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Mom And Dad, I'm Gay And Also Stronger Than Both Of You, So Don't Try Any Shit

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joeybee12 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-27-11 11:27 AM
Original message
Mom And Dad, I'm Gay And Also Stronger Than Both Of You, So Don't Try Any Shit
Mom, Dad, there's something we have to talk about. I've been wanting to tell you this for some time, and I want you to know that while I'm fully aware this might be difficult for you to hear, remember, I am still your son, and I love you very much: Mom, Dad, I'm gay, and so help me God, I am stronger than the both of you, and I won't hesitate to beat you back to the Stone Age if you give me any shit about this.

I know this must be tough for you. I understand this isn't how you expected your son to turn out, and I know you might be disappointed, but just remember that I go to the gym seven days a week and can bench-press 275 pounds easy. I take excellent care of my body, so while you can be upset, you better be careful and watch how you handle yourselves here, because if you so much as make a sarcastic remark or do anything to take advantage of how vulnerable I am right now, this will end ugly for the both of you.

Bottom line: I was born this way. It wasn't a choice. It was, however, a choice to develop huge biceps like this, so take a good long look at them before you think of uttering a hurtful or bigoted remark.

Look, I'm not naïve. I know how you feel about homosexuality, because you've been very clear on that subject in the past. That's why it took me so long to tell you. Dad, you've said some very hateful things, not considering for a second that I might be gay, and it hurt. Not nearly as much as it will hurt when I throw you across the room if you ever say any of those shitty things again, but it still stung.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/mom-and-dad-im-gay-and-also-stronger-than-both-of,21017/
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Doctor Hurt Donating Member (472 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-27-11 11:43 AM
Response to Original message
1. made of win
lol
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laconicsax Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-27-11 03:05 PM
Response to Reply #1
5. +1
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badgerpup Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-27-11 11:54 AM
Response to Original message
2. OK...it's the Onion...
...but for some reason, on some deep, primal, non-cerebral, illogical level...:yoiks:


:applause: I cheered.






:kick:
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Maven Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-27-11 12:22 PM
Response to Original message
3. OK, I love this.
:rofl:
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KurtNYC Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-27-11 12:24 PM
Response to Original message
4. Unusually unfunny and disturbing for The Onion n/t
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