Anyone here have experience with gender reassignment?

[Sammy Pepys]

I have a dear friend that I've known for many, many years now. Even at a young age, I can remember him being much more into "girly things" and sometimes wishing he was a girl. He came out as homosexual around 16 or 17, went to college, and basically has had a pretty normal life. He's had a couple of long term relationships, though is not currently seeing anyone.

Anyways, I (and some others in my circle of friends) got an email earlier today, which I've excerpted here:

I think I'm ready to make a BIG change, and I think that change is gender reassignment surgery. I don't know if this is going to be a surprise to any of y'all or not, but I have been thinking about it privately for a very long time and recently discussed it with the family who are all supportive except for :redacted:, obviously. I've got an appointment with a doc in two weeks to discuss the procedure, timelines and everything and will also (at this docs advice) be seeking some counseling and I'll have to live as a woman for some time (like I haven't already been...sheesh! LOL!). My goal is to be able to start the heavy duty medical-type stuff by the end of the year, but I guess we'll figger it all out eventually!

I support his decision, and want to be able to relate with him as he goes through it as much as I can. And while he's very smart and does not jump inot things lightly, I also want to make sure he's going about it the right way. If anyone has any advice at all about things like that, that would be great.

[MsFlorida]

1. my daughter's friend's Mother (father?)

Is also going to have this surgery. My daughter has only known her friend's mother as a man, so it really is no big surprise. Its the way its always been. Daughter's friend also has a young child. This young child has always known the grandma as a grandpa -- again no big surprise.

From conversations with the family, they just wish she/he well.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

2. If she has picked good doctors...

they should be able to guide her through this process in a way that will clarify her decision as the correct one. Here in SF, I have worked with TGs who have gone through therapy and one year of living full-time as their intended gender before being allowed to go through with their operations. This extended time allows them to fully experience what it is to live as their gender and for any issues that come up as a result to be worked out in therapy. For the folks I've worked with it is a time of great happiness and excitement -- to be finally living the life you were destined for is SUCH a relief for them.

I think the best thing you can do is get yourself educated on what she is going to be going through (there are great sites on the process and discussion boards, great documentaries) and then just be as open with and supportive of her as you can be. This will be a new experience for you as well -- you will not always know the "right" thing to do for your friend. I always make a point of asking, "What you you need from me? Is there anything I can do for you that I am not already doing?" Let her guide you in this process.

Good luck to you both! :hi:

[tech3149]

3. I don't have personal experience but

an old high school friend went through it. I'm sure sh could provide some great counseling. PM me if you'd like to contact her directly.
http://www.lasimpson.org/LindasGRSinM.html
Jeff

[fed-up]

4. My nephew's father became his mother-please suggest your friend get some

fashion advice while choosing their new wardrobe!!!

The clothes he/she chose were the most godawful looking outfits.

Also have him make sure he gives his friends/family enough time and support to adjust to his new persona.

I think it was a little tough on my nephew as he was going through puberty at the time and had his own sexuality issues to deal with. Timing is everything if there are adolescents involved.

He will also need to decide who at work/family/friends he will let know in advance and have replies ready for those that make comments if he undergoes any collegen transplants. I think I was the first to comment that "J" looked different and that his face was filling out. It wasn't until the transformation was complete that I found out what was going on.

I am not in contact with this person, so I don't know how things are working out. This all took place about 8 years ago.

I am sure if your friend surfs the web he can find plenty of websites with info, just remember that some people will not be completely truthful about the transition and may gloss over some of the difficult issues.

I wish your friend all the best with his soon to be new life.

[Sammy Pepys]

5. Thanks

Yeah, I've been in touch with him since the message and when he gets back from his brother's place (apparently this is where he broke the announcement to his family this weekend, his brother was told a couple weeks before) we're going to hang out and talk about it some more. He said he's going to give me some more details then.

He said he's "93% sure" that this is what he wants to do, but he's not going to pull the trigger until he talks to the doc, does some of the counseling and is able to come to a concrete decision about things like appearance and exactly what he wants to do with that.

[tonekat]

6. First thing...a good therapist to talk to about this

They don't want someone who treats them like an ATM machine, but rather someone who specializes in gender issues and follows the Benjamin Standards of Care.

