different than expecting your kid to become a doctor or lawyer due to the prestige it might bring to the family or those disgusting child pageants.

Not a very diplomatic answer but it's the honest truth. It is the parents that need to learn to shift their expectations based on the child they got. I understand that kids might wish to accommodate their parents expectations but many times in this cases it just ends up in woe for all involved.

I definitely don't need to say that it's a poor reason to reproduce, at the very least.

[Zarya]

7. Unnecessary concern on your behalf.

You may be confusing pity with empahty. I also think, her logic could work to an extent, in that if she is in fact a supporter, believing in a common cause, is enough of an initial reason to start hanging around people.
Maybe she wasn't saying she was taking those classe for the mere fact that she is gay, but to suggest that because she is gay, they are relevant and interest her.
These days being a lesbian doe snot automatically rule out the possibility of having children in the future, I wouldn't worry about it too much.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

8. people want many things they dont get. mom will adjust, as they all eventually do

[apocalipstick]

9. It could end well...

but I'd caution against coming out before she graduates if she receives financial aid from her mother and has good reason to think her mother will react badly. Otherwise, she just has to say it and wait for the dust to settle.