I have a friend who thinks it's wrong...

[Politically_Wrong]

for a gay couple to adopt children. I personally disagree with him. But when I think about it, I can't come up with an explanation as to why I feel this way. Is he right in saying gay people should not be allowed to adopt? Surely he can't be right. But can I get some help on why gay couples should be able to adopt?

[babylonsister]

1. Why shouldn't they? If two people love each other and have

a committed relationship and a happy home, why shouldn't they have the same rights as married people wanting to adopt. Not much to understand, I think it's common sense.

[Politically_Wrong]

12. He's worried...

that a "gay couple will raise a gay kid!"

[babylonsister]

16. Most gay kids

are born from hetero couples. It's not a choice AFAIK. Your friend needs to do some research.

[Siyahamba]

20. Can he explain...

Why hetero couples don't always raise hetero kids?

[Politically_Wrong]

21. Very good question! n/t

[foreigncorrespondent]

25. And you can't offer a rebut for that? (n/t)

[kevinbgoode]

26. No offense. . .but your friend is just ignorant, and willfully so.

I grew up in a very large family and helped raise my younger siblings. None of them are gay. And how dare anyone make assumptions that are based on nothing?

[Politically_Wrong]

28. I completely agree...

He's a nice guy...but when it comes to thing I would consider common sense...he's oblivious to the "norm."

[cboy4]

27. Tell him he has every right to be worried. Even though gay recruitment

numbers are WAY DOWN so far this year (that's according to the Association of Gay Recruitment based San Francisco) ---

the latest NBC/Wall Street Journal poll frighteningly indicates more homosexuals than ever are graduating from U.S. colleges with B.S. degrees in gay recruiting.

Foster kids, and children in general, have probably never been in more danger of being turned gay!! :eyes:

[davidinalameda]

33. they didn't have that major when I was in school

damn it

[BR_Parkway]

35. Have I told you lately that I love you? LOL

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

2. How about you make him prove why they shouldn't be

Sex crimes? Nope, 97% of them are committed by hetero males.

Unstable relationships? Nope, check out the divorce rate.

[mitchtv]

19. Hey stranger

how about keeping kids out of the foster care system?

[OneBlueSky]

3. "why gay couples should be able to adopt?" . . .

wrong question . . . anyone should be able to adopt unless there's a compelling reason that they shouldn't . . . being gay is no such reason . . .

[400Years]

4. should a kid who needs a loving home not get one because the couple is gay

[terrya]

5. Your friend is wrong.

What, specifically, is wrong with gay/lesbian couples to adopt? There have been studies that have come out proving that a child raised in a gay/lesbian household won't be any different from one raised in a heterosexual one.

I suspect that's a huge part of the opposition to gay/lesbian couples adopting. Somehow, a child MUST have a mother and father. Which I think is ridiculous.

If a child can find a loving home, regardless of sexual orientation of the parents, then that's a very good thing indeed.

[Arkansas Granny]

15. Your remark about some people thinking a child must have a

mother and father made me think of raising children in a single parent household. Other than the fact that single parents may date people of the opposite sex, there really wouldn't be much difference between a single heterosexual parent raising a child and a single gay or lesbian parent raising a child. It's the quality of the parenting that affects the child, not the sexual preference of the parent. A loving parent is a loving parent and that's what every child deserves.

[Xeric]

6. because...

Would those kids be better off in orphanages or foster care? Wouldn't it be better if they are with a loving family, no matter what the sex of the couple? It's a no-brainer.

[MuseRider]

7. I have several friends

who have either adopted or one of them is the natural parent. I can't for the life of me find anything different in their homes than I did my own. Why? Why not?

[RufusEarl]

8. See if this explains it.

We have many many children in this country that need a home, we have many good kind people willing to take on the responsibilities of raising these children. It's pretty simple really, ones sexual orientation should not be a factor in raising kids, guy folks can be just as responsible as some straight folks.

[enlightenment]

9. I was a single parent -

my child was a girl (I'm the mom). I never married or ever lived with someone in a committed relationship (okay, I'm weird -- I like being single).

Starting when my kid was born and continuing to the present (child is 26), people have told me that its "a good thing I had a girl, because boys need fathers."

An odd comment, if there ever was one; it fails so many logical tests that I have never even TRIED to respond.

My point is that your friend might have that idea stuck in his head -- that children need a parent of both sexes (for whatever reason). Utterly illogical, but you might ask him if that's what he thinks; it could provide an entry into the reasons for his mindset.

As an addendum -- my daughter is now my son; a very happy FtM.

