Parents of gay children face many questions

[Quetzal]

Parents of gay children face many questions

PHILADELPHIA - (KRT) - When parents learn that their son is gay or their daughter is a lesbian, the news may come as a revelation or a shock. They may have conflicted feelings, be happy that their children have found their true selves or be fearful that their kids are headed for damnation.

Some parents accept the information as an unremarkable fact of life. Others grieve for lost expectations: weddings they dreamed about, embracing a traditional daughter-in-law, bonding with a traditional son-in-law. Many are concerned about discrimination and hostility their children might face.

No matter how they react, there is one thing that all parents of gays and lesbians have in common: The moment of revelation is just a first step. For weeks, months, even years after children come out, parents must decide whether to share this information. Grandparents, friends and colleagues, especially as they gather for dinners and parties over the holidays, will innocently (or not so) ask: Does she have a boyfriend? Does he have a girlfriend?

"Right away, you have all these questions. Who do I tell? Can I tell this to anyone? How do I tell them?" said Fran Kirschner of Philadelphia, whose daughter, Kerry Moser, told her parents in 1991 that she was gay. "The one thing you do know is you don't want to tell anyone without your child's permission."

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Parents of gay children face many questions

[HockeyMom]

1. Mother of Gay Daughter

My older daughter came out to us when she was 21. It was absolutely no surprise to either of us. We knew LONG before she came out. Actually, in looking back I could see the signs from when she was a little girl through her teenage years. But then, I had a gay aunt, my husband had a gay uncle and his niece and nephew are also gay. I also grew up in Greenwich Village and had many gay friends.

As far as family members, my daughter simply started bringing her girlfriend around to family gatherings. Very few family members questioned it. But as I said, we already have gay family members who were in the open going back to the 1950s.

As far as expectations go, your children will live their lives the way THEY see fit; whether they are gay OR STRAIGHT. It is very big assumption, and SELFISH, to assume that even a straight child will have a nice, big wedding, spouse that YOU like, and give YOU GRANDKIDS. As my own mother told me many time, "It is not my place to tell you how you should live your life".

As long as they are happy, that is really ALL that should matter.