Any other COGS in here? Fairy children? Queer spawn?

[pnwmom]

I keep looking for posts from other adults with gay/lesbian parents, but haven't run into any yet.

[darkmaestro019]

1. My birth father is gay

which is a large chunk of why I didn't even meet him till I was fifteen, or even know the surly disapproving guy that bossed me around and went through my stuff was not, in fact, my sperm donor.


And when I was little I concluded that because I was tiny, dark, stubborn, too smart and too weird for my family, that I was LITERAL fairy spawn--a changeling, and THAT was why I clicked on your post.

Funny--I was right, then and now when I clicked, lol.

(huggle) Nice to meet you. :wave:

EDIT: To clarify, he's gay the way I am gay, lol--had women, had men, defines himself as gay because he's a male who find that the VAST VAST majority of his sexual attraction is directed at other males. I'm getting to a point where I'm not sure I even believe in the various alphabet soup terms. Language is meant to communicate, convey, and enlighten, but sometimes we get so hung up on getting it "exactly right" we wind up with terms that limit and hide instead of revealing.

[pnwmom]

2. Nice to meet you, too!

Alas, the surly disapproving guy that bossed me around was my closeted gay dad. . . who was quite unhappy in his "Far from Heaven" marriage.

My parents married right out of college and no one knew anything back then (fifties). Both, to my understanding, were virgins when they married. They had five children, four before my mother had any clue. Even then, she still thought Dad's current liaison was a one-time deal.

My answer to all those idiots who insist gays can "reform" is: "Fine. And would you like an ex-gay to marry your daughter? "

By the way -- glad I didn't offend you with the subject line. I actually don't like the "queer spawn" label myself (would rather think of myself as a fairy child, too), but most younger COG's I talk to seem to prefer it.

Huggle back! (I don't know any COG's offline except for my siblings. Thank goodness for them.)

[Meldread]

3. There are actually names?

Geeze... Well, I suppose it is a function of being ignorant as I don't have children. It probably shouldn't be a shock, but I swear if someone called my child "Queer Spawn" or "Fairy Child"... I wouldn't be responsible for what I do to them. We'll leave it at that, because saying more will likely get me arrested in this pre-emptive era.

Was it hard growing up as a child of gay parents? What was it like? I'm sorry for the hardships you both seem to have endured. I feel somewhat guilty, even though I don't know you. One day I'd like to have children... but I am going to wait until times are better.

:grouphug:

Hopefully things are better in both of your lives and you have good relations with both your parents.

[Kailassa]

6. There is no reason for you to feel guilty,

being gay doesn't make a person a bad parent.

It's society's twisted judgmentalism that screws people up. When people hate themselves for what they are, want to pretend they are something they are not, and are in relationships they don't want to be in, they are going to have an awful hard time relating well to others in that relationship.

As for those labels, I've only heard people using them about themselves. Its like the word nigger, blacks can call themselves that all they want, but no white has a right to call a black a nigger, ever.

[pnwmom]

8. The odd thing is, Kailassa, that that doesn't seem to be true with

the twenty-somethings I speak to. Initially, I tried to point out that it could be hurtful to some of us oldies, but they are proud to call themselves queer spawn, and they would be happy if the term were universally adopted.

Me, I don't think so!

[Kailassa]

10. It sounds fine to me until I think about how I'd feel

if I heard my own children calling themselves that.
I would not much like that at all.

On the other hand, they could be using the term out of stubbornness, to show their defiance towards a society that equates same-sex love with every kind of evil and uses the word queer as a weapon.
It's a harsh thing to hear, but it could be a healthy thing for them to be saying.

It partially disarms opponents if you take the words they throw out as insults, and reframe their context.

[pnwmom]

11. yes, that is how they've explained it to me, too.

But my father would have DETESTED it. So I don't know.

[pnwmom]

7. It is actually the children themselves who have adopted these

names. I'm probably older than you, so I was put off at first, too. Especially by Queer Spawn.


Knowing nothing about you except this post, I think you'd do fine as a parent. Why - because too many parents are self-centered. They assume that what is good for them is automatically good for their child. You don't sound like that. So you should do fine.

[pnwmom]

12. It was hard when he was in the closet because he was a walking

time-bomb and we never knew what might set him off.

It was hard when he came out because he was oblivious to the fact that the whole family, in effect, was coming out. And this was 25 years ago, so you can imagine what that was like.

[TAPat]

4. My Mom "came out" to me

when her 6 year relationship was breaking up! You know, like I hadn't figured that out already :eyes:
Seriously though, my mom had had a relationship with a woman when she was in college and caught alot of flak for it - it was the '50s. She married my dad (who was a great guy) and had 2 kids. Both of my parents raised me to know that it was natural, and right, to love anyone I chose.
I, myself, have been in a SSR for 12 years and we have a great 6 year old girl. My partner and I are totally "out" (if they don't like it, f*** 'em :)) and have zero problems - I feel it says alot every day, in every way to our daughter - be comfortable with who you are and the rest will follow. :woohoo:
Life is good - at least when I forget about this evil administration for 2 minutes...
Thanks for the post!
:pals:

[Kailassa]

5. My mother would have died rather than consider the possibility

that she was a lesbian.

But all of us kids noticed how happy she was hugging her female friends and how she froze whenever our father tried to show any warmth. And the rumour around town was that he certainly knew how to make a lady happy. When I was 13 she lectured me on how I mustn't touch any female friends "down there" because they wouldn't like it, and I was left puzzled, too immature to have any idea why she'd mention such a thing.

It's sad how screwed up society makes people. Even though I'm sure she's gay inside, I could never tell her when my current lover is a girl. However my straight father was the broadminded one, especially once he learned that I was in a marriage like his, where I was lucky to "get it" once a year.

Both my daughter and grand-daughter have turned out like me in that way, sometimes being attracted to males, sometimes females, and they've been glad to know that I understood and could talk to them about it. I'm actually a bit skeptical that any woman is entirely straight. I suspect that the ones who think they are just haven't met the right woman yet.

[pnwmom]

9. www.familieslikemine.com recommended site!