[RubyDuby in GA]

10. Ask your friend if he's going to adopt the children that no one else will?

Or when he's going to adopt a child period. Then ask him if he knows how many children are up for adoption in your state at that moment. How many are in foster care? Then ask him why he doesn't want children to be adopted into loving homes where they are wanted?

[Politically_Wrong]

11. Thanks!

I'll have to send him this link...maybe that will shut him up!

[RagingInMiami]

13. Think of the kids who are not getting adopted,

getting shuffled around from foster home to foster home.

Doesn't it make sense to encourage couples, whether they're gay or not, to adopt, if they pass all the background checks that would deem them worthy parents?

What child do you think would turn out to be a better-adjusted adult? A child who had been passed from foster home to foster home, made to feel neglected and inferior; or a child raised by two loving parents who do their best to raise the kid the best they can.

I'm not saying that all gay couples would make great parents just as I would say that not all heterosexual couples would make good parents, which is why you have the background checks and all the other things they go through before they allow a couple to adopt.

But there is no evidence that homosexuality is linked to higher rate of drug abuse, alcoholism, child abuse, pedophilia, mental illness and all the other things that should serve as red flags before allowing a couple to adopt.

And if your friend is worried that perhaps a kid might turn out gay because he was raised by gay parents, he/she needs to understand that you're either born gay or not. It has nothing to do with external influences. If you can choose not to be gay, I would imagine a lot of gay men would not be gay. Why choose to put up with all that discrimination?

BTW, I'm about as heterosexual as you can get.

[Politically_Wrong]

14. That's exactly what I said!

"And if your friend is worried that perhaps a kid might turn out gay because he was raised by gay parents, he/she needs to understand that you're either born gay or not. It has nothing to do with external influences. If you can choose not to be gay, I would imagine a lot of gay men would not be gay. Why choose to put up with all that discrimination?"

Thanks for the help!

[readmoreoften]

17. I know a child in Texas who is being abused by its mother.

She is 5 years old and her mother mutilates herself with razor blades in front of her, forces the child to drink beer and wine, and encourages her to smoke cigarettes. The mother thinks it's funny to get the kid so drunk that she can't go to nursery school in the morning. (Hearing a pre-schooler say the words, "But mommy, I don't want to drink beer, I want to go to school tomorrow, just about broke my heart.) Even when her mother was put in a psychiatric ward, the state didn't take the kid into foster care.

I am a stable, patient, highly educated adult who would take care of this child-- but I'm a lesbian in a loving relationship, so the state forbids it. And this very intelligent child, whose life is close to over at the age of five, will probably die of alcohol poisoning or become a meth addict like her mom in a few short years.

Makes a lot of sense, huh.

[Callalily]

18. You pose an interesting

question and one that has been debated and will be debated for a long time.

I suspect your friend's fear is born out of ignorance and fear. Now please, this is not meant to be insulting. The only difference between a gay/lesbian couple and a heterosexual couple is sexual orientation, nothing more, nothing less. Those attributes have nothing to do with being a good parent, or for that matter a bad parent. It all boils down to who the person is, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually.

As for studies, here's a link to an interesting article that should hopefully put your friends mind at ease.

http://www.gay.com/news/article.html?2006/03/24/1

[Politically_Wrong]

22. Thanks...

I'll have to give that link to DAN! (C. Arthur)...Maybe we'll have to hunt him down later.

[Smarmie Doofus]

23. I'll go against the grain to a degree here....

and grant that there is a certain advantage to having two parents of opposite sexes involved in the day to day business of child rearing *all other things being equal*. I think its been established that males and females interact differently with small kids and it is probably the optimal circumstance to have the kid benefit from daily exposure to both.

The complexity is 'all things' are NEVER equal. Two healthy male parents provide a better circumstance -- by definition -- than a *crazy* heterosexual couple. A stable lesbian couple provides a better child-rearing circumstance than say... Joel and Hedda Steinberg. Being raised by a single parent, gay or straight, who is sane and nurturing, is better for a child than being raised by a demented duo, gay or straight.

Your friend is focusing on the wrong variable. Surely he/she would want a happy, healthy gay couple raising a child in a stable, nurturing environment if the parental alternative were a pair of violent, alcohol- guzzling, self absorbed 18 year-old heteros.

[Xeric]

24. Oh great

So a "happy, healthy gay couple" is a step better than "a pair of violent, alcohol- guzzling, self absorbed 18 year-old heteros".
Talk about damning someone with faint praise.
I don't see any difference between a happy healthy gay couple or a happy healthy straight couple. Unless they are being raised in a cave, children interact with adults of both genders at school, in the extended family etc. Sounds like you're implying that the child raised by gays will somehow become gay, like the OP's ignorant friend. I don't think there is any statistical evidence to suggest that. It also implies again that there is something "wrong" with being gay since the idea of a gay child seems to be a negative.

