As a gay teacher I admit that I have no idea what we can do to solve the bullying problem

[dsc]

that is killing our kids in small town America. The fact is that we won't be having employment protection before 2017 in those rural areas. Without that protection, you won't have many, if any openly gay teachers in those areas. Even when you have openly gay teachers and GSA's students still have problems due to the fact that one of our major religions and one of our political parties mainly exist to demonize gays. That attitude filters down. I wish I had a more positive attitude about this, but I just don't. Gay kids in small towns, be they in MS, TX, or OH and PA they face a future that is like their present. And some of them, I fear, won't make it. It really breaks my heart to say that but I surely don't see an easy solution.

[Drale]

1. Theres only one thing that will fix the bully problem

good parenting. Most bullies are bullies because their parents are bullies. Untill we change that, nothing is going to change.

[Ishoutandscream2]

2. Yep, That's exactly it.

[EFerrari]

3. We need an asset based model.

There are a lot people who fund high schools, for example, who aren't gay or who don't have kids there. But we live in that school district, we pay taxes, that's our school, too. Do we want students at our school being bullied? No. So, it's up to the residents of that district to put something in that school, to create an asset that will deter bullying.

And, we need an "opt out" model rather than an "opt in" model. If it works for junk mail advertisers, it should work for us, too. :)

[MNBrewer]

12. I think youtube, etc. has created more of an opportunity here

When I was in school (1971-1983) the internet didn't exist. This is the genius of "it gets better". Now, having said this, it's still hard for a kid in a brutal bullying situation to believe the "it gets better" message, and not think of themselves as completely isolated, FOREVER. It's SO wounding and personal at the time, even if the perpetrators don't intend the full consequences.

[Smarmie Doofus]

15. Then nothing will change. We can't *change* parents.

We don't have them in school 6 and 1/2 hours a day; but we DO have KIDS there. A captive audience , as it were. And presumably a more flexible population, in terms of the prospects for atttudinal change.

School is the obvious place to address the problem described in the OP.

[Drale]

17. One thing we could do is to teach children how to channel their anger

into constructive activities, rather that destroying activities.

[Smarmie Doofus]

18. Isn't that what sports and extra-curriculars are for?

Maybe if you give some examples.....

[Drale]

20. Well I taught myself to focus on hobbies

for instance, I play a game called Warhammer 40,000, its expensive but it really helped. I also took guitar lessons, and found baseball, so yes sports and extra-curricular activities can help. Kids need to know that they can help though, I'm guessing many bully kids think getting involved is "stupid".

EDIT: I was not a bully, I was bullied, but I was a very angry youth, and I still have problems trusting people.

[Lilyeye]

25. Exactly.

[de novo]

4. This is such a painful question to approach.

The 'fixer' in me wants to find answers. I ask what can be legislatively? What can be done socially?

I am left largely at a loss. One thing that I think would go a long way is some kind of gay rights education for the students who have never been exposed to those ideas. Empowering gay youths is critical, but until the entire student body is educated that empowering will not be enough. Straight kids of very conservative families have little idea how wrong and hateful their indoctrination can be.

I remember being in 11 grade sex education. We were allowed to write anonymous questions to be answered by our biology teacher. It was divided by gender. Some boys in the class wrote some 'joke' questions, some about anal sex. My biology teacher, in his steady and authoritative voice answered with directness and honesty. He answered questions that dealt with same-sex intercourse in a way that wasn't flippant and had no judgment or animosity. While I know who wrote the question, and that it was in jest, I also know that at least one of the students in that classroom later came out as gay. Most important, as my teacher was answering the question, in seriousness, no one was laughing. It wasn't a joke anymore.

It is the straight kids, potential bullies, that need to be educated.

[Smarmie Doofus]

6. Yes, yes and... finally... YES. That's the stuff. n/t

[Smarmie Doofus]

5. Curricula must change.

I think we have to push in that direction... no matter what the religionists say.

Science is science and it says that homosexuality is natural and universal in the animal world. Humans are part of the animal world.

We have to TEACH THAT.

History is history and it says that homosexual people have been absolutely indispensable to the development of human civilization.

We have to TEACH THAT ALSO.

We cannot dodge this issue. Teaching nothing about this topic is tantamount to lying about it.

