It has been 6 years

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Six years ago today Howard Dean signed a bill making civil unions between same sex couples legal in the state of Vermont. I have no idea of he chose the day of silence on purpose or didn't know about it. But on this day six years ago he told his gay and lesbian constituents "You are adults and your relationships are real". It is hard to overstate how huge this is.

When I first came to terms with being gay one of the worst things for me was that I would never get married, never have kids, and never really be in the kid of relationship my parents were. We all grow up with narratives. For those like me whose parents went to college I just assumed I would go to college. Having parents who had been married for decades I just assumed I would get married and settle down with kids. That was part of my narrative until I knew I was different.

Twenty years ago it never occured to me that I might someday adopt a child and share my life with a man and be a real adult couple. I had felt forever consigned to life as a bachelor. The bachelor uncle who you see at holidays and sends you a check for your birthday. The man who "never quite grew up" or "is that way you know". My story could only end one way.

Six years ago a new ending was given to gays and lesbians. Instead of life as a single with a friend we could have a real relationship with all the attendent rights and responsibilities. We could visit our loved ones in the hospital, adopt children with them, share our finances, share are secrets, and stay together for better or worse. The state would protect our relationship and make us divorce if we wanted to end it. We are real adults.

Six years later we are in the third year of same sex marriage in Massachusetts and have seen civil union schemes pass in Connecticut and california. Six years out it appears this was the first day of many days leading to our full equality in relationships. But it isn't a done deal. We must keep vigilent of a party of religious nuts who wish to deprive us of this victory. We must prevent ourselves from being reinfantalized.

We have succeeded in changing the story young gays and lesbians write for themselves. No longer do they grow up thinking marriage is for others. But that isn't necessarily a permanent change. History provides us examples of rights being snatched from us after being granted to us. It is up to us to make sure that Howard Dean's act 6 years ago is remembered as the first step down a path toward our full adulthood and a permanent rewriting of our stories and not a temporary aboration in history.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

1. I'm glad your narrative

is playing out for you. They won't win.

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2. well not exactly yet

I just now know the possiblity not the reality. Eventually I am hoping it will.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

3. I hope so, too

my marriage is the most important thing in my life. 34 years. I wish the same for everyone. A soulmate is a precious thing. Go for it!

And invite me to the wedding. I'll do the flowers for free. (I am a part-time florist)

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4. I'll keep that in mind

In a few years I have to decide if where I live it is possible to meet Mr. Right or not.

[LeftHander]

5. beautiful....

It is a wonder to see how rapidly the world changes....it is getting better everyday for gay people. Yet the most vocal are always capturing the media's attention. The right wing power brokers in charge are festering with hate and so many people know it...now. They are liars and selfish.

As a newly out person...I know that much of who I am will be defined by the battle for equality now being waged.

People are walking into to big box churches and are willing to follow without even knowing it the religious political agenda targeted at gays that is silently being promoted by the "faithful".

Look no further than ElmBrook Church in Waukesha Wiscosnin. They pick up where politics leave off they foster division and discrimination and many of the people in Waukesha simply go along with it becasue everyone else does. That is big box "bible" religion. And that is why a marriage protection amendment is on the ballot this November in Wisconsin.

It is time to take it to the people. To ask them up front are you willing to deny people you know the basic right to the pursuit of happiness?

Picketing these big box churches is coming. Becasue guilt is the only motivator for most of the people that pass through the doors of these mega churches.

As our kids protest in the schools in sublte and elegant ways we need to to expose the hypocricy and fight for what is fair and decent. Before a few roll back the clock on many.

As a UU I respect a persons right to explore thier own spirituality but I cannot stand by and let religious dogma prevent people from living free and safe from harm.

Big Box fundemental Chrisitianity is not moral or wise. It is selective and punitive and needs to be exposed as the simple tool of the greedy far politcal right.

Peace.

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6. thanks

and welcome to the world of being out. I hope it goes great for you.

[TechBear_Seattle]

7. That is NOT what Dean told his gay and lesbian constituents

What he really told them was, "We are returning to the days of Jim Crow."

Separate is not equal, and never will be.

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8. actually if you read the book on the subject

like I actually did, it was the legislature, including the only openly gay member, who said marriage would never pass.

[TechBear_Seattle]

9. The Vermont legislature passed Jim Crow legislation

... and Dean signed it in to law. If he had really wanted gay people to be acknowledged as adults and have our relationships recognized as real, he would have vetoed legislation and said that he would have no part in creating second-class legal status for gay people. This is no different than passing a law that allows "colored folk" to drink from public water fountains... provided that they drink only from public water fountains marked "For colored folk only."

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10. and we would have had nothing at all

that would have been a wonderful idea. It took Heruclean leadership to prevent a Constitutional amendment.