[Meldread]

29. On the contrary...

...I've seen studies that show children raised by gay couples typically are better adjusted and more tolerant of other people. Frankly, based on some of the evidence I've seen I'd say having gay parents will give a child the needed boost he or she needs to adjust in society and work well with others, giving them a greater chance to succeed. (There seems to be a whole host of benefits associated with having gay parents.)

[Smarmie Doofus]

31. Indeed, being raised by gay parents surely is....

an assert in some ways ( encourages tolerance and divergent thinking, for example) but lets be real.

Do you really think there are going to be NO social repercussions for... lets say... your *son* during ... lets say....*adolescenece*, for having gay parents. Come on... think about it.

Let's be honest before we start to pretend. I'm not saying gays shouldn't adopt. They should. I'm not saying they can't be good parents. They can be and *are*.

But please, let's not overstate the case. We do so at the risk of sacrificing credibility. It is not a simple matter for a child to be raised by gay parents.( I'm doing this right now; trust me, it's *not*) If the OP's friend is coming from a place of "concern about the long-term welfare of the child" ... and not simply from mindless prejudice... he's more likely to be persuaded by honest argument which takes into account the complexities of the issue.

[Meldread]

32. It really depends.

Sure, a child might get teased and picked on for having gay parents. They'll also be teased and picked on if they are chubby, walk funny, talk funny, or are considered to be outside of what is currently considered to be "popular". That's just a fact. However, it's easier now than it was ten years ago and it's getting easier and easier with each passing year and generation. Within the next ten to fifteen years it won't even seem like a big deal at all.

Sure, there might be some drawbacks to having gay parents compared to having straight parents. However, and this really is the key point, there are many, many benefits to having gay parents that a child would not otherwise receive when having straight parents. It is this way with everything in life. Everything has it's upside and downside, and in the end I think having gay parents either balances out with having straight parents, or comes out slightly ahead.

[monarch]

34. I think that the "kid might be teased"

argument is starting to go away. It probably started to get better as children started to be raised by two women following the divorce of one or both women. But lately, as more and more gays are adopting, and as we start to assert our rights, things seem to be improving. We were at a fund raiser last night to support gay marriage (not my main cause--I like the argument that we don't want to copy a failed institution, but that's just me) Anyway, speaker after speaker emphasized the importance of speaking out--even in small ways. Studies have shown that the most virulently bigoted people think that they don't know anyone gay.

[mzteris]

30. Why not?

Parents are parents. They love and care for and nuture and support a child. Whether a person is gay or straight makes no damn difference.

Will all "gay parents" be wonderful? No. There will be bad "gay parents" just like there are bad "straight parents".

At least an adoptive parent is becoming a parent because they WANT TO be a parent! Not because, oops, we had a little accident. Or "we're SUPPOSED to procreate" (and replenish god's quiver, blech).

The real fear is that "gay parents" will "indoctrinate a child" into becoming gay, isn't it? BUT - If a parent's sexual orientation were the deciding factor - then where the hell do gay people come from? Why do so many straight couples have gay kids?

Gay people can raise straight kids just like straight people raise gay kids. But odds are - kids raised by gay parents are more likely to be tolerant and well-adjusted than a kid raised by some repressed homophobic fundie couple! "Gay" parents are much better than NO parents. And definitely MUCH better than some misguided "fundie couple" who might adopt so THEY CAN actively brainwash the little tyke!

[sui generis]

36. it's wrong for stupid parents of any kind to have children

however, since there is nothing keeping gay parents from having natural children (with a little extra work), there should be nothing in the law that keeps gay parents from adopting children.

In fact, to place an unequal standard on adopting parents that is not placed on natural parents, regardless of sexual orientation is practicing a double standard.

The assumption is just because you can blast one out automatically means you're somehow more of a fit parent than someone who has to borrow a uterus or some sperm (or the final product) is absurd.

If they were serious about caring about kids, it's not gay parents they would be attacking.

[GodlessBiker]

37. Get a new friend.

[Puglover]

39. I agree...

and before you do ask your nitwit of a friend what exactly would be the problem if the kid DID turn out gay?

[WestSeattle2]

38. put yourself in the shoes of the kid...

Wouldn't you just want adults to love and care for you, who you can rely on and trust? I would, and quite frankly I wouldn't give a damn what their sexual orientation was, if there were 1 or 2 of them, or if they worshipped the earth instead of some deity.

Maybe those who are hesitant about gay adoptions, honestly believe that sexual orientation is a choice, and that the adoptees will "decide" to be gay for some reason.