The bullying persists ( at least in part ) because there has been a failure to communicate.

Remedying the failure is our task.

[grilled onions]

7. LALL and Parents

We need the "live and let live" attitude that all are created equal no matter what. Deaf,blind,gay all are equal and parents need to teach this--preach this from day one. They cannot laugh,point,or condemn others and expect their offspring to know right from wrong. Parents must learn that you cannot BEAT the homosexual tendencies out of their child nor can their kids beat it out of a atudent,teacher or neighbor. Tolerance is in short supply in this country. Many use their mouth to spread hate and use fists and worst to try and change what they don't like or understand.

[dkf]

8. Don't you need to solve bullying in itself?

I would guess a bully is an equal opportunity offender. I wonder if those playground coordinators aren't the key helping to stop bullying behavior from the beginning of the education process.

[dsc]

9. yea we likely do

which is also easier said than done.

[dkf]

11. Agree. Some kids are kind of mean.

I'm always hearing that this person doesn't want to play with that person and this person gets left out. It's funny that I hear all this "be nice to everyone so they will be nice to you" on Yo Gabba Gabba or Barney, but after the toddler stage no one gets that reinforcement anymore. Instead there is a whole lot of put down humor.

My little 18 month old nephew is so loving I find it amazing. But they lose that as they get older.

[dsc]

13. unfortunately our society is competative

as shitty as it was, I can fully understand why no one wanted me on their team. I sucked major ass at every sport I tried.

[duhneece]

14. We're competitive, yes, but we're also anti-female I think

I think the homophobes, anti-gays attitude is closely related to the anti-female attitude that is just under a thin veneer. All the language like, "Don't be a pussy. You run like a girl. Don't be a girly-man" is verbally violent toward women, girls and people perceived as sharing girl-values, like compassion, appreciation of art.

[AndyTiedye]

21. Here's an Antidote to an Over-Competitive Society — Let the People Dance!

Let the kids dance! Let everybody dance! We all spend too much time sitting still.





Ride the Music

[pacalo]

10. It begins with the parents, but if I were a teacher & bullying happened on my watch

I'd have the lamebrain writing a thousand-page sensitivity essay during all recess time or, perhaps, after school. Writing essays forces them to think about the topic.

[Smarmie Doofus]

16. That's actually a good idea.

Sometimes we overlook the obvious.

[pacalo]

19. Appreciate that. I don't see how anyone -- parents or admin. -- could find

anything wrong with that type of instructive punishment. And the lamebrain who doesn't learn with having to do one essay would end up writing a book until he did finally get it in his thick head.

:hi:

[zbdent]

22. treat it like the crime it truly is ...

I mean, if a liberal group threatened boycotts and "intimidation" of businesses (let alone outright theft ... "Gimme your lunch money, nerd!"), suddenly you would hear a lot of pundits going on and on about how the liberals are really criminals ...

[Broken_Hero]

23. In my experience

most rules involved with the issue of bullying are weak. When I worked at my alma mater, we dealt with bullying with kids in the 18-25 range, and the bullies involved would get into trouble, but there really wasn't any harsh punishment that would deter the bullies from doing the same action again. Half the time, the higher authorities at the University let the bullies slide numerous times and it made it extremely rough on the students who were considered weak/gay to continue on with their studies/college life.

We had one instance where we had three students stomping a "weaker" student in our parking lot, my co-worker and I dealt with the incident, and we had to call in the ambulance/cops, because the victim was beaten pretty bad(teeth/ear missing, lots of lacerations). We had the kids arrested in the beating, but the University got them released on the premise that they would dole out the punishment, and do you know what that punishment was? Nothing, nada, zip, zilch...the victim involved left home a week later, and dropped out/never came back(to my knowledge).

The kicker is, the three idiots involved in that incident, my co-worker and I tried getting suspended/banned from the University numerous times because of their violent/drug nature, but the PTB kept giving them chance after chance, and in effect ruined a young mans life.

[Smarmie Doofus]

24. The OP is about bullying of gay kids in particular.

But many ( most) of the follow-ups posts change the subject to generic bullying.

I get the feeling that this is not accidental. Not that it's deliberate; more likely some unconscious process.

This is not the first time I've seen this happen. ( Far from it.)

What's going on here?