If there is a local support group for transgendered people, she might make some inquiries there as to who in her area is well thought of.

Counseling should be the first order of biz, before the medical stuff.

[AlienGirl]

7. Support her and be there for her

Most transgendered people do a *lot* better, personally and professionally, after transition. The enormous stresses are relieved and they can finally get on with living; and in many cases, strange nagging autoimmune-type problems clear up once the hormones are adjusted. (There is recent evidence that TG people often have a genetic difference that, theoretically, would leave their tissues "primed" for the hormone balance of the sex they identify as.) Professionally, for many people, employment is hard until they are fully passable, and completing the hormonal and social aspects of transition results in more opportunities, even before surgery happens.

And give her the link to DU!

Tucker

[icymist]

8. Here's some helpful links to get info for your friend:

The Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association, Inc.
This is a site for professionals in the field, but can be helpful to those seeking SRS (sexual reasignment surgery).
http://www.hbigda.org/

Ingersoll Gender Center, one of the oldest transgender support groups in the nation.
Ingersoll Center is able to offer a full range of services to gender dysphoric clients such as referrals to therapists, support and peer counseling pertaining to issues of daily living, changes in lifestyle, preparation for surgery, and post-operative care. We offer support groups in a friendly, low-stress setting where cross dressing is encouraged, but never required.

Ingersoll Center is a non-profit service agency, founded in 1977 and incorporated in the State of Washington in 1984. We have therapists working under contract, each of whom has extensive experience in the field of gender identity counseling and related fields

http://www.ingersollcenter.org/

[Sammy Pepys]

9. Thanks for the help everyone!

I'm going to take all the links provided and make sure my friend gets them. I think he'll appreciate it and find them extremely helpful, as will I.

I haven't talked to him yet in person about it, but if anyone can make a good transition with it, he can. He's self-employed, and works in a field that should be pretty conducive to the change so that will hopefully be one less stress on his life as he moves forward (fingers crossed). His family is mostly supportive, and so far no one in my group of friends has come out with anything but praise.

Thanks again everyone!

[sgsmith]

10. Some thoughts.

First, if your friend does actually start transition, use of the proper pronouns (her, she) is preferred over the old gender (his, he) . Trust me, it makes a difference.

The Harry Benjamin SOC is a good place to start. However, it assumes a medical gatekeeper approach, with a lot of upfront costs for psych and medical doctors. A lot of people consider the SOC to be very constraining, and somewhat unrealistic with their requirements. As a first step, I'd recommend that your friend start a program of facial hair removal, either through laser or electrolysis. Before I started electrolysis, I couldn't pass short of troweling makeup on like Tammy Faye Baker. Without the beard shadow, and without the hairs underneath the skin, it has become much more easier to pass. Plus it makes it a lot easier to deal with lesser amounts of product.

Electrolysis can take a couple of years to completely remove a beard. All hair grows in cycles, and it takes many months to go through all the cycles. Plus, electro can cost a ton of money and it hurts. Those two facts can be a gateway to successful transition in their own right.

Second, she should start growing her hair out. If she has male pattern baldness, start on Propecia. She can easily find a hair stylist to work with who can cut her hair into a style that works in both enhomme and enfemme modes.

Notice that both of these steps don't commit her to transition. Lots of men don't have heavy beards, and hair can be cut.

General recommendations - Lose weight because surgeons don't like to perform elective surgery on heavy / obese people. Stop smoking because of the general effects on health. Stay out of the sun / use high SPF sunscreen because of the havoc that happens to skin. Don't jump into HRT because it will have an effect on libido and general outlook on life. Plus, there can be serious medical complications. If at all possible, use a doctor to prescribe medications and to order blood work.

Finally, I would recommend that your friend not get too tied up with the popular representation of femininity. There are a lot of beautiful movie stars, but there are a lot more women of differing heights, weights, hair styles, body builds. It is amazing how much female and male body proportions overlap in many areas.

[UncleSepp]

11. Just started my own today.

One of the important things to remember is that she has thought about this for a long, long time already. She has been considering her identity since she was a child and first learned that some people are boys and some people are girls. Support her, love her, listen to her, and remember above all that she is becoming what she